Lock and Key.

1/1.

You are pretty. You are sunshine and glow and cheeky grin that makes the heart swell like Sunday sunsets. You are thoughtful gestures and clumsy footsteps and dark eyes that speak soul rather than words. You are perfect, and I can hardly stand it.

Things were supposed to be different this time.

(crystal glass eyes that shatter with a pop-bang! inside the skull and there is screaming screaming so much screaming and I want tear out the wings of angels and shove feathers down their throat because goddamnit, someone stop the fucking screaming!)

Things were supposed to be better, because I’m better. I can smile and mean it because it’s all padlock-and-chain-safe! locked away behind pearly whites because everything is good and perfect now. There are no lies here; I killed the monster and now there’s nothing here but sunshine and glow because you are perfect and you are mine.

But that is a lie. Everything is lies.

It’s doesn’t take long – a few months maybe, months that feel like eternity and forever because I could drown in that smile – before I can feel it, the cracking, the breaking inside, the stutter-stutter of my heart that sounds like gunfire and I –

(bleeding red rivers down across pallid skin and it’s beautiful like snow-ink-angels that smile like demons and it’s getting stronger stronger and oh god I – )

– can’t control it.

I want to stop. I want you to make it stop.

You did, in the beginning. Soft onyx eyes and easy going smiles were enough to quench it, to put out the fire, to keep it under lock and key and keep my heart beating. Because I love you and you love me and so everything was perfect like your smile.

But not now. Now I can hear the cage rattling inside my soul because there is no padlock big enough, because it’s sick (I’m sick) and it just won’t stop, won’t die, and I love you but your smile is too bright and your eyes are too clear and it makes me –

(want to rip apart skin and eyes and feathers right down to the very core because everyone is just as sick dark wrong on the inside)

– feel things I can’t explain. I’m trying to stop it, I am, I swear to god. I’m trying to push it down and quell this need because this monster isn’t me, it isn’t I promise; you’re too good and I have you so I can’t be this hatred-anger-violence! because then I wouldn’t have you. But it’s still there and it’s trying to consume me but I won’t let it because I need want love you and I –

(I’m sorry sorry baby oh god I’m so sorry I don’t mean it I don’t I love want need you I can’t help it I don’t want to hurt you I don’t I don’t I don’t I – )

I want to destroy you.