Billie Joe's Third Son
Part ten
1989
I have carried this burden so long for you, and nothing but sorrow I feel..
I glanced at the clock. 3AM. I was restless. It was three days since he'd gone. Three days since she'd taken him away from me. Suddenly I felt someone looking at me. I didn't turn around to see, but made a move that said 'go away.' Instead of going away, the person came closer, and laid a hand on my shoulder. Mike.
"You miss him?"
At that point I couldn't help but cry. Three days, and I missed Billie like hell. I was so terrified, and confused. I didn't know if I'd ever see him again.
"You'll meet one day, you know." Mike spoke. I tried to reply, but it only made it worse.
"Yeah, well, one day doesn't sound too promising," I replied in a shaky voice.
"Better than never."
"I want him back. I want my son back. I raised him," I spoke. I heard how shaky and girly my voice sounded after crying, but I couldn't help it.
"You didn't raise him, Bill. He's not even one year old, and there's many to come."
"Do you think she'll bring him back?" I asked, instead of replying. Mike sighed, he didn't reply either. Do you?
*
I shut my eyes wide open. I must'd fallen asleep. I looked across the room. No Mike. I glanced at my watch. 12:39PM. Fuck. Mum'd already gone to work, and so had Bradas for Mike, he was in that boring house named school. I got up, and forced my feet to carry me. They felt heavy. Heavier than before.
"Shit Billie, you're acting like an eighty year old." I said to myself. I walked to the door, and turned around. All the pictures on the walls. The desk. Everywhere. Pictures of me and Billie. Or.. Just Billie. That's when I decided to put them in a box, and hide them in the darkest corner of the attick.
*
2003
"Michael, please help Antonia finding her bag. Glen, help me over here. Joey, go fetch a cab.." mum babbled,in the phone with Amanda ( Glen's sister ), and with us at the same time. I decided to do as she told me for once, and slowly started to walk away.
"...no, it can't be, hold on a second." I heard mum say. "Where do you think you're going?" she said, meaning me.
"You told me to go fetch a cab, remember?" I sarcasticly said.
"Yeah, yeah.. No Amanda, I didn't talk to you.." mum said, continuing her phone conversation. Everything was chaos. I'd never imagine Oakland being so hot. I luckily found the cab service quickly, but there was no one there, there and then. Just a couple with their two sons. I scanned them. The lady was very beautiful. She had long dreads hiding bits of her shoulders, and sunglasses hiding her eyes. She wore a read dress, which suited her brown haired AND eyed boys's red shirts. She had a golden ring on her left ringfinger. Married. And her husband.. And her husband.. Her husband suddenly looked at me. I could feel his eyes burning holes in mine. He was making eyecontact. He had dyed, blonde hair. He took off his sunglasses, as if he tried to figure something out. Shiny green eyes. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. His wife didn't notice, neither did his two sons. It was only me and him, something connecting us. In the background, I saw a car in the driveway. The driver stopped by the family's side.
"Madam," the driver said, nodding to his wife as he stepped out of the cab. She shook his hand. He smiled, and carried the three brown suitcases by her feet to the back of the car.
"Come on, Billie," she said. The man slowly broke eye contact with me, as I slowly walked towards them. Oh wait. She didn't mean me. She meant her husband. Her husband Billie. They all disappeared inside the cab, and suddenly they were all gone.
"Shit," I spoke loud to myself. What had just happened?
"Joey!" I heard mum's voice scream. "What took you so long?"
I pointed to the empty parking lot.
"No cabs," I said. I heard how short and shaky my voice sounded.
"Joey, honey," mum said, and brought her hand to my sweat forehead.
"Are you ill?"
"N.. No mum, I.." She quickly pulled her hand back.
"You're at it again, aren't you?" she said, interrupting me. Her voice was hard and rasp.
"At what?"
"There you are," Glen said with a huge grin. He walked towards us with several suitcases, most of them being mother's. Antonia licked her tounge white eating ice cream, and Michael looked dissatisfied.
"What's wrong with him?" mum asked, looking at Michael.
"Same that's wrong with him every day," I mumbled under my breath.
"Joey, this is supposed to be a nice family trip, can you try being nice?" mum said. I looked at her. I could she in her eyes she was upset.
"I can try.."
"Okey guys, let's fetch that cab," Glen said interrupting our conversation.
"Wow, you seem happy today Glen," I spoke.
"Of course. I'm here again. In California." He laughed.
"Oh, so you didn't trip over some knives recently, did you Glen?" He replied by giving me that "don't-say-no-more" look. He sat our suitcases down, and waved at the cab driver. I smiled to myself. Seeing Glen not being able to abuse me was something I liked.
*
The cab slowly drove up the road we lived in in Berkeley. I thought back to the cab station, eye contacting that young boy. He looked like someone I'd seen before..
"Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong!" the cab driver spoke. "We're here." Adie got up in the back seat to help out Joseph and Jakob.
"Come on, boys." she said with her calm voice. I looked at her in the reflection mirror. God I loved her so much.
"You comin' honey?" Adie spoke. I nodded in response, and turned to the cab driver to pay him.
*
Thinking was something I did in the veranda chair, so that's where I settled down, thinking of that boy outside the airport. He looked so familiar. I know I'd seen him before somewhere. I scanned him in my mind. Long, spiky, red hair. Green, shining eyes. Baggy, black pants. No such guy I'd hang out with. I just knew I'd seen him before, and I knew he felt the same way. I'd seen it in his eyes. His eyes which looked at me the same way I'd looked at him. I closed my eyes and concentrated on him. Deeply, I tried to focus on where I'd seen him before. My eyes snapped open as I heard something falling out of my pocket. I sighed, and bent down to pick it up. Below laid a photo of my first son.
I have carried this burden so long for you, and nothing but sorrow I feel..
I glanced at the clock. 3AM. I was restless. It was three days since he'd gone. Three days since she'd taken him away from me. Suddenly I felt someone looking at me. I didn't turn around to see, but made a move that said 'go away.' Instead of going away, the person came closer, and laid a hand on my shoulder. Mike.
"You miss him?"
At that point I couldn't help but cry. Three days, and I missed Billie like hell. I was so terrified, and confused. I didn't know if I'd ever see him again.
"You'll meet one day, you know." Mike spoke. I tried to reply, but it only made it worse.
"Yeah, well, one day doesn't sound too promising," I replied in a shaky voice.
"Better than never."
"I want him back. I want my son back. I raised him," I spoke. I heard how shaky and girly my voice sounded after crying, but I couldn't help it.
"You didn't raise him, Bill. He's not even one year old, and there's many to come."
"Do you think she'll bring him back?" I asked, instead of replying. Mike sighed, he didn't reply either. Do you?
*
I shut my eyes wide open. I must'd fallen asleep. I looked across the room. No Mike. I glanced at my watch. 12:39PM. Fuck. Mum'd already gone to work, and so had Bradas for Mike, he was in that boring house named school. I got up, and forced my feet to carry me. They felt heavy. Heavier than before.
"Shit Billie, you're acting like an eighty year old." I said to myself. I walked to the door, and turned around. All the pictures on the walls. The desk. Everywhere. Pictures of me and Billie. Or.. Just Billie. That's when I decided to put them in a box, and hide them in the darkest corner of the attick.
*
2003
"Michael, please help Antonia finding her bag. Glen, help me over here. Joey, go fetch a cab.." mum babbled,in the phone with Amanda ( Glen's sister ), and with us at the same time. I decided to do as she told me for once, and slowly started to walk away.
"...no, it can't be, hold on a second." I heard mum say. "Where do you think you're going?" she said, meaning me.
"You told me to go fetch a cab, remember?" I sarcasticly said.
"Yeah, yeah.. No Amanda, I didn't talk to you.." mum said, continuing her phone conversation. Everything was chaos. I'd never imagine Oakland being so hot. I luckily found the cab service quickly, but there was no one there, there and then. Just a couple with their two sons. I scanned them. The lady was very beautiful. She had long dreads hiding bits of her shoulders, and sunglasses hiding her eyes. She wore a read dress, which suited her brown haired AND eyed boys's red shirts. She had a golden ring on her left ringfinger. Married. And her husband.. And her husband.. Her husband suddenly looked at me. I could feel his eyes burning holes in mine. He was making eyecontact. He had dyed, blonde hair. He took off his sunglasses, as if he tried to figure something out. Shiny green eyes. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. His wife didn't notice, neither did his two sons. It was only me and him, something connecting us. In the background, I saw a car in the driveway. The driver stopped by the family's side.
"Madam," the driver said, nodding to his wife as he stepped out of the cab. She shook his hand. He smiled, and carried the three brown suitcases by her feet to the back of the car.
"Come on, Billie," she said. The man slowly broke eye contact with me, as I slowly walked towards them. Oh wait. She didn't mean me. She meant her husband. Her husband Billie. They all disappeared inside the cab, and suddenly they were all gone.
"Shit," I spoke loud to myself. What had just happened?
"Joey!" I heard mum's voice scream. "What took you so long?"
I pointed to the empty parking lot.
"No cabs," I said. I heard how short and shaky my voice sounded.
"Joey, honey," mum said, and brought her hand to my sweat forehead.
"Are you ill?"
"N.. No mum, I.." She quickly pulled her hand back.
"You're at it again, aren't you?" she said, interrupting me. Her voice was hard and rasp.
"At what?"
"There you are," Glen said with a huge grin. He walked towards us with several suitcases, most of them being mother's. Antonia licked her tounge white eating ice cream, and Michael looked dissatisfied.
"What's wrong with him?" mum asked, looking at Michael.
"Same that's wrong with him every day," I mumbled under my breath.
"Joey, this is supposed to be a nice family trip, can you try being nice?" mum said. I looked at her. I could she in her eyes she was upset.
"I can try.."
"Okey guys, let's fetch that cab," Glen said interrupting our conversation.
"Wow, you seem happy today Glen," I spoke.
"Of course. I'm here again. In California." He laughed.
"Oh, so you didn't trip over some knives recently, did you Glen?" He replied by giving me that "don't-say-no-more" look. He sat our suitcases down, and waved at the cab driver. I smiled to myself. Seeing Glen not being able to abuse me was something I liked.
*
The cab slowly drove up the road we lived in in Berkeley. I thought back to the cab station, eye contacting that young boy. He looked like someone I'd seen before..
"Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong!" the cab driver spoke. "We're here." Adie got up in the back seat to help out Joseph and Jakob.
"Come on, boys." she said with her calm voice. I looked at her in the reflection mirror. God I loved her so much.
"You comin' honey?" Adie spoke. I nodded in response, and turned to the cab driver to pay him.
*
Thinking was something I did in the veranda chair, so that's where I settled down, thinking of that boy outside the airport. He looked so familiar. I know I'd seen him before somewhere. I scanned him in my mind. Long, spiky, red hair. Green, shining eyes. Baggy, black pants. No such guy I'd hang out with. I just knew I'd seen him before, and I knew he felt the same way. I'd seen it in his eyes. His eyes which looked at me the same way I'd looked at him. I closed my eyes and concentrated on him. Deeply, I tried to focus on where I'd seen him before. My eyes snapped open as I heard something falling out of my pocket. I sighed, and bent down to pick it up. Below laid a photo of my first son.