I'm Amazed That I Got This Far

When John and I arrived at my house, we both climbed out of my car, and John went around to the side of the house, while I walked up to the front door. I unlocked it, before going inside, and taking off my shoes. I went into the kitchen, to see my dad swallowing down a pill, with some water. I set my keys down and looked over at him, a confused look on my face.

"I'm staying home from work tomorrow." He sighed. "I feel like something inside of me died."

"I think that's a little exaggerated, Dad." I said, with a small smile.

"Just a little." He chuckled. "But I haven't been feeling good."

"You haven't been feeling well." I corrected him.

"Well. Right." He nodded. "I haven't been feeling well."

"That's it." I laughed.

He smiled and nudged me lightly. "I'm going to go into the family room and lay down. Maybe even watch a movie. Want to join me?"

"I, uhm...I have a lot of homework I need to do." I lied, remembering that I needed to let John into my room.

"You're waiting until Sunday night to do your homework?" He asked.

"Yeah, I've just been doing other things." I shrugged, as I went over to the fridge. "Kinda got side-tracked."

"Oh, alright. Make sure you get it done." He warned, as he pointed at me. "Or you'll hear it from me, Missy."

"Okay, Dad." I smiled.

He smiled back and patted my shoulder lightly, before going into the family room. I pulled open the fridge and grabbed two water bottles out. I looked around in the fridge, trying to find something for John to eat. Once I found a few pudding cups, I took two out, and grabbed some spoons, before going towards the stairs.

I made my way into my room and shut my door behind me. I went over to my window, after I set the pudding and waters down. I opened my window, and looked down, to see John sitting on the air conditioner. Once he heard the window open, he looked up at me, and stood on the air conditioner. He climb up into a tree, like a monkey would do, and I held out my hand, once he got close enough to reach it. He took a hold of my hand and slowly climbed into the window.

"Thanks." He sighed, once his feet landed firmly on the ground.

"Welcome." I nodded, as I tossed him a bottle of water, a pudding cup, and a spoon. "Here."

He thanked me again, before plopping down on my bed. I sat down next to him and I flipped my TV on, so we could decide on a show to watch, while we just sat in my room for the whole night. I put my head on my hand, as I set my pudding and water down next to me, and I looked at John, who was staring at the TV, while scooping pudding on a spoon, and sticking it in his mouth. He set the cup in between his legs, still staring at the TV, and felt around for his water bottle, before opening it, and taking a swig. He capped it and set it next to him, and resumed eating his pudding.

I looked away from him and thought about what happened today. The way John acted in the car was...really different. He's never acted like that. I mean, guys have done stupid shit to me before like that, but he's never been so...angry looking about it. He wasn't a very violent person and when he slammed his hand against the armrest in anger, it made me realized that I must mean a lot to him. I'm not saying that I'm the most important...but he made me feel important. And I just...really liked that about John.

I know I have the best friend anyone could ask for, and the way he acted at the car wash, while we were laying in my bed, and in the car...it made me realize how cute John was. Yes, I've always thought he was cute, but not like dating cute, but after I looked at everything that went down these past couple weeks, and I just realized how much John meant to me, and I meant that as in more than friends. I mean, what isn't there to like about John? He's nice, funny, cute, would do anything for anyone, and he was just...John. He was likable. Really likable.

Could I really be falling for my best friend?

I think I am.

"Kay?" John said slowly. "Are you with me here?"

"What?" I said, as I looked over at him.

"What're you thinking about?" He asked, as he crossed his legs. "You looked...really into your thoughts."

"Just about stuff." I shrugged.

"Do you...want to talk about it?" He suggested.

"Just..." I said, before looking at him. "How much do I mean to you?"

"Why are you asking me this?" He asked, with a slight chuckle, as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

"I'm just curious." I said.

"Well." He sighed, as he moved a piece of hair out of his eyes. "You're the most important person to me, honestly; you even come before my parents. You're my best friend and I know that no one could replace you...and I'd take a bullet for you."

"Really?" I smiled.

"Of course." He shrugged, with a smile. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know." I said. "Because then you wouldn't be able to be a musician?"

He laughed to himself and rolled his eyes. "I would rather save you than become a musician, Kay. I'm not that conceited."

"I know you're not conceited." I giggled. "I was just asking."

"Now it's my turn." He said, as he shifted positions on my bed. "How much do I mean to you?"

"Everything you said about me." I said, with a serious tone. "And I'd definitely take a bullet for you, too. And I'll beat anyone up who makes fun of your music."

"You would really beat someone up?" He said, laughing slightly.

"Yes, I would." I nodded.

"And why's that?" He asked.

"Because they're an asshole." I stated. "And your music is the best I've ever heard. No lie."

"Really?" He grinned. "Thanks, Kay."

I smiled and nodded, before holding out my pudding cup to him. "Do you want this?"

"Aren't you going to eat it?" He said slowly.

"You're probably hungry." I shrugged. "Take it. And don't argue with me."

"Thanks." He smiled. "Yeah, I haven't been eating much since I've been running out and everything. But that's my fault."

"It's not your fault." I sighed, as I laid back on my bed.

"Then whose fault is it?"

"Society's. Because everything in this world is fucked."

"What?" He chuckled.

"Just go with it, John." I smiled. "Just go with it."

"Whatever you say, bestie." He smirked, as he pulled off the top of the pudding cup, before he started to eat it.

After John and I watched some more TV, and after I got some more food for him downstairs, it was time for us to go to sleep for the night. School was tomorrow and it's been a long day today...a long, bad day. I grabbed a pair of my pajama pants for John, and he slipped them on, after taking his shirt off. I grabbed my pajamas and changed into them, while John was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. After I was changed, I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face.

When the two of us were ready for bed, we walked into my room, and I shut the door behind us. John tossed the empty pudding cups into my garbage can, and put our water bottles on my nightstand. I turned off the light, once he was done pulling down the covers of my bed, and we both got in. I laid on my back and sighed, wondering exactly how you could fall for your best friend. I mean, we've been best friends for forever...I can't just randomly start to like him. Or can things actually work like that?

I thought best friends were for keeping promises. Confiding in each other. Making each other happy, while you're sad. Telling you the truth, even if it sometimes can hurt. Telling people off when you embarrass yourself, and they all laugh at your small mistake. Telling you that you're the best friend they've ever had and that no one can compare. Not to fall in love with them.

"Kay?" John said.

"Hm?" I asked.

"You're awfully quiet." He stated. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said quietly. "Just tired."

"Well, let's get some sleep." He sighed, as he changed positions. "You've kinda had a very weird and creepy day."

"Yeah." I smiled.

"I'm sorry he did that." He apologized. "If I would've known he was going to do something like that, I wouldn't have joined his band."

"John, it's fine. It's not even your fault." I replied.

"But I'm supposed to protect you...not let you get fucking raped." He stated.

"They've always made me feel weird." I said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. "I would've quit."

"Because, John, you really want this." I said sadly. "And I didn't want to just...rip it away from you, ya know?"

"No, I don't know." He said. "Because last time I checked, you were more important than some stupidass shit band."

"Yeah...you guys are shitty..." I trailed off.

He laughed and nudged me with his elbow softly. "I'm pretty good, though, right?"

"The best."

The next morning, my alarm started going off, and I turned it off quickly, so I wouldn't wake John up. I sat up slowly and looked at him, to see him still sound asleep. I slid out of my bed and went into the bathroom, after I grabbed some clothes, so I could take a quick shower. I turned on the water, once I shut the door and turned on the light, before stripping down, and getting in. When I was done washing myself up, I stepped out, and started to dry myself off. I threw my school clothes on, and brushed out my hair. I pulled my make up bag over, and I started to apply some of the bag's contents.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" I heard my dad yell.

I dropped my eyeliner into the sink, and swung the bathroom door open, before running into my room. My dad was standing in my door, as John flew out of my bed, and let me tell you, that was the fastest I've ever seen John get up.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HALF NAKED IN MY DAUGHTER'S BED?!" My dad screamed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!"

"I'm sorry!" John said, as he grabbed his t-shirt.

"GET OUT!" He boomed.

John didn't even put his shirt on, before running past us and down the stairs. I heard the front door open, and then slam shut. My dad turned to look at me, with fire in his eyes, and I felt my jaw drop to the floor. I felt my eyes already start to sting with tears, and a lump in my throat start to form. This wasn't because that I was scared what my dad was going to do to me; I was scared about what John was going to do now. I wasn't even sure if he was going to show up at school now because of what just happened.

"What is that fuck up doing here?!" My dad asked. "I thought we told you not to hang out with him, and he's half naked in your bed?!"

"He was just staying the night, Dad!" I cried. "He didn't have anywhere else to stay and his parents kicked him out!"

"So you just bring him here?!" He said. "That's not how it's going to work, Kalen. I never want to see him around here ever again!"

"But Dad-"

"Get ready for school!" He demanded. "And stop crying!"

I slowly turned around and went into the bathroom. I tossed my make up back into the bag, not even worrying about wearing any, and I brushed my teeth. I ran a brush through my hair one more time, tears still rolling down my cheeks. I walked out of my bathroom and grabbed everything from my bedroom that I needed for school, before going down the stairs and going out the front door.

When I got to school, I went to my locker, and I looked around for John. I haven't seen him at all, since I've been here, and usually we met up at my locker. Well, usually he didn't get kicked out of my house by my dad...I opened up my locker, wiping my eyes one last time, just to make sure all of my fresh tears were gone, and I grabbed the books I needed for my first few periods. I shut my locker and looked around one last time for John, before heading to my first period class.

"Good morning, everyone." Mr. Thomas smiled, as he walked into the room, after the bell rang. "How is everyone on this chilly Monday?"

The class grumbled a few replies, and Mr. Thomas ignored them, as he pulled out his attendance sheet. He went through the list, and after he went through the first half, he said my name.

"Kalen?"

"Here." I said quietly.

"John?" He said, as he looked around. "Mr. O'Callaghan is gone again?"

No one said anything, and Mr. Thomas looked at me. "Do you know where John is?"

"I don't know." I said. "He's probably sick."

"Okay." He said, obviously not believing me.

Once he was done with attendance, he started to go over the lesson for today. I put my head on my hand and sighed, wondering why John didn't bother coming to school. Well, duh, because he hated it...but why didn't he call me? Or at least send me a text? Where did he even go after he left my house? Back to his house? The woods? To Kevin's?

Yeah, right. That's a joke.

I was worried about him, and I just wanted to know where he was. Maybe he was just skipping first period, and he was going to come in before second period. I pulled out my phone from my purse and looked to see if he sent me anything, but I had nothing. I slid my phone back into my purse, as Mr. Thomas gave me a look, and I smiled slightly at him. I set my bag by my feet and sighed, as I listened to him talk about MLA Format.

When first period was over, I went to my second period class, and still didn't see John. I spent my whole second period debating. Debating whether I should stay at school or go look for John. I was worried about him, but what if I got caught skipping school? Why should I even care when I'm worried about where my best friend is? I could care less about school right now, because what if John was...I don't know...just doing something that he shouldn't be doing?

I waited anxiously for the bell, to signal the end of second period, ring and once it did, I was instantly out of my seat, and down the hallway. I went to my locker and threw all of my books in there, once I got it opened, and then I shut it. I walked down the hallway and towards the doors of the school.

I stood there for a few seconds, staring at the doors to go outside, as kids pushed past me. I let out a sigh and walked towards the exit of the school. I rushed out to the parking lot and went to my car, before getting in, starting it, and taking off towards the woods.

The things I do for you, John.

I groaned loudly, once I found out that John wasn't in the woods, at our spot. I started back down the path, to go back to my car, thinking how I could've been so stupid to leave the door open, while John was sleeping in my bed. I shoved my hands in my pockets, and I knew John had to be at his house. He just had to be. His parents were gone at work, and he would be the only one there, so why wouldn't he go there to get away?

When I reached my car, I got inside, and started it. I pulled out of my spot quickly, and took off towards John's. Once I got there, I got out of my car and saw that his car was still there, but he was still grounded, so he could've walked somewhere. I decided to go look inside anyway, just in case.

I walked to his front door and grabbed the key from under the door mat. I unlocked it and cautiously stepped inside. I heard music playing loudly from upstairs, and it was definitely John's music. I wiped my feet on the carpet and went up the stairs, before going to John's door. I opened it slowly, to see John's back turned to me, and he was tossing things into a suitcase. I went over to him and he looked over at me, before jumping slightly.

"Shit, Kay." He said, as he turned down his music. "You fucking scared the daylights out of me."

"Sorry." I said. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm packing." He stated, as he closed his suitcase. "I'm leaving Phoenix."

"John!" I frowned. "Why?!"

"Because, Kay, I can't take this fucking bullshit anymore." He said, as he set his suitcase on the floor, and picked up a duffel bag. "I just want to get out of here. My parents want me to be fucking miserable, and your dad will probably skin me alive if he sees me around you again."

"What about me?" I asked sadly.

"Are you coming with?" He questioned, as he looked over at me.

"If I don't go, are you leaving without me?"

He sighed and sat down on his bed. "I can't."

"Why not?" I said, as I sat down next to him.

He sighed again and fidgeted with his necklace, that had a peace sign on it; his favorite necklace that I bought him three years ago. "I can't leave you."

"That doesn't answer my question." I said.

"This is hard to say, Kay." He said, not looking at me. "Really hard."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you're my best friend." He said, his voice taking on a serious tone. "And I can't just lose you over something stupid like this...Like what I'm about to say."

"What are you about to say?" I wondered, as I looked over at him.

"This is just...crazy." He whispered, as he looked at his wall, that we were both facing. "Really crazy."

I didn't say anything, and I waited for John to say something. He was messing with his hair and fidgeting with his necklace, and it was obvious that something was bothering him. He was nervous and he seemed a little scared. I've never seen him act like this; not even around a girl that he liked. He just...wasn't like this. We were silent for a few more minutes, before he took a deep breath and looked at me.

"I-I." He stuttered, before letting out a sigh. "I like you, Kalen. Mo-more than a best friend. I really do."

I felt my face heat up, as I felt my jaw drop, and I looked down at the floor. I didn't say anything; I didn't know what to say.

"I just...you're my best friend and...I just got these random feelings." John continued. " And about the whole Kevin thing, I was pissed. Not just because you're my best friend and I don't like when someone does that to you...because I like you and it just, really got to me. I don't want to make you stop talking to me because I like you. It's just...weird and I can't just leave here not telling you how I feel. I want you to go with me. Fuck, scratch that. I don't want you to go with me. I need you to go with me to Tempe, Kay."

"I'm not going to stop talking to you, John." I said, my eyes glued to the floor.

"You're not?" He asked.

"No." I shrugged. "Because what you did when I told you about Kevin, it really made me realize how much you mean to me, and at the car wash...I really admire you for that. Everything we've been through showed me just...how strong we are as best friends, and when you were asking me about what I was thinking about yesterday, it was about you...and how I feel about you."

I finally got my gaze off the floor, and I looked at John, to see his face turning red, and he smiled slightly. "You really mean that? You aren't saying that to, ya know, not make me feel like a total dumbass?"

I shook my head and smiled. "No."

John's smile got wider and he laughed to himself, as he ran his hands down his jeans, as if to dry off his sweaty palms. He looked at me and wrapped his arms around my waist, embracing me in a hug. I wrapped my arms around his small torso and hugged him back, before resting my head on his shoulder. We sat like that for a few minutes, as I absorbed the feeling of butterflies invading my gut...something I haven't felt in a long time. And now I realized why I haven't felt it in so long.

Those guys I've dated in the past didn't make me happy...because they weren't John.

After John and I pulled away from our hug, he pressed his lips against my forehead, before wrapping his arms around me again. I wrapped my arms around him again, but tighter this time, and I couldn't stop my smile from widening across my rosy face.

"I want you to come with me." John whispered. "Please, Kay."

"John." I sighed softly. "What about school?"

"I don't know." He replied. "I don't know about anything right now. If you don't want to go because of school, then I probably just won't go."

"When are you leaving?" I asked.

"I was going to leave today." He said, his arms still wrapped around me. "But I want you to come with me."

"I can't just make that decision right now." I said quietly.

"What about by Friday?" He entreated. "Will you know why then?"

"Yeah." I said, nodding into his shoulder. "I will."

"Then I guess we'll wait until then." He said, as we pulled away from each other again.

I nodded and smiled slightly, as John linked his pinky with mine. "Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise, John." I smiled.