I'll Fix You Because You Fixed Me Too

And there it was, staring me straight in the face, the most unholy cross I have ever seen.

I sat staring at the three tests, all showing the same little blue plus sign, wondering how the hell I didn’t realise and what I was going to do next.

A soft knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Charlie! Come on, they must be done by now! Come out, I need to know!” Gerard’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

I’m not sure what exactly it was I could hear in his voice, excitement and anticipation for sure, but there was something underlying that I couldn’t quite figure out.

Oh well, guess it’s time to go face the music I suppose...

I walked out of the bathroom, expecting Gerard to be there practically peeing his pants waiting for my answer, but instead there was an empty hall way.

“Gerard? Where the hell are you?” I called out.

“In the bedroom, I thought I’d give you some space.” He shouted back.

I sighed and made my way to what was our bedroom and there he was, sat on the bed with the same expression I’d seen twice before now, he wanted to know, but he was scared.

“Well?” he asked, smiling at me.

I didn’t answer him; instead I just placed the three tests into his hand and walked out of the room.

I couldn't face his reaction, it would tear me apart. I know why he’s scared, and it isn’t for the same reason as the other two times we’ve done this, it’s not because he’s scared about becoming a dad again, or not becoming one and its not because he’s worried we’ll lose it like our first pregnancy.

It’s because he knows that he’ll have to come clean to Lyn-z about what happened, and he’ll have to make a decision.

Her or me.

“Charlie, I don’t get it....are we pregnant or not?” Gerard asked me, looking at the tests with a confused expression.

“Well, I’m pregnant Gerard, but I have no idea what your doing.” I answered bluntly.

“What do you mean?” he asked, confusion rippling across his face again.

“I mean that I’m having a baby, but I don’t know about you, are you in it with me? Or are you going to run back to Lyn-z and pretend its not happening?” I asked him, tension swelling in my stomach.

He looked at me blankly before shaking his head and walking off down the stairs.

I guess he’s made his decision then.

“It’s just you and me in this one.” I muttered, rubbing my belly while a tear cascaded down my cheek.