Breathe It All In

My eyes felt swollen when I woke up that morning.

The day before, I had driven home immediately after I was able to catch my breath and see the road clearly. Once I had gotten inside my house, my mom saw me with tears in my eyes. She made me sit at the table while she gave me a glass of water. I sipped it quietly, letting the tears fall. I didn't tell her anything. That was not the time. I did lie and say that I had slept over Jackie's house. As I went up the stairs to my room, I apologized for not calling the house and telling them I wouldn't be home.

I still lived with my parents. I had lived in a dorm room for most of the past four years, and I was trying to save my money as I tackled graduate school. My parents were great. They were very religious but very loving. Deep down, I felt like they would love me no matter what. And I knew they would spoil Gia shamelessly. They would be the best grandparents a kid could ask for.

It was time to tell them. Before somehow they heard it from someone else. Though, I doubted that. Jackie was on a plane to New York City with a massive hangover and Kasey...well Kasey might not want anything to do with all this.

I sat up and got out of bed quickly. I wanted it to be like a Band-Aid. Pull it off fast and get it over with. Though the thought of Band-Aids made me want to vomit. I was able to hold the puke down as I descended the staircase and heard my parents chatting idly over their traditional Sunday breakfast. I could smell mom's pancakes as I headed into the kitchen.

I saw the two of them, each reading a section of the paper. Dad read the business section while mom read the "Ask Annie" and horoscope sections. The food smelt delicious, and my stomach was rumbling. I decided to ignore it, knowing I might throw up all over the kitchen table before I can tell them. My nerves almost got the best of me, but my dad looked over to me. I couldn't run. It was time.

"Hey sweetheart. You feeling alright?" He asked me. I walked over and gave him a kiss on the cheek before sitting down at the table with them.

"Good morning. I'm okay. I do need to tell you something." I said, my legs shaking.

"Is it a boy? That's what I think it is. You've been locking yourself in your room with ice cream and crying. Did he break your heart? Did he cheat? Wait, who was he?" My mother said, dropping her paper onto the ground and focusing all her attention on me. Mom loved gossip.

"He hasn't asked me to allow him to date you. That's very un-gentleman like of him. I know it's the 21st century and all-" My father started, taking his reading glasses off. He always did that when he was about to debate.

"Oh Bob, no one does that anymore. Only for marriage. When Gia feels confident enough about the relationship she'll bring him over. Unless he just broke up with you. Then we'll have to pray for his soul because he just gave up the most beautiful girl in the world," My mom said, pinching my cheek just as she stopped talking.

"Actually, it does have something to do with a boy. But it also has something to do with me and a decision I made." I said, trying to not stutter. My parents are silent. I took a deep breath. Now or never.

"I'm pregnant." I say. I recoil as if I'm about to get slapped. My arms extend around my stomach, shielding my baby from whatever was going to happen. I shut my eyes for a moment. When I open them, my mother is looking directly in my eyes. The way she looks at me...it is as if I had just destroyed something inside of her. Her tears are only seen for a moment before she abruptly gets out of her chair, knocking it over. She runs out of the kitchen and I can hear her high heeled shoes against the stairs before a door is slammed. I turn to see my father glaring at me. It's such a different look than he has ever given me. I'm frightened by it.

"Why would you ruin your future like this. The future my mother and I slaved our lives away for? The one we discussed? Where you promised us to stay pure until marriage. Where you said that to us first, because you wanted to change the education system yourself to give all kids the chance to learn. Do you remember that? Or has that sperm in your body altered your mind as well? Are you going to get an abortion? Since it seems as though you've thrown all your morals away to become a harlot." At this point, tears are flowing from my eyes. He just looks at me sternly.

"Daddy, I didn't mean for this to happen. It all happened so fast. Please tell me you love me. Please," I beg as he stands up to look at me.

"Get out. Get your things. Get out. Now."