Honeymoon in Bikini Bottom

David and I hadn’t had a bite to eat since before we got on the plane that day, so by the time Sandy got back from karate with her friend, we were absolutely starving. As soon as she came through the door, David ran up to her to ask what was good to eat around Bikini Bottom, seeing as she only had acorns to eat in the fridge.

“Well,” she said, scratching behind her ear as she thought. “The Krusty Krab is a big hoot around here. They just came out with a Krusty Krab pizza. You could give them a call and have them deliver that if you’d like.”

David and I exchanged a nod of approval with each other. We didn’t really care what we ate, as long as it was edible and human food rather than squirrel food. I picked up the phone and dialed the number for the Krusty Krab. Just after two rings someone picked up the phone. However, no one gave any sort of greeting. It was just quiet on the other end.

“Is this the Krusty Krab?” I asked, hoping there was really someone on the other end of the line.

“No, this is Patrick,” the voice at the other end said and then hung up.

I looked at David with a confused look, but he only shrugged. I decided to try to call again. This time someone said hello at the other end.

“Is this the Krusty Krab?” I asked again.

“No, this is Patrick!” It was the same person from before, but this time he yelled.

I slammed the receiver down in frustration and let out a huff of air. Sandy, not knowing what was going on, called for us this time. Apparently, she got the same lad because she slammed the receiver down too, rolling her eyes in the process.

“Oh, they have that dope, Patrick, working the busy shift today. I don’t know why they do that. Y’all are gonna have to walk down there yourselves if you want to be served something anytime soon.”



“This looks more like a lobster trap than a restaurant to me,” I mentioned to David as we walked through the front doors of the Krusty Krab.

“Maybe that’s the point of it?” he shrugged.

We walked side by side to the cash register which had a pink starfish standing behind it. I had always been fascinated by starfish, but this particular one was a lot meatier than any of the ones I had seen pictures of. Perhaps working at this fast food joint wasn’t working out for him. As we were about to order our food, a squid walked up from behind us and pushed the starfish out of his place.

“I’ll take over now, you idiot,” the squid grumbled to the starfish.

“Okey dokey, Squidward!” the starfish gave Squidward a cheeky grin and saluted him before happily walking out of the restaurant.

“Welcome to the Krusty Krab. May I take your order?” Squidward droned in a nazily voice.

I looked up at the menu displeased by how pricy all of the options were, especially since it was a fast food place. “Eight dollars for a burger?” I questioned, knitting my eyebrows together to show my exasperation.

“That’s right, ma’am.”

“That’s outrageous!”

Squidward sighed. “Would you like some cheese with that whine?” he snorted.

Before I could scold the squid for his unnecessary rude behavior, a crap came bursting out of a door to the right. He ran straight for Squidward, not wasting anytime. “Mr. Squidward,” he said in a deep, demeaning tone. “You’re scarin’ away me money!”

“They were complaining about the price of the food, Mr. Krabs,” Squidward defended himself.

Ignoring his statement of defense, Mr. Krabs turned his attention toward David and me and gave us an apology. “I’m sorry about that. I’ll me best fry cook serve your food to you once it’s ready. You can just wait at a table.”

Without arguing any further, David and I ordered our food and took a seat by the window.

A few minutes later, a yellow sponge danced out of the kitchen door with a tray holding two Krabby Patties. “Two Krabby Patties for the lovely couple at table six!” he sang in a high voice, imitating opera.

I laughed, amused at the show he put on for us, but David had a bored look on his face. He blinked and gave the sponge a thanks. Then, he turned his undivided attention toward his food and began scarfing down, ignoring the yellow sponge. He set my burger down in front of me and it was my turn to give him thanks. He bowed and backed up to the kitchen door.

“You’re welcome!” he sang in the same high pitched voice before going back into the kitchen.

I giggled at the show he put on for us. He was an incredibly goofy creature, but he was amusing and made me laugh. I took a few bites from my Krabby Patty, still thinking about the sponge and his theatrical performance. I giggled again between bites.

“Really?” David said.

“What?”



David didn’t say a word to me through the rest of dinner or even on the way back to Sandy’s tree dome. I wanted to stop the silence, but I wasn’t sure what to say to him. He seemed pretty upset and I didn’t want to put more fuel on the fire. I decided I’d let him ride out his anger, but how long was it going to last?

“You want to watch some tv?” I asked him, but he ignored me and headed straight to bed. “You’re really just going to ignore me? We’re going to start our marriage off like this?”

He turned around, clearly annoyed. “It was your choice.”

“How?”

“You were flirting with the damned fry cook!” he yelled across the lawn.

“Because I thought his performance was a little funny?” I defended myself.

He threw his hand up as he turned around. He didn’t say anything else as he continued making his way to bed. I sighed, not sure what to do. Without dwelling on the dumb fight David and I were having, I turned on some local television and kicked back before I went to bed.

I didn’t want to think about how this argument might end.