Breathe It All In

Feeling nervous was an understatement.

I tapped my fingers on my leg lightly, hoping that Kasey didn't notice. We had just finished eating, and now we were walking towards the car. I didn't know when would be the best time to tell him. He was just so great that I didn't want to upset him or ruin the moment. He had held out my chair for me. He commented on how beautiful I was, and he asked me how my day was. He even offered to pay for the bill, and even though I complained that I wanted to pay it, he paid anyways.

When he talked about his music, his eyes just lit up. He had just gotten signed to a big time label, and he was just so happy he was almost gushing. He wasn't doing it in a braggy way, just in an excited way. I hope this doesn't ruin anything for him.

I stopped tapping my fingers as we crossed the parking lot and instead pressed my hand to my stomach. Kasey reached over and took my hand in his gently. As soon as we got to my car, he cleared his throat.

"I just wanted to tell you that I strive to be a gentleman, and taking advantage of you at the party wasn't right. I should've waited until marriage like I was planning on. It's not like I regret it. I don't, because it was amazing. To be honest, I felt like I couldn't resist you. Every time I see you it's like my brain stops working, and I just go with my heart instead of my head. I don't mean to scare you off, I just want to say how I feel," Kasey said to me.

"Kasey you didn't take advantage of me. I wanted it as much as you did. I was going to wait for marriage as well, but everything happens for a reason. There was something I wanted to tell you though," I said, holding back the quivers running up my spine.

"What's that?"

"I'm pregnant." I shrunk back, afraid of his reaction. Every possible reaction ran through my head waiting for him to say anything.

"What?" He said, smiling like I was joking.

"We didn't use protection, so...we're having a baby," I said honestly. His mouth twitched before his forehead creased. He started to say something a few times before walking away and back. He then grabbed my hand and pulled me over to his car. I had to double my steps to keep up with his pace. He opened up the passenger side door, and I sat in the seat, nervously pulling the seatbelt over my body and clicking it into place. Kasey jumped in the car and immediately started the engine. He pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road, turning right quickly. I was afraid to say anything to him.

We had just done it. It was awkward, it was beautiful, it felt amazing. We were nervous, yet we were so confident. We fit together perfectly, and even though we both seemed to have our doubts about how quickly we were doing it, we forgot everything and just focused on each other. We laid there, on top of a sheet on Jackie's bed. We just looked at each other, smiling nervously, our hands intertwined. He kissed my forehead gently.

"That was my first time," I said honestly, catching my breath.

"Me too," He said, bringing me closer to him. We kissed, and it felt like time stopped altogether. It was beautiful.

"I'm not going to hurt you. Don't be scared," He said, sounding extremely upset. His hands were shaking.

"Where are we going?"

"My place," He said. Suddenly, we pulled up to a Blockbuster movie store. He got out of the car and opened the passenger door for me. He locked the car before taking my hand in his as we walked in the door next to the Blockbuster and ran up to the second floor. I bit my lip, not knowing what was going to happen. Was he going to yell? Kill me? I had no idea. I knew my phone was right in my bag incase I needed it. Right next to my pepper spray.

There was one apartment at the top of the stairs, and he immediately unlocked the door and let me inside. His apartment was unexpected compared to the many apartments I've seen of my guy friends. Even though it was very small, I could tell that he had put time into it. He kept it clean, and I noticed it was only two rooms big. There was artwork all over the walls, and he had made a corner into a small recording area.

He let go of my hand before going and sitting on his small couch. I closed the door before going towards him slowly. He had his head almost between his legs, and his arms were tangled over his head.

"Please don't get an abortion." He seemed to beg, even though his head was still in between his legs.

"Of course not. I'd never get an abortion unless I was raped, and I was definitely not raped." I said, giggling at end because of my nerves. He didn't answer.

"Don't be mad. Please. If you don't want to be here for the baby that's fine. I won't bug you. I won't even tell your parents if you want. It's okay. I'm okay with whatever you want to do, really. I totally respect that you just got signed to a label and you're going to be a big rockstar and everything." I said, stopping myself so I didn't continue to ramble and say how much I wanted him in the baby's life. He looked up at me, standing up to come in front of me. I was a tall girl, but I still had to look up to see into his big eyes.

"I'm not leaving you to do this all on your own," He looked up before running his hands through his hair, pacing around, and sighing, "I definitely don't want you doing that. Please don't do that. It's just...gosh. At first I went against everything and had pre-maritial sex, and I was just forgiving myself for that. Now there's a kid. It's just happening so fast."

"I wasn't expecting it either. I honestly did want to start a family before age thirty, but this was a little earlier than I thought it was going to be. If this is going to ruin your career..." I said, looking away from him.

"Please stop trying to push me away," He said immediately.

"I'm not trying to, but you're a gentleman. You're going to want to stay because of principle. I want you to stay because you want to. Or leave because you want to. Not because you have to." I said honestly. Kasey walked into the bathroom and back out again before kicking his foot against a chair softly. He looked at me and smiled sympathetically.

"This is a lot for one night, but I want you to know that I will be here in the morning. That's what I can one hundred percent promise tonight," He said coming over to me. I hugged him, taking in his scent. I looked up at him as he pressed his lips to mine softly.

"Thank you," I said honestly.

"Stay the night. I promise, no funny business," He said with a smile. I gave him a peck on the lips before nodding. He smiled.

"Let me get you something to wear," He said going into his dresser on the opposite side of the room, right next to what I assumed to be the place where his bed would pull out from the wall. I sat on his couch smiling both inside and out, knowing that at least for tonight he wouldn't be going anywhere.