Olive and an Arrow

I watched as John just stared at me.

His eyes bore into mine with such confusion that I was at a loss for words. How do I tell him that my old boyfriend was harassing me and I couldn’t stand up for myself? That would make me seem like I was totally dependant on other people. Which I wasn’t, I just haven’t quite figured out how to deal with Jack, not yet at least.

“Is it Jack?” His voice startled me and my eyes widened at his question.

I shifted awkwardly on the couch and clasped my hands together.“Jack?”

Did John already know?

“I know, Aria.” He sighed and rubbed his face stressfully with his hands.

My heart beat rapidly in my chest and I swallowed urge to cry. I averted my eyes from his and sighed. “Who told you?”

“No one had to tell me, I can see right through you, Aria. You are like an open book to me.”

“Look I know what you must be thinking...” I started to explain but he cut me off by holding up his hand to silence me.

“I know im not good enough for you, Aria. I’m never going to be like Jack and I’m not going to be able to give you everything that he gave you.” His voice had a harshness to it and I just stared at him.
“Wait, what?”

“I am never going to meet the standards that Jack set, I know im not. So I’m just not going to bother even trying with you. It’s just going to end up with one of us getting hurt and I’m leaning towards that person being me.”

I stood up from my place on the couch and took a step closer to John who was seated on the coffee table directly in front of me. He had his elbows rested on his knees as if that was the only support he had.

“Being like Jack is not a good thing, John.” My voice wavered as his eyes lifted to meet mine. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and crossed my arms self consciously over my middle.

“What are you talking about?” He was completely clueless. He ran his fingers through his hair messing it up even more than it already was before.

“Do you know the reason why Jack and I broke up?” It felt as thought I was reliving each moment in my head. Every detail of that night played in my head so vividly it felt as if I was there. Him standing in the doorway to my room, just staring at me like I was a stranger.

“No, and I’m not sure I really want to know.” Jack’s voice brought me out of my thoughts and I groaned inwardly at what I was about to do.

“Well, obviously you need to know because you have gotten this whole situation all wrong.”

John just stared at me, waiting for me to explain. The problem was, I hadn’t told anybody about what happened between Jack and I. Well, other than Alex but he was my best friend so of course I would tell him, I told him everything.

“Jack asked me to marry him, and I said yes considering I was madly in love with him and I had been for quite some time. Everything was great for the first couple months, their band was really hitting it off, they had just gotten signed to a major record company and were playing at different music venues around the country.”

John blinked as if he had already known this piece of information and I went on.
“Well, Jack and I had been planning the wedding when they were back in town and on breaks. I guess the record company had planned for them to go on tour sometime soon and I wasn’t to happy with that. I supported All Time Low in everything that they did and I attended as many concerts as I possibly could but having Jack gone for six months just wasn’t apart of the plan.”

“So I voiced my opinion and of course Jack and the band went on tour anyway. I eventually got over it and Jack called me everyday and all was going well at the time. But then the phone calls started dwindling down from everyday to twice a week then to once maybe two weeks, then to none at all what so ever.”

“Come to find out, Jack had met this girl in New York and one drink led to the next and then they ended up in bed together, more than one time.”

John’s face softened and he scooted to the edge of the table. “You really don’t have to..”

“Alex called me once he found out and I didn’t believe it at first. I mean I was completely blinded by love, or what I thought was love. Jack had cheated on me and I was left to wonder what the heck was going on. I spent restless nights talking to Alex on the phone fishing for information that he couldn’t supply me with. I just came to a place in my life where I stopped eating, I totally blocked out the outside world and I didn’t care.”

It was as if everything that I had kept bottled up inside was pouring out of me, I couldn’t seem to stop myself until everything was out in the open. The look in John’s eyes made me want to tell him everything, he made me feel like I could trust him.

“Then it was time for them to come home, Jack didn’t call or come see me for two weeks after they had been back. Alex told me that he needed time to think things through, he needed time to clear his head. Two more weeks then he arrived at my doorstep and I let him have it. I cried and yelled and I couldn’t seem to control myself. He just stood there and stared at me like he didn’t even know who I was. That was the end of it, he had cheated on me and left me feeling worthless.”

John stood up from the coffee table and pulled me into his arms and I sobbed. Tears leaked down my cheeks and onto his cotton t-shirt. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head gently as if I would shatter.

“I had no idea, Aria.” His voice almost sounded defeated, like I had taken something out of him that was vital for his life.

“H-how could you know? It’s not like I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

John sat us both down on the couch and took my hands in his. “Look, I know that what Jack did to you will make it seem like every guy is not worthy of your trust. But you have to remember that there are decent guys out there who know that you deserve much more than what you have received in the past.”

Our eyes met and my whole body seemed to have become numb. His eyes were so breathtaking, it was almost like they brought you in and you could see right into his soul. He was kind, compassionate, caring, artistic.

I blinked a couple times and brought myself out of my trance. I couldn’t think of him this way, I’m just not ready for a relationship.

“Well, now you know.” I stood up from my place on the couch and shoved my hands into my pockets. I glanced over at the clock and sighed.
“You know, I promised Alex I would go to their band practice tonight so...” I looked over at John who was still seated on the couch awkwardly in the same position as when he sat us down previously.

“Right, yeah of course.” John stood up and walked me to the door.

The door opened and the cold air from outside hit my face sending shivers up and down my spine. I turned to John and smiled. “Thank you, for everything.”

He shrugged and shook his head with a small smile plastered on his face. “My door is always open to you, Aria.”
I nodded slowly and took a step back out of his apartment. “Right, I’ll talk to you later John.”

_________

This is honestly the last place that I would want to be on a Friday afternoon but I couldn’t stay at John’s place much longer than I already had. He had this way of making me want to open up to him and tell him my whole life story and I just couldn’t do that. I felt like I had already crossed the line of friendship by pouring my heart out to him about mine and Jacks break up.

I pulled up to a house just a few blocks down from John’s apartment and sighed back into my seat. My hands were gripped tightly on the steering wheel and I debated on whether I should go in or not. My knuckles were turning white and I let go of the wheel and let my hands fall into my lap in a frustrated manner.

I closed my eyes and breathed a long heavy sigh. There was a knock on my window and I jumped clear out of my seat. My heart was racing a hundred miles per hour and I rolled my eyes when I saw it was just Rian.

I rolled down my window and sighed. “What are you doing?”

Rian glanced down at me and smirked. “I was just about to ask you the same thing.”
I noticed a thick brown paper bag in his right hand and I narrowed my eyes. “They sent you out on a booze run?”

Rian glanced down at the paper sack and laughed out loud. “No, actually its Arizona Tea. They just ran out of plastic bags and I thought the boys would get a kick out of this.” He waved the sack around in the air and I nodded slowly.

“Right, so is Alex here yet?” I studied the cars in the driveway and noticed Alex’s was the only one that was missing from the group.

Rian followed my eyes and the paper bag crinkled in his hand as he shifted from one foot to the other. “Yeah, he is inside. He caught a ride with Jack because his car broke down a few streets back. They had to tow his car to your house because it was closer than his.”

I raised my eyebrows and unbuckled my seat belt quickly. In one swift movement I was out of the car and by Rians side. “My house?”

He nodded cautiously and glanced nervously at the house. “Yeah, it would of costed him a butt load and a half if they had towed it to his house across town. He said he didn’t think you would of minded.”

I shrugged and followed Rian across the lawn and into the house. The sound of someone tuning an electric guitar found its way to my ears once Rian opened the front door. I cringed at its volume and stepped into the house.

Rian rented this house from his parents when he graduated from highschool and has lived here ever since. Alex has helped him a lot by keeping the house clean and the lawn looking decent. I had painted the walls a dim color of beige a couple months back and it was chipping ever so slightly from the damage All Time Low causes with their out of control parties.

Once I stepped into the living room I was swept off of my feet into a tight bear hug from Alex. “I’m so glad you decided to show up, Red!”

I pushed him off of me and glared up at him. “When were you going to tell me that your car was towed to my apartment?”

Alex’s smile faded and a worried expression replaced it. “I was going to call you but I knew you were with John so I didn’t want to bother you.”

Jack chuckled from the couch and I sucked in a sharp breath. Alex glanced back at him and rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Jack?”

Jack shrugged and held up his hands in defeat. “Alright, I’m sorry.”

Alex’s focus was back on me and he placed his hands on my shoulders lazily. “I was hoping that I could stay with you tonight too, if that’s alright. I can’t get my car to the shop until tomorrow afternoon and I really don’t want to stay here in this crazy place all night long.”

I sighed up at Alex’s pleading face and I cracked a smile. “Alright, you can stay tonight.”

Alex held his hands up in victory and danced his way to the couch where Jack was previously residing. He picked up a guitar and began strumming random chords.

“Oh Aria, you are so wonderful. You give me places to sleep and food to put into my belly. Oh Aria, yeah.” Alex sang a bit off tune.

Rian glanced over at him with a disgusted grimace on his face and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Please, go do your voice warm ups or something. You sound like you’ve been shot in the jugular.”

Jack cringed at that statement and shuttered. “Please do not speak of being shot, especially in the jugular area.”

Alex passed the guitar to Jack who gladly took it and began to play the first few chords of Stella. I followed Alex into the kitchen and he pulled out a Arizona raspberry tea from the brown paper bag Rian had brought in.

“Do you want something?”
I shook my head and watched as he popped open the can and took a long swig of the tea. After a few seconds of just standing there listening to Jack and Rian play Stella, Alex set his tea on the counter and took a step closer to me.

“ How did things go with John?” His hushed tone was only audible to me and he looked into my eyes as if he were searching for something. Maybe an explanation?

At that thought, I remembered John’s face and the way he was pleading me with his eyes for some answers. Anything to put his anxiety at ease so he could sleep at night.

“We talked and everything is alright.” I cleared my throat and turned on my heal heading for the livingroom. The boys glanced up at me as I sat down on the sofa next to Jack and he gave me a weird look.

I sighed and leaned back into the couch as they continued to play different melodies for possible new songs. Alex came into the room not so long after I had sat down and picked up a note book on the coffee table. With a strange glace at me he leafed through the pages and sighed heavily.

“So I was thinking that maybe we could change the chorus to...” Alex’s voice faded as my thoughts took over.

Was I ever going to be able to be with John without feeling guilty?
Can I ever live life without feeling like I’m obligated to prove to Jack I am worth it?
Will I ever stop over analyzing situations?

Well, I already knew the answer to that one.

No.

And I’m afraid that’s the answer to all the above.