I Wanna Take a Ride on Your Disco Stick

“AHHH! There’s a rapist in my bedroom!” I screamed. You would’ve thought he was a rapist too. I mean with the creepy cloak and the fact that he was in my bedroom in the middle of the night, how could I not think that?

I reached over and switched on my bedside lamp.

“AHHH! The light it burns!” He wailed, shielding his face with his arms.

“Sheesh, don’t be such a vampire,” I rolled my eyes while he continued to squeal and squirm. “I’m turning it off!” Once we were shrouded in darkness once again, I opened my mouth to say, “So you’re creeping in my room why?” But I didn’t have a chance, for at that moment the door flung open. Correction, the door flung off its hinges.

“I heard screaming. Honaka-chan, are you okay?” Mori breathed. The door made a loud bang as it hit the floor.

“Sempai? What the hell? You can’t just go ripping off people’s doors!”

“. . .Sorry.”

“Well, since you’re here, can you deal with that?” I threw my hand in the rapist’s direction.

“Morinozuka-kun?” The predator gaped in astonishment.

“Nekozawa-kun?”

“Hold up, hold up! You two know each other?” I demanded.

“Well of course, Morinozuka is in my class.”

Mori grunted in agreement. See that, we’ve become such good friends I can understand what his grunts mean!

“Why are you in Honaka-chan’s bedroom this late at night?”

“Well I could ask you the same thing, but long story short that brat Ehiko-chan stole Beelzenoff, and while I was chasing her, she slid it under Honaka-chan’s door then scampered off to the rose garden.” He held up the wooden doll to prove his point.

“Why did E have your doll?” I wondered aloud.

“I’m not sure…”

“Well gentlemen,” I sighed. “Seems this was all a big misunderstanding. I’ll go find E and kick his ass for causing so much trouble.” And with that, I left them standing there, still slightly confused about the whole ordeal.

“Stupid Ehiko, leaving the door unlocked and letting rapists roam freely into my room, running off into the middle of the night, making me go look for him and break curfew. Oh God, when I see him he’s gonna get an ass full of foot. . . – What the hell happened to the rose garden?” Yes, I realize I was talking to myself. Well it was more of angry muttering until I got to the whole rose garden part.

You see something – someone – had gone rampaging through the side of the maze, leaving a giant gaping hole only four feet from the actual entrance.

There’s only one retard in the world that would do something like that. His name starts with an Ehi and ends with a Ko. The man formerly known as my best friend.

With a hefty sigh I began to follow the messy trail of crushed flowers and thorns. It went on for seven or eight walls of shrubbery, and then stopped a few feet from the gazebo. I looked left, then right, but didn’t see E anywhere. Figuring he’d already gone, I turned to leave, but stopped when I heard the faintest snoring coming from the gazebo.

Someone was curled up beneath one of the benches, someone who resembled my best friend in drag; only he didn’t look so good. His pajamas were torn and dirty, he was missing a shoe, cuts and scratches coated the visible parts of his skin, leaves, twigs, and other bramble were stuck in his hair. It was sad, really. He looked so pathetic my anger just melted away.

“Hey, E,” I shook him lightly, trying not to cause him anymore pain than he already appeared to be in. “E, wake up. Come on buddy.”

His eyes opened into slits and he gave a groggy, “Shae-shae? That you?”

I nodded, and brushed his bangs out of the crusty, rust colored blood on his cheek.

“Come on, you need a shower.” I slid his arm over my shoulder, and my own arm around his waist. It was awkward, but we slowly limped our way back up to my room. It was a miracle we didn’t get caught by a faculty member. They’re usually super strict about patrolling the hallways after curfew.

And to my surprise, when we finally got up to my room after the agonizing shuffling walk, the door had been reattached. A note scribbled in Mori’s neat hand writing, which translated to: Sorry about the door. had been taped to said door.

I managed to get E into the bathtub where I proceeded to clean up his cuts with rubbing alcohol and a face cloth. When I’d gotten his blood free for the most part, I awkwardly helped him out of his pajamas while running a hot bath.

And then I left him in his underwear in the bathroom with a tub full of warm bubbly water, and a few words of wisdom, “Now dear, don’t drown.” I slid a towel onto the towel warmer and then went back to the main room where I curled up on one side of my bed. About twenty minutes later E crawled into bed next to me. It was satisfying having my best friend back, it made me feel whole again. And I could sleep peacefully knowing we’d wake up in the morning all tangled up in each other’s limbs. That’s the way it’s always been when we sleep together. We’re like magnets, we just can’t stay apart.