Dezanove Estrelas

Waiting. One hour turned to two. Two turned to four. Cristiano had been waiting for four hours in the hospital, for a word from doctors. He sat in a small, very uncomfortable chair beside Camilla’s hospital bed. Her lifeline beeped at a regular pace, but drove Cristiano insane.

She wasn’t supposed to be here. Not only that, but their baby was not supposed to be in a hospital for another three weeks, when he or she was due. Cris reached over and held Camilla’s left hand in his.

Never in his life had he been so scared.

When he saw Camilla fall to the floor. To watch her eyes roll to the back of her head. Seeing her being wheeled off on a stretcher, taken to the Emergency Room, being tested; it was a scenario he wished he had never witnessed; not to Camilla.

He kissed her knuckles and inhaled deeply. Since Camilla took him back, they had been taking baby steps in rebuilding their relationship. He moved back in. She allowed him to go with her to doctor’s appointments. Cris smiled at the thought of her appointments. Never before in his life had he been prouder. Sonogram test after sonogram test, he got to watch his baby grow. It was still unknown whether or not they were having a boy or girl yet. Both had agreed to be surprised.

But there was one thing Cris was still working on with Camilla. When he moved back in months ago, things were obviously not going to be “rainbows and smiles”. It wasn’t going to be an immediate bite from the love bug. Even when Cris was eager to tell the world that he was, and is still in love with Camilla Rey-Verano - she still had yet to say those three words to him again. Once she allowed him back into her life he said I love you every second he could. But it‘s taken Camilla some time to return the phrase…

-X-

He hauled the last couple of suitcases inside. Camilla leaned against the wall, just watching Cristiano. He sighed, kicking the door shut, then smiled at Camilla. “Eso es el último de ello.” (“That’s the last of it.”)

Camilla smiled back and nodded, not really knowing how to respond. She couldn’t just blurt out that she felt slightly uncomfortable. When she agreed with instinct to take Cris back, she really didn’t plan all the way through. Cristiano though, saw the expression on her face and clicked his tongue. He shoved his hands in his jean pockets, making his way to her slowly.

“Oye,” he rubbed her arm soothingly, “Si tiene dudas acerca de mí estando aquí, puedo salir.” (“if you’re having second thoughts about me being here, I can leave.”)

“No, no,” Camilla shook her head in response, “es bueno Cristaino.”

“¿Seguro?” he raised an eyebrow. She nodded, giving him a small smile. He smiled back down at her. The two seemed to just stay there, gazing at each other, though for very different reasons.

Camilla was just trying to figure out if what she was doing was the right thing. But the longer she bore into those brown orbs, to see the sincerity and hope…she knew that this was right. And if it weren’t, well at least she tried.

Cristiano on the other hand, was just thrilled to be in her presence again. He knew things weren’t going to be exactly the same as they were before. Hopefully they’d be better. Deciding to take a chance, Cris closed the gap between their face and pressed his lips to Camilla’s. The kiss was slow, soft and innocent. He didn’t want to come on too strong, even though the passion inside of him was just craving to escape. He didn’t want to push it with Camilla - it was already a miracle that she was giving him a second chance.

They slowly pulled away, but not without another quick peck from Cristiano. He couldn’t help it, his fervor was just begging to escape. “Te amo,” he whispered to her. Her eyes remained closed as he rested his forehead on hers.

“Cristiano…” she sighed. Her hands that had rested on his narrow hips during their kiss, had disappeared to rubbing her bump soothingly.

He shook his head, “Usted no tiene que decirlo. Yo sólo quiero que sepa. Y cuando o si usted jamás puede volver el sentimiento otra vez, usted lo puede decir. En este momento Camilla, yo soy sólo feliz de regresar en su vida.” (“you don’t have to say it. I just want you to know. And when or if you ever can return the feeling again, you can say it. Right now Camilla, I’m just happy to be back in your life.”)

Camilla opened her eyes and pecked him one more time before walking away. He watched her turn the corner and disappear into the kitchen. He’d wait as long as it took to hear her say those words again.

-X-

Cristiano did the only thing he could in the moment: he rested his forehead on his forearm as his hand still gripped hers, and cried.

Months.

He had been back with Camilla for months, and she still could not say I love you to him. It made him realize, just how bad he screwed up with her. A nearly five year relationship, of love and passion, and perfection, with a beautiful fiancé, ruined because he couldn’t man up to his own actions. He left her, to fend for herself in the early stages of pregnancy. Not a day has gone by that he doesn’t kick himself in the ass. He had a great life going for him, and he ruined it. Now he’s working to regain that same trust and love Camilla had for him before the break - and he won’t give up until it’s back.

Cris lifted his gaze to Camilla’s sleeping form. All he wanted was for her to open those beautiful eyes and take her home. His eyes then traveled back to her left hand. His thumb grazed her fingers, ending on her ring finger. He knew that she had taken her engagement ring off; it was understandable.

“Camilla,” he spoke softly, stroking her hand, “O querido agrada, se você pode ouvir me…abre os seus olhos. Sorriso. Mova um dedo. Mudança. Dê-me um sinal que você é ainda aqui. Eu quero dizer, nosso bebê quase aqui…e nós não podemos encontrá-lo nem a, a menos que você acorde-se.” (“please, if you can hear me…open your eyes. Smile. Move a finger. Shift. Give me a sign that you’re still here. I mean, our baby’s almost here…and we can’t meet him or her, unless you wake up.”) When she didn’t move, Cristiano began to shake, “Por favor, Camilla.” Still no movement.

Cristiano dropped his head. He didn’t know what to do. Doctors weren’t helping. All he could do was wait till she wakes.

Then he felt something.

He lifted his head, maybe he was just gong crazy. Camilla hadn’t done anything. He glanced at their entwined hands, and ever so slowly, her fragile fingers gripped him a little tighter. His eyes wandered to Camilla’s face. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she let out a low groan.

“Camilla?”

“Urghflhsbdma…” she mumbled.

Cris chuckled, “¡Camilla! ¡Camilla! ¡Abra los ojos!” (“Camilla! Camilla! Open your eyes!”) he practically begged in Spanish, maybe if it was in her native tongue, she‘d hear him better. In a split second, he was now staring back into those brown eyes he loved so much. “Camilla!” he screamed, overjoyed with relief.

He leaned down to her and kissed her. With what strength she had, she slowly kissed back. She had no recollection of what happened. But she was more than happy to open her eyes to this.

“Cristiano?” she pulled away, “¿Qué sucedió?” (“what happened?”)

He shook his head, “Usted se desmayó. Los médicos dicen que fue de la ansiedad. Camilla, usted me tuvo tan espanté.” (“you passed out. Doctors say it was from anxiety. Camilla, you had me so scared.”)

“Perdón,” she apologized.

But Cris shook his head, “No. no necesidad para disculpas. Estoy sólo contento que está bien.” (“no. No need for apologies. I’m just glad you are okay.”) He kissed her again, quickly, before a doctor came into the room. He told the two that Camilla would need to be tested, for her safety as well as the babies. Nurses came with a wheelchair as Cristiano sat down on the bed. “Esperaré aquí mismo.” (“I’ll be waiting right here.”)

He watched Camilla be wheeled away, and sighed a giant breath of relief. The worst is over now, right?

-X-

If there were three things in this world Cristiano hated, it was one: defeat, because no one likes to be a loser. Two: harm against those he loved; his family, his girlfriend, his baby. And three: waiting. Same with hospitals. So, maybe four things.

He sat in Camilla’s hospital room for an hour and a half, added to the rest of the day he had been waiting for her to wake up. Now, he would have waited forever for Camilla to wake up, but now that she is awake…all he wants to do is see her. And doctors have taken her away.

As if God was listening though, the door to the hospital room opened and in cam Camilla, assisted by a nurse. Cris smiled, but Camilla did not return it. A doctor came in right behind the two. Cristiano stood off the bed and allowed the Nurse to help Camilla up on it.

He could just feel the tension in the room and decided to take a leap. So he asked, “¿Entonces cómo iría todo?” (“so how’d everything go?”)

Camilla looked away, she almost seemed, embarrassed. The doctor on the other side of the bed spoke up, “Las buenas noticias, Camilla hace sólo fino. El énfasis y la ansiedad tomaron sólo un poco de un peaje en ella, como cualquier persona en el planeta, todos nosotros tratamos con alguna sobrecarga aquí y allá. Todo necesitó fue de dormirlo lejos. Es fina ahora.” (“the good news, Camilla is doing just fine. Stress and anxiety just took a bit of a toll on her, like any person on the planet, we all deal with some overload here and there. All she needed was to sleep it off. She is fine now.”)

Cristiano grabbed her hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “¿Y las malas noticias?” (“and the bad news?”) No doctor starts with “the good news” unless they have bad news to follow.

“El bebé, no fue tan afortunado recuperarse completamente.” (“The baby, was not so lucky to make a full recovery.”)

Cristiano’s first instinct was we lost the baby. But the doctor interjected before chaos could erupt.

“El bebé, a causa del énfasis pone a la madre, para lo que razona, dilata rápidamente. Circula, patea duramente, que es la causa para el dolor en el útero de Camilla. Tira en el cordón umbilical, y si nosotros no actuamos rápidamente, este bebé podría estrangularse. Teniendo como resultado…” (“The baby, because of the stress put on the mother, for whatever reason, is dilating quickly. It’s moving around, it’s kicking hard, which is the cause for the pain in Camilla’s uterus. It’s tugging on the umbilical cord, and if we don’t act fast, this baby could strangle itself. Resulting in…”) he did not finish. Both Cristiano and Camilla already knew what would happen. Camilla began crying, and Cristiano held her.

“¿Entonces qué que significa?” (“So what does that mean?”) Cris tried not to show anger, or sadness, for sake of his girlfriend.

The doctor gave him a straightforward answer, “debemos entregar ahora.” (“we must deliver now.”)