Your Faith in Me

I heard the knock on the door as I laid on the couch. Curled up in a ball, I let out a loud groan as I set myself straight and stood up. Pulling my shirt down as I stepped towards the door, I tried to clear my head before I had to face Tom. Seeing as how our last talk went I wasn’t expecting things to go smoothly, and I wasn’t going to let him talk to me again that way that he did. But at the same time, I knew that I had to get through to him, and that I had to be there for him as I swung the door open to a disheveled Tom. His clothes were a mess, his hair was a disaster and he had huge bags under his eyes, bigger than the last time I had seen him. I moved to the side, gesturing for him to walk in, neither of us speaking to each other as he walked past me.

Tom stood awkwardly at the threshold, cupping the back of his neck with his left hand bending over slightly with bad posture, the tension so thick in the air, so palpable it could be cut with one of the knives in my kitchen two feet away. I stood in front of him, arms crossed as I stared at him, but he wouldn’t look anywhere but at the floor, his solid stare made my stomach uneasy as I let out a sigh and made my way to the couch. I didn’t have to look at him to know that he was following me, and it wasn’t until I sat myself solidly on my couch that I looked at him sitting tensely across from me on the loveseat. His gaze was empty as he stared at the floor, probably the only thing that he had looked at since he arrived here. I brought my arms around me, looking at the microwave in the kitchen five feet behind where Tom was sitting. The silence enveloping the both of us the tension so strong I could feel it slithering it’s way across my body ever so slowly as if it were a slippery snake.

“Well are you going to say anything?” I asked him aggressively shrugging my shoulders angrily as I nodded my head towards him, widening my eyes at him as he sat like a statue unmoving, a lightning flash of movement came across him as my harsh tone made him flinch back in his seat. My nostrils flared angrily with a will of it’s own, and I impatiently waited for a response from him. Ever so slowly, Tom’s head painstakingly lifted on his shoulders and his gaze slowly found it’s way to mine. I leaned back on the couch, relaxing the muscles in my shoulders, staring him down as he shriveled under my eyes.

“I’m sorry Kristen, I really am, I don’t know what else to say. I didn’t mean any of that, I mean she did tell me those things, but I always knew they weren’t true. And I was just mad that you had said those things about her” He told me, though it resembled more of a babble, with it’s hysterical tone, and jumble of words condensed into one, covering each of them as they came out of his mouth. His sky blue eyes bored into mine intensely and I could see the remorse in his face, my only reaction a look of disgust as I rolled my eyes at his pathetic attempt at an apology

“So let me get this straight. It’s okay for you to say those things to me because you were defending this girl that doesn’t even want you?” I scoffed angrily, crossing my arms together as I leaned slowly back on the couch to look at him dubiously. I wasn’t going to let him sit here and expect me to pity him like some poor kid, I wasn’t going to let him sit there and play the victim card. And I knew that he could tell that by the way he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Kris what am I supposed to say?’ He asked in frustration, the volume of his tone inching higher, biting back on his lip, he tilted his head to the side, a pained expression crossing his face as he looked at me. As if in desperation Tom began scratching the back of his head incessantly, his right leg shaking up and down in a fast constant motion. I shook my head in anger, it was incredible how uninformed Tom could be sometimes. He was asking for a harsh wake up call, and I was just the person to give it to him, whether he wanted it or not.

“Tom listen to me” I told him sitting forward in my seat as I brought my hands together and rested my elbows on my knees. I sucked in a breath licking my lips as I found his gaze. “You need to get your shit together. Now. You are a mess, your life is going to go nowhere if you keep on bitching and moaning and relishing in your self pity. She doesn’t want you. She chose her path Tom, and you need to get over it. Like I told you this morning, she’s a self entitled, back stabbing manipulative bitch. And don’t you dare open your mouth yet because I’m not finished,” I spat harshly at him sticking my finger menacingly in the air, Tom bit back on his lip cowering into the loveseat as he nodded his head at me. “I am not here to make you feel bad Tom, or make you even worse than you already do. But you are going to hear the truth whether you want to or not. Because that’s the only way that things are going to get better. She didn’t love you Tom. And I know that you can’t make any sense of it right now. And I don’t think you ever will to be honest. But she lied to you, she kept things from you, and she doesn’t seem to feel bad about any of it. You are a mess, you look like you haven’t had any rest in weeks, like you’ve been starving yourself. Tom you are amazing, any girl would be lucky to be dating you, and Jade took that for granted. And she may not know it now, but she just killed the best thing that she’s ever had. You can hate me for telling you that this is what’s best for you. You may hate me for saying that she’s not worth your time. You may hate me for telling you that your guys’ relationship was a lie, and that it was the worst thing that has ever happened to you. But it’s the truth. And the last time I checked I was the only one who had the balls to tell it to you like it is whether you like it or not.” I told him nodding my head once, raising my eyebrows challengingly at him, Tom sat there in silence, as still as a stone, looking at me with an expression that I couldn’t decipher. And I internally cringed at the thought of the denial that was going to come out of his mouth, steeling myself on the exterior.

“Kristen you’re right.” He finally said after countless seconds of unbearable silence, I shrank back in shock at what he had just said, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion, but I kept on looking at him as he continued. “After you kicked me out. I had all day to think about what you told me this morning. I sat alone in the hotel room, in the dark, just going over what you had said. And I thought of all the times I came to visit you with Jade. You were never comfortable. You never smiled that smile, you know, the one you get when you’re truly happy. And I saw it yesterday when we were eating in the kitchen, doing nothing special at all. And I realized that I hadn’t ever seen it when I was with her. And so I thought back to it, and it all seemed to fit together, Jade was always more hostile whenever we came over, we always fought when we got back to the hotel, she always dressed up more than she usually did, she always wanted me to be holding her, kissing her. And I realized that she always had her nose stuck up in the air as if she was better than you. But not only you, it was everyone, Emma, Dan, Rupert. And it wasn’t until I was scratching my chest, and I pulled out my necklace by accident” Tom reached into his shirt and took out the dog tag that I had given him three years ago, the one that I gave him as a sign of our friendship, I nodded my head, slowly reaching into my shirt and protruding out mine, shorter in length, but identical non the less, the one that he had given me in return, the two brother and sister chains that we never took them off. “I realized that you would never tell me something unless it was true. And I was disgusted with myself for lashing out on you. Disgusted with myself at the fact that I had let her get in between the two of us. You’re my best friend Ronnie. And I don’t ever want you to second guess that. I will always be here for you, and I know that it didn’t seem like it earlier today, but my love for you, will always be greater than that of which I had for Jade. I don’t love her. I never did, because love, when you love someone, lying doesn’t fit it’s way into the equation. Just thinking about the past two years of my life I feel like all of it was revolved around Jade, and I didn’t spend as much time with the people who truly care for me. And I hate myself for that.”

My jaw was wide open in shock by the time he had finished, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from him, the exact opposite of that in which I was predicting. And I sat there dumbfounded, staring blankly at him as I let his words register. And then, after a long mental analysis, the both of us looking at each other in silence, I couldn’t help but crack into a smile, Tom sat there, his posture relaxing instantly as he let out a sigh of relief and he smiled back, his face looking lighter, his blue eyes filling themselves with the life that they had been missing. I ran a hand through my hair and nodded my head as I licked my lips.

“Well now that that’s settled lets get down to another serious issue” I told him quickly, swatting my arm in the air nonchalantly, crossing my legs up on the couch, Tom’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked at me expectantly. “What are you going to do with your life from here?” Tom smiled nodding his head as the puzzle finally clicked into place in his mind.

“Well, I am moving over here like the rest of them” He told me with a dubious grin leaning back on the couch as he raised his arms, flexing them as they were held behind his head as well, I raised my eyebrows at him and he let out a laugh “ I’m college bound you know, I have another year, I might pick up on acting here in the states, but I don’t want to be away from you guys right now. Because quite honestly, I don’t know how good I’m going to do on my own right now.” I let out a breath through my nostrils looking around the empty apartment.

“You’ll live here” The words coming out of my mouth before I could even think about what that would mean. Tom looked up, a bright look on his face, as he looked around the apartment. It was big enough for the both of us, and I was always lonely when I got home from work, Tom really needed me right now. Leaving him alone could mean disastrous events occurring. I nodded my head, biting back a smile. “You need me now more than ever Tom. So go get your bags, looks like you’re going to be my roommate”

“I love you, you know that?” Tom asked me with a huge smile, genuine compared to the ones that I had seen in the last two days, I smiled nodding my head as he got up from the loveseat and jumped on top of me, ambushing me in a huge bear hug. The both of us laughing at our childness. It was so easy for me to forgive Tom, it was ridiculous sometimes. I let out a huff of breath as he released my from his grip and I sat up straight in my seat to look at him.

“Tom, if you ever say anything bad to me, and or about me, I will personally strangle you to death in your sleep” I warned him crossing my arms over my chest glaring him up and down openly. He rolled his eyes, nodding his head in agreement as he reached over and spread his arm over my shoulders, I couldn’t help but role mine as I gave in and leaned into him. I looked up, making contact with his deep blue eyes. “They’re worried about you, you know.” He let out an exhausted sight.

“I don’t blame them, I called them all somewhere near the brink of a never ending depression” He told me pushing back on his body and leaning more comfortably into the plush couch, extending his long legs, he placed his feet on the black wooden coffee table, a look of relaxation crossing over his face, only to be ruined as I extended my hand in one quick fluid movement and swatted them down. He looked at me, eyebrows furrowed, an expression of mock anger directed towards me, but I didn’t care.

“You’re a dumb ass Tom” I told him, extending my legs towards the ground, placing my feet solidly on the ground as I stood up, extending my hand towards Tom, he looked up at me, nodding his head in disagreement but reached up and took mine in his, and, with a bit of struggle, I succeeded in pulling him up on his feet beside me. “Let’s go get your bags. Everyone’s coming back in about an hour, seeing as this is the crash pad” I grabbed a hold of his arm, and roughly dragged him towards the door. Tom unwillingly followed, stumbling over his steps as we got there.

“I totally call the bed, my back is killing me, I think I’m getting arthritis!” He yelled out in exasperation rubbing the back of his neck and looking back at me, pushing his body towards the apartment as if he was going to run to my room and mark his spot on my bed for tonight, I pushed him roughly out towards the elevator down the hall, shaking my head incessantly at his comment.

“Point proven Tom, you definitely are a dumb ass” I said rolling my eyes at him as I locked the door behind me, he nodded his head in approval as we got into the elevator, and then after a few seconds, the words registered in his head and his face did a complete 360 in a flash and he glared angrily at me, “Which is why you get the bed, with your luck your head will slip off your pillow and land on the floor, god knows how much more concussion damage it can take.” I told him letting out a huff of air, eyeing him warily, he leaned his head towards the elevator wall and I rolled my eyes predicting what happened next. He let out a howl of pain, instantly jerking rubbing the side of his head that had come into contact with the wall incessantly, and I laughed loudly pointing my finger at him mockingly. He reached over and pulled a piece of my hair, and I opened my mouth widely in shock and swatted uselessly at him as he extended his arm, tucking me into the nook of his armpit, and gave the top of my head a quick peck, his face plastered with a huge smile. Things would get better for him. I could feel it.