Breathe It All In
One Month/9 Days/Part 1
Hey :) Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?
I hit "send" on my phone before discarding it on my bed. I knew Kasey would say yes. He just got back from his tour a few days ago, and ever since he stepped foot back in Missouri he's been calling me every day. We had been playing telephone tag for the past few days. I hadn't told him yet. When we did talk, we talked about other things. Music. Family. Our favorite things. The conversations lasted hours.
When he called me on tour, the conversations were quick, and I thought that he'd never be a good father. As soon as he called me after his tour, I felt like I could tell him. The worst he could do was say no and walk away. That wasn't so bad. If he didn't want to be in this situation, I'd rather him leave than be unhappy and with the baby and me.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I picked it up and saw the message was from Kasey.
I would love to. When is good for you?
How about 6:00 at Chuck’s?
Sounds great! See you then :)
I set my phone back down before leaning back against my headboard. There was no turning back now. If I waited any longer, my stomach would be extended and he’d know before I could even say the words.
After a quick shower, I changed into a sundress and sandals. I had been in pajamas for days, realizing quickly that pregnancy made me tired and prone to all-night TV sitcom marathons. By the end of my pregnancy, I will know every Seinfeld and Golden Girls episode memorized line by line.
Realizing I was running a bit early, I decided to head over to my favorite place to kill some time. I drove down past Chuck’s until I saw the sign reading Fountain of Hope. I parked my car before walking past the basketball courts and the playground over to the farthest hill. After climbing up it, I saw the chain link fence in front of the free art space, my second home.
The free art space was donated by the city for people to come up and express themselves so everyone would stop spray-painting the buildings. It was an abandoned wall-ball court that had been taken over by the artists in town. There were pieces of plexiglass that were attached to the chain fence in different spots for more paintings to happen. People had started to braid brightly colored string and twine together in the chain links. Ladders and discarded spray-paint cans lay in the corners.
The ground had been covered in paint drawings and spray painted trees and vines. The wall ball walls had been reused multiple times, creating a collage of different drawings, names, and paintings. I loved coming up here to look at everything. Each time I came up, there was something new or someone creating something new. I planned out the exact spot where I was going to do my painting one day, I have just never actually done it. It feels like if I become a part of this, the magic of it might slip away. This place was beautiful, and it felt like home every time I came here.
I walked around for a little bit before taking a seat on the ground next to a spray painted face on the ground. I just took a deep breath of the cool air before feeling the wind start to give me goosebumps. I guess the summer was really ending, and a new chapter was beginning.
We stood there in the bathroom doorway talking for what seemed like forever. We were both smiling, and I loved how honest and sweet he was. When he seemed to get nervous, he ran a hand through his hair. He had an amazing smile.
“So is there a boyfriend I should be afraid might walk in and hurt me for spending so much time with you?” Kasey said to me.
“No, there’s not. Is there a girlfriend that might try and beat me up?” I asked him, hoping he said no.
“No, you’re in the clear,” He joked.
“Good,”
“You’re much more beautiful than any other girl I’ve ever seen,” He said before we became silent. He leaned closer to me, and I looked at him straight in the eyes. Suddenly, my eyes closed as our lips touched sweetly. He leaned back to where he was before, nervous as to how I would react. I bit my lip before standing up and pressing my lips to his again.
All of a sudden, I felt like I needed to talk to someone. I knew I couldn’t call Jackie, because she was off getting drunk before she left for school tomorrow. My parents still didn’t know, so I couldn’t talk to them. My other friends didn’t know yet either. I decided to talk to the one that would always be there for me.
“Hey baby, my name’s Gia. I’m your mommy. I promise to always have paint in the house. Not the bad paint, like yellow ochre than some scientists believe can cause cancer of course. I’ll have finger paint and face paint. I’ll keep crayons in almost every room. I promise you’ll have every opportunity in the world. I promise,” I said, pressing my hand against my stomach lightly. I knew the baby was little, but I just had a feeling he or she heard me, felt me.
I looked at my phone and saw that I should probably head over to Chuck’s to get there on time. I got up and took one more look around before heading back down the hill and over to my car. I drove out of the parking lot and over to Chuck’s before parking again. I stepped out of the car to see Kasey pulling his car into the parking lot. I took a deep breath before shutting my car door. I locked my car and stood there for a minute before starting to walk towards Kasey. He shut his car off before hopping out of the front seat. He fumbled for something in the backseat just as I was getting to him.
“Hey,” I said to him. He jumped a little, not seeing me since he was still trying to grab the object in his back seat.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” I said as he got out of the car and I saw a bouquet of flowers in his hand. I smiled automatically at the gesture.
“It’s okay. Hey Gia,” he said as we hugged. He handed me the bouquet, and I saw a few beautiful pink and white daisies looking up at me.
“Thank you. They’re beautiful,” I said smelling them. I purposely lowered them afterwards just enough for them to rub against my stomach so the baby could smell them too.
“Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady,”
Will he still call me beautiful after what I tell him?
I hit "send" on my phone before discarding it on my bed. I knew Kasey would say yes. He just got back from his tour a few days ago, and ever since he stepped foot back in Missouri he's been calling me every day. We had been playing telephone tag for the past few days. I hadn't told him yet. When we did talk, we talked about other things. Music. Family. Our favorite things. The conversations lasted hours.
When he called me on tour, the conversations were quick, and I thought that he'd never be a good father. As soon as he called me after his tour, I felt like I could tell him. The worst he could do was say no and walk away. That wasn't so bad. If he didn't want to be in this situation, I'd rather him leave than be unhappy and with the baby and me.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I picked it up and saw the message was from Kasey.
I would love to. When is good for you?
How about 6:00 at Chuck’s?
Sounds great! See you then :)
I set my phone back down before leaning back against my headboard. There was no turning back now. If I waited any longer, my stomach would be extended and he’d know before I could even say the words.
After a quick shower, I changed into a sundress and sandals. I had been in pajamas for days, realizing quickly that pregnancy made me tired and prone to all-night TV sitcom marathons. By the end of my pregnancy, I will know every Seinfeld and Golden Girls episode memorized line by line.
Realizing I was running a bit early, I decided to head over to my favorite place to kill some time. I drove down past Chuck’s until I saw the sign reading Fountain of Hope. I parked my car before walking past the basketball courts and the playground over to the farthest hill. After climbing up it, I saw the chain link fence in front of the free art space, my second home.
The free art space was donated by the city for people to come up and express themselves so everyone would stop spray-painting the buildings. It was an abandoned wall-ball court that had been taken over by the artists in town. There were pieces of plexiglass that were attached to the chain fence in different spots for more paintings to happen. People had started to braid brightly colored string and twine together in the chain links. Ladders and discarded spray-paint cans lay in the corners.
The ground had been covered in paint drawings and spray painted trees and vines. The wall ball walls had been reused multiple times, creating a collage of different drawings, names, and paintings. I loved coming up here to look at everything. Each time I came up, there was something new or someone creating something new. I planned out the exact spot where I was going to do my painting one day, I have just never actually done it. It feels like if I become a part of this, the magic of it might slip away. This place was beautiful, and it felt like home every time I came here.
I walked around for a little bit before taking a seat on the ground next to a spray painted face on the ground. I just took a deep breath of the cool air before feeling the wind start to give me goosebumps. I guess the summer was really ending, and a new chapter was beginning.
We stood there in the bathroom doorway talking for what seemed like forever. We were both smiling, and I loved how honest and sweet he was. When he seemed to get nervous, he ran a hand through his hair. He had an amazing smile.
“So is there a boyfriend I should be afraid might walk in and hurt me for spending so much time with you?” Kasey said to me.
“No, there’s not. Is there a girlfriend that might try and beat me up?” I asked him, hoping he said no.
“No, you’re in the clear,” He joked.
“Good,”
“You’re much more beautiful than any other girl I’ve ever seen,” He said before we became silent. He leaned closer to me, and I looked at him straight in the eyes. Suddenly, my eyes closed as our lips touched sweetly. He leaned back to where he was before, nervous as to how I would react. I bit my lip before standing up and pressing my lips to his again.
All of a sudden, I felt like I needed to talk to someone. I knew I couldn’t call Jackie, because she was off getting drunk before she left for school tomorrow. My parents still didn’t know, so I couldn’t talk to them. My other friends didn’t know yet either. I decided to talk to the one that would always be there for me.
“Hey baby, my name’s Gia. I’m your mommy. I promise to always have paint in the house. Not the bad paint, like yellow ochre than some scientists believe can cause cancer of course. I’ll have finger paint and face paint. I’ll keep crayons in almost every room. I promise you’ll have every opportunity in the world. I promise,” I said, pressing my hand against my stomach lightly. I knew the baby was little, but I just had a feeling he or she heard me, felt me.
I looked at my phone and saw that I should probably head over to Chuck’s to get there on time. I got up and took one more look around before heading back down the hill and over to my car. I drove out of the parking lot and over to Chuck’s before parking again. I stepped out of the car to see Kasey pulling his car into the parking lot. I took a deep breath before shutting my car door. I locked my car and stood there for a minute before starting to walk towards Kasey. He shut his car off before hopping out of the front seat. He fumbled for something in the backseat just as I was getting to him.
“Hey,” I said to him. He jumped a little, not seeing me since he was still trying to grab the object in his back seat.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” I said as he got out of the car and I saw a bouquet of flowers in his hand. I smiled automatically at the gesture.
“It’s okay. Hey Gia,” he said as we hugged. He handed me the bouquet, and I saw a few beautiful pink and white daisies looking up at me.
“Thank you. They’re beautiful,” I said smelling them. I purposely lowered them afterwards just enough for them to rub against my stomach so the baby could smell them too.
“Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady,”
Will he still call me beautiful after what I tell him?