Forest Green

So yeah, I over reacted, but then again, I haven’t been doing anything normal lately. Or ever.

And so here we are presently. I’m sitting on the dirty ground with dead pine needles, while trying to cover my head with my hands to protect myself against ticks. Sure my method won’t really work but I needed some peace-of-mind.

There was so much brown and green around me. It was disorienting, really. It’s as if I could see his eyes everywhere. I couldn’t get away from him could I? I was still facing him in one way or another, whether it is mentally or in actuality.

I guess that’s the life lesson here. I can’t run away from him, no matter how hard I try. That little stuffed bear is going to make me face him again and I don’t think there’s a damn thing I can do about that.

The funny thing is that his eyes aren’t even my favorite part of him. His hips are. The way they curve themselves just right, and how they taunt you when he walks. I’m sure he could turn any straight man with just his hips.

So I got up and stared at the sky. I do have my reasons this time for my strange behavior. I was trying to figure out which way was west by the position of the sun. Too bad there were so many trees because it took me a while to figure out where it was. The sun was in front of me and to the left. I wasted a lot of time just thinking over this whole mess that the sun wasn’t in the middle of the sky like it had been before. I think too much.

I drew a little compass in the dirt to help me mentally imagine the direction I needed to go. The woods were east of my house, I knew that much. So if I traveled in the general direction of the sun I’d eventually find myself out of this horrible mess of saplings and spruces.

So I was set on my destination, slow and steady. I didn’t want to trip over branches or rocks and die out here and have the squirrels take my clothes and the mountain lions eat my flesh; even though we don’t have mountain lions in our area, I still wouldn’t want that.

My slow pace gave me even more time to think. I wish my mind would go numb but it won’t. I keep thinking about how cliché everything is all of a sudden and how stereotypical. Looking back on it if I had realized as soon as I met Seth that my life was going to be this predictable then maybe I could’ve changed something for the better or maybe even for the worse.

Because this really is your average teenage romance. Except with two boys, but that’s just a minor detail really. Awkward boy meets dream boy, one falls for the other and trouble ensues. Then awkward boy does something stupid and ruins things. Here’s where there’s a fork in the road, dream boy could either like awkward boy as a friend and nothing more and then awkward boy will be heartbroken and have to find some way to cope, very cliché. Or dream boy could reciprocate awkward boy’s feelings and they could have happy lives, also very cliché. I don’t really see another option.

Of course I’m not sure which path I want this to take either. I really like Seth-no, I’m practically obsessed with the poor kid but I don’t know how I’d do in a relationship such as ours would be. Meaning a homosexual one. It was weird enough dating girls I half cared about but dating a boy who I think is amazing would still be…different for me. Showing PDA could get uncomfortable and it might make things strained but I would never want to keep a relationship with Seth a secret. I wouldn’t want anyone else even thinking of hitting on him. Seth is turning me into a jealous man.

Things are just… to damn corny! Why can’t one of us be some sort of secret ninja, that would make things different! But we aren’t and I’m still stuck in the same situation. The situation where I forced myself upon his semi-conscious lips and ran away. The kiss itself was almost anti-climactic. It was over so fast and I have to admit that I didn’t feel any sort of spark on my lips but I did feel my stomach churn and my heart race and my thoughts started to get cloudy and it wasn’t from being scared out of my mind.

I couldn’t think after that because I soon saw the end of the trees and I started (clumsily) sprinting towards the edge where I finally escaped the torture. I was about five houses down from my own so I stayed along the tree wall to keep off of anyone else’s property.

So it was decided. I would talk to him. I’d probably call him later today because I don’t think I could see him. I would also leave the decision of what to do about my irrational actions up to him as well. I already took the initiative, however unplanned it may have been, and I like things when they’re planned.

Suddenly I was staring right at my closed back door, maybe I did shut it. So. Much. Thinking.

I stepped through the threshold and slipped off my Nikes and headed for the stairs so I can wallow in my decision of what to say to him. I rounded the corner of the family room and was about the make a run for the stairs when something caught my attention.

Seth. He sure just likes to show up places doesn’t he.

I thought I was going to have more time. I thought I was going to be prepared. Right now I was neither so I bolted. “No!” Seth shouted after me, grabbing my arm in an attempt to stop me from evading him once more. I kept going though, dragging Seth along for the ride until I got to the stairs.

“Seth, please just let me go and leave,” I whined. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. I looked at him fully for the first time today and I saw that he wasn’t about to let me go but then he seemed to formulate another idea. He looked determined all of a sudden.

“Fine,” he said curtly and with that he pressed his lips to mine for half a second and walked out the door, just as I had asked.