Can't Take the Kid From the Fight, Take the Fight From the Kid

My name is (George) Ryan Ross. I am a closet case. Can you guess which type? Am I gay, slightly insane, a cutter, a victim of abuse...? If you picked D: all of the above, then you are correct… well maybe not. Maybe not the first two, but definitely the last two; I have the scars to prove it. No pun intended. The slightly insane part well lets see….. My best friend, Brendon Boyd Urie, got hit by a car and died, so I thought, in the eighth grade. But know I’m a junior in high school and getting weird phone calls from someone who sounds strangely like my Brenny. Oh? Did I forget to mention that we had a thing? Hmm… I guess so. When he died (?) I had to go back to living with my dad, which meant more bruises, more meltdowns, and no more friends. I used to have two other friends, Spencer and Jon. After Brendon went away we drifted apart, so technically I am a friendless loser. I hear it from the kids at school and from my father; I take it out on myself, by cutting. I love the heady rush and sting that comes through the numb haze when I cut myself. It feels so real and it’s the only thing that keeps me going. The only thing is:
I will never forgive Brendon.
Why? Because he left me alone with that monster called life. Writing doesn’t have the joy that it used to. He shattered me. If he is alive, I’ll kill him, I’ll torture him I will make sure he is screaming in agony before I kill him. Holy crap?! Did I really just think that? Oh god I really am sick I’m insane. How could I even dare to think that about my Brenny, I-
“Ryan! Ryan!” Mr. Mezwitz is standing in my face. I take a shaky breath. I look around and everyone is staring at me. Mr. Mezwitz clears his throat, “Ahem, um, Spencer?” he looks up at Mr. M. “will you please take Mr. Ross to the nurse’s office?” what the hell?
“Why?” I ask. The teacher stares at me like I’m crazy, he opens his mouth.
“Because you were screaming ‘I’m insane! I’m insane!’ you idiot! James Parker sneers.
“James, enough!” Mr. Mezwitz pulls me out of my seat and hands me all of my books and papers. “Follow Mr. Smith to the nurse’s office, and wait there until she comes back from her lunch break.” I had another fucking meltdown, the second motherfucking time this week! And, at SCHOOL of all freakin’ places. I follow Spencer out into the hall.
“So, um, what exactly happened?” I ask nervously.
“Mr. M was ranting about idioms and hyperboles, when all of a sudden you started screaming and yelling, ‘I’m insane! Oh god! I’m insane!’ at the top of your lungs. It took Mr. Mezwitz at least ten minutes to calm you down,” he looks at me, “whats going on in your head Ry?” I stop; it has been nearly three years since someone called me that. My eyes start to well up with tears.
“I-I-I mi-iss him Sp-Spence.” His blue eyes soften.
“We all do Ryan. Everyone does. I do, Jon, and everyone else, we all loved him, and we still do.”
“N-not me.” I mumble.
“What! Why?!” Spencer says, clearly shocked. I look at him with a dull expression, and say,
“Because h-he left me al-lone with him.” I whisper venomously.
“Ry! That’s ridiculous! He died for Pete’s sake!” I narrow my eyes.
“Pete has nothing to do with this.”
“Ryan! You know what I mean! Brendon is dead Ryan. He didn’t know it would happen, he didn’t mean to leave you Ry; he didn’t know that he would die! He is dead!” Spencer yells.
“No! He isn’t!” I yell back, Spencer stops.
“What the fuck are you saying Ross?” he growls through clenched teeth. I hesitate.
“W-well… it’s just that every single night s-since four weeks after Brendon “died”. I’ve gotten a call from someone who sounds a h-h-hell of a lot l-like Brendon.” I pause, “he tells m-me that he l-l-loves me a-and that he is so-sorry for l-leaving me al-lone, but that h-he will come b-back to get me. Th-then I say to f-fuck off and then……. Then….” I might almost cry.
“Then?” Spencer says.
“He, h-he says, I –I l-love you…” I blink, hard, “… Ryro.” I whisper quietly, Spencer’s eyes widen, a lot.
“Oh god, Ryan. You might be right!” I snap my head up.
“What did you just say!?”
“Ryan! You might be right! They never found Bren’s body.” Oh. My. God. Spencer looks behind me.
“Oh, shit. Act all quiet and start walking to the nurse’s office.” I do as I'm told and keep my head down. I can't believe I'd never thought of Brendon’s missing body before. Perfect fucking explanation. But, if I say something they’ll think I'm more crazy than I already am. We finally get to the nurses office and Spencer knocks on the door. Mrs. Klimuck opens the door nods at Spencer and waves me in, and then closes the door. Mrs. K is the only adult in the whole entire world that I trust.
“Sweetheart,” she says taking my hand as if to comfort me, “th-that was the last straw.” Her voice cracks, “I'm sorry, I tried to stop them, him, but he wouldn’t listen. The principal, he, he called your father.” My heart stops. Those are the worst four words in my life, ever said to me except for, ‘I’m sorry Brendon's dead.’
“Ryan I’m really sor-” I hold up my hand and she stops. We just sit there in silence. Now what am I going to do with the last few minutes of my life?
Nothing.
Someone bangs on the door and I jump. Mrs. Klimuck opens the door and gasps, I look up. My dad and two guys in white uniforms are standing at the door.
“Boy! Get over here now!” I grab my things and walkover to him. I follow, keeping my head down the whole entire way. I don’t want to see that sick bastard. We stop at a white van the size and build of an ambulance.
No fucking way.
“See what you do? I'm spending my fucking money on you! Why? Because your slut bitch mother didn’t take you!” he spits. “I’m spending my beer money, on some fucking mental institute for my fag of a son!” what the hell did he just say? No! He is sending me to a mental institute. Oh. My. God. My ‘father’ turns and walks away. One of the guys in the white step forward.
“Please take off your jacket.” He looks like he just stepped out of high school. I do as he says and he and the other guy gasp, I laugh.
“What, you mean you’ve never seen this before?” I stretch my arm out more. “See, it says Bden plus Ryro. Isn’t it sweet I did this right after he died?” The look of shock on their faces is hilarious, I laugh a little more. “So what is it you need my arm for?” the first guy clears his throat.
“Uh… um, uh ya.” He opens the back of the van and pulls out a small needle.
“Hell to the fucking no! You are not sticking that thing in me!” I may cut myself, but I absolutely hate needles. The guy calmly puts the needle in my arm and I flinch. I start to feel slow and dizzy, the other guy pulls something cream colored out of the van. My brain is so m-muddled. I look at it closer, it’s a vest, n-no a straightjacket. I want to move and thrash but I can't. The straightjacket comes on and the second guy smiles.
“Good job. You're doing very, very well. You'll be better in no time.” He helps me get into the van and lie down on a small mattress thing.