I Wanna Take a Ride on Your Disco Stick

“Something wrong Shae?” Ehiko asked catching sight of my blush.

“That statue… has boy parts,” I whispered.

“Shane, you’re fifteen! Are you honestly that immature that you can’t say penis?” He laughed.

“Don’t say it!” I groaned. “That’s so gross!”

“Oh my god! You’re pathetic,” He snickered.

“Miss Honaka!” The teacher called, “Why don’t you tell us something you like about this statue?”

Oh my dear lord, somebody please shoot me.

E howled with laughter as I stammered and blushed. But upon looking around at my classmates I found that I wasn’t the only one blushing, and Ehiko wasn’t the only one laughing, he was just laughing the loudest…

“Um… er… erm… I… it…” Everyone’s eyes were on me and it was making me squirm.

Panic attack. Can’t breathe.

“Actually I think it’s ugly as crap,” E said, coming to my rescue once his giggles had finally subsided. “What’s the point of a naked baby pissing into a pond? What kind of a sick person makes a statue like that in front of a high school? Or I guess it’s more of a fountain really…”

“Mr. Naga! Watch you language!” The teacher scolded.

“What? I only said piss! I didn’t say shit or anything! Though that’d be even worse… a statue of a baby shitting?”

“Ehiko please just shut up,” I hissed. At that point I was beyond embarrassed. Thank god Mori wasn’t in my art class.

“Since you two have nothing better to do but talk while I’m trying to teach and then poke fun at the statues we’re observing, which by the way each nearly cost nine million yen, why don’t you march yourselves down to the principal’s office! Or better yet, just head straight to the headmaster’s office!”

And that’s how I ended up getting sent to the headmaster’s office for the second time that day.

---

“Miss Honaka,” Headmaster Suoh sighed heavily. “Didn’t we agree this wouldn’t become a habit?”

“It’s not my fault!” I protested. “The statue had boy parts!”

And of course saying that sent Ehiko into another fit of cackles, tears streaming down his face from laughing so hard.

Mr. Suoh took a deep breath and massaged his temples.

“This is going to be a long year isn’t it?”

Ehiko and I nodded.

“Well it’s nearly lunch time, you two should get down to the cafeteria. Just please try to not get kicked out of yet another class? Three times and even Buddha would get mad*.”

---

“I heard you two got sent to the headmaster’s office twice,” The twins smirked when we slid into our seats at lunch.

“You’re dad’s very nice Tamaki,” I mumbled.

“Whoa! What, the headmaster’s you father?” Ehiko asked, stunned.

“Yes, E, come on get with the program already! You’re so far behind,” I sighed picking at my lunch unenthusiastically.

“Well anyway, only Shae got sent twice. Both times for talking,” Ehiko explained through mouthfuls of curry.

“And what did you get sent for?” The twins asked slyly.

“Profane language,” E smirked, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

Tamaki pursed his lips. “You know, we may have to rethink our decision about you joining the host club. We can’t have one of our members ending up in trouble all the time!”

“I could be the bad boy.” E wiggled his eyebrows and flexed his arms.

“No, no you couldn’t. Plus isn’t Mori already the ‘bad boy’? I mean in a sense?” I said and everyone turned to stare at the boy in question.

“Is it true Takashi? Are you really bad?” Honey asked. His big eyes filled with betrayal and fear.

“Nah, Mori’s too quiet to be a bad boy,” Ehiko said.

“True, true,” Tamaki nodded.

“You know I can hear you?” Mori mumbled. Everyone ignored him.

“So I take that to mean that we’re in?” E grinned.

“Yes, we’ve decided that you and Shane are ‘in’ as you put it. But,” Kyoya warned. “If you two get in trouble one more time, we’ll have no choice but to remove you from the club.”

“Alright!” Ehiko and I yelled simultaneously, high-fiving in triumph.

---

“Do I really have to?” I groaned.

“Yes! Cosplay is an important part of being in the host club,” Tamaki said.

“Cosplay’s okay, but this isn’t what I’d call cosplay! This is just some stupid maid outfit to attract horny guys!” I protested, holding the aforementioned maid outfit as though it were something absolutely repulsive (which it kind of was).

“Isn’t that the point though?” Ehiko asked. “Of you being in the club I mean. You supposed to attract horny boys, right? Isn’t that what Kyoya wants?”

“I’m suddenly having second thoughts…”

“Come on Shae-Shae! Pretty please, with a maraschino cherry on top?” Ehiko begged.

“Well I do like maraschino cherries…”

And then of course he had to go and make the face.

“Okay! Fine! I’ll do it!” I grumbled. “But I swear if some creepo perv tries to cop a feel, I’ll tie you all up and feed your dicks to piranhas, STILL ATTACHED!”

“Nah, you wouldn’t waste Mori’s dick on piranhas, you’d do other things to him,” Ehiko said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“EHIKO NAGA I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!” I screamed in plain English.

“I’d like to see you try!” He taunted.

“You won’t see me though, because you’ll be asleep…” I cackled mischievously.