I'll Fix You Because You Fixed Me Too

“Charlie, we need to talk,” Gerard said walking into the room.

“Not now Gerard, I have to get ready,” I sighed

“Ready for what?” he questioned

“It’s Tuesday, me and Frank are going out today, like we do every Tuesday, we’ll talk later,” I replied

We go to see my therapist today, normally I make an early appointment so Gerard will be busy and wont notice, sometimes he does, but mostly he’s got something to do and doesn’t really know I’ve gone, but today I had to have a late appointment, hence Gerard seeing me.

“You And Frank always go out on Tuesdays! Can’t you miss it just one fucking time? We really need to talk!” Gerard snapped

“And we really need to go out!” I snapped back

“Fine! I’ll just come with you then! I’m sure we’ll be able to talk that way!” he fumed

“NO! Gerard, you can’t!” I rushed to persuade him.

He can’t find out, not yet, I’m not ready to tell him yet!

“Why? Huh Charlie why can’t I come? What exactly is so important that you and Frank have to disappear on your own every fucking week?!” Gerard raged

“We talk! Ok Gerard, we talk! We help each other out with our problems, like at the moment, him trying to deal with the break up of his future marriage and me being ill! And today I’ll probably tell him about us fighting all the time!” I told him.

I’m not lying, Frank and I do talk about that kinda stuff, but it’s on the way to the clinic or if we decided to stop for coffee on the way home.

“So you have time to talk to him but not to me? Come on Charlie, you two can talk about that stuff here later on, just pick a room and we’ll all stay quite and out of you’re way, please babe, we really need to get us sorted out, we can’t keep fighting all the time,” he said softly, coming to sit beside me on the bed.

“I know Gerard, I know we do but,” I stopped and sighed.

I can’t tell him, I want to, god knows I want to, but it’s more complicated then that, I mean, before I was worried that he’d leave me, but now? Now I’m not only worried that he’ll leave me but that he’ll be hurt because I lied, and angry at me, and Frank because neither of us told him.

If he wants to leave me because I’m ill, I could probably learn to deal with that, but I couldn’t if he hated me so much he couldn’t stand to look at me, let alone talk to me.

“But what babe?” he asked wrapping his arms around my waist.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and just stayed silent.

“Come on, you can tell me,” he encouraged, placing a soft kiss on my forehead

I shook my head and got up.

“It doesn’t matter, I promise we’ll talk later, we’ll talk for as long as you want, but I have to go now, Franks waiting for me and-” he cut me off

“And you can’t keep Frank waiting,” he said sarcastically “You know, I have to wonder if you and Frank are just “talking”,” he said using his fingers to make quotation marks when he said “talking”.

I opened my mouth to retaliate but he shook his head muttering “save it” before walking out of the room.

I’ve gotten myself in to one tangled mess now, but….I can’t see any way out of it.