Foolish Games

They were never officially together, but somehow they were officially over.

“You don’t actually mean what you’re saying, do you?” Emily asked, her voice trembling as she tried to speak calmly to Brendon. She could feel her heart breaking, though she knew she shouldn’t have been feeling anything. She shouldn’t even care that Brendon wanted to walk away. He didn’t care just like he was supposed to—just like she was supposed to. He also wasn’t obligated to stay. They weren’t a couple. They weren’t anything.

“I do mean what I’m saying,” Brendon said calmly. Emily knew he was trying to do this as nicely as he could, but it still hurt her.

“But—Brendon,” Emily stumbled over what she wanted to say. She could feel her eyes sting as she held back tears she just wanted to release. “I lo--”

“Don’t,” he interrupted her sharply. “Don’t say it. I’m not changing my mind. Nothing you say will change my mind.”

“Will you at least tell me why you’re doing this?” Emily asked quietly, looking down at her hands which she placed on her lap. She heard Brendon sigh.

“This just isn’t working out,” he said. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy being around you—it’s just, things just seem like they’re getting out of control. Feelings are getting mixed into this.”

“Well, Brendon,” Emily snapped, looking away from her hands at the wall to her right in the kitchen they were sitting in. “I’m sorry for actually caring about you and believing that you might actually care about me.”

“I do care about you,” Brendon said. “Will you please look at me instead of every other fucking thing in this room?”

Emily turned her gaze towards Brendon’s face—angry brown eyes meeting her own hurt blue eyes.

“You don’t make any sense, you know that?” she said.

“How do I not make any sense?” Brendon asked, leaning forward slightly in the chair he was sitting in and resting his arms on the table in front of him.

“You claim to care about me, but you don’t seem to care that you’re hurting me,” Emily replied, also leaning forward in her chair and resting her own arms on the table.

“This wouldn’t be hurting you if you didn’t get your feelings involved,” Brendon said. “If you had tried--”

“I did try!” Emily exclaimed sitting back now as she interrupted Brendon. “I tried so hard, Brendon.”

“Well apparently you didn’t try hard enough,” he snapped.

“You know what Brendon?” Emily asked angrily. “Get the fuck out. Leave. Get out of my house. I don’t even care anymore.”

“Can we please just finish talking about this?” Brendon asked.

“No,” she said, standing up. “You want me to not care? This is me not caring. Now leave.”

Brendon stood up as well and stared at Emily for a moment, unsure of what to do.

“Get out!” Emily said, raising her voice. Without a word, Brendon left the kitchen and soon after Emily flinched as she heard the front door of her house slam shut.

For a moment, Emily stayed completely still; not moving, not feeling—but only for a moment. The weight of what had just happened hit Emily harder than she had expected and she felt her knees weaken as she sank into the chair she had been sitting in just minutes ago. She buried her face in her hands as she let the tears fall. She wasn’t supposed to, but she loved Brendon. Brendon didn’t want love, though. He didn’t want feelings.

A strangled sob escaped Emily, followed by another and another until her sobs were the only noise that filled the empty kitchen. Brendon had broken Emily’s heart more times than she could count and each time seemed to hurt worse than the last. This wasn’t the first time that Brendon had decided to leave because Emily was putting too much of her emotions on the table. And even though this had happened before, Emily never had any hope that Brendon would return. Every time he left, she believed it was for good. She didn’t ever expect him to return and make her promise to not let her emotions get in the way of what they shared.

All she could think of was about how much she loved Brendon. She loved him and he knew it. That’s why he would leave. And that’s why he would come back because he knew that she would take him back, no matter how they had ended things before.

But Brendon didn’t come back this time. And Emily wasn’t surprised.