Billie Joe's Third Son

1989

I was waiting on the airport. Regina was leaving for Scotland today with our son. Mike was sitting beside me, none of us speaking. I knew what he was thinking, and he knew what I was thinking. And he knew that I knew.. Shit. Stop it Billie. I noticed Mike looking at me. I could feel his eyes burning holes in my neck. Regina hadn't showed up yet. I wished she never did, but there she was. I didn't see her, but I could feel her presence.
"Billie." I got up. She handed me my fully awake son.
"Hey baby," I whispered and kissed his left cheek.
"Dadda," he said and smiled. I looked right in his small, green eyes. He didn't know what was about to happen. He was happy. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. It was so awful. Will I ever see you again?
"Dadda," he spoke again.
"Shh. Dadda will see you soon," I whispered. I didn't know if I lied or not. Nothing was sertain.
"I love you," I whispered in his ear. He giggled.
"Come here Billie," Regina said, and lifted Billie from my grasp. He laid his head on her chest and closed his eyes.
"Goodbye BJ," she said, meaning me.
"Bye..." I said. I wasn't looking at her. I didn't want her to see me cry, so I decided to look at my feet.

*

2003

I sighed. So much had happened since then. Joseph, Jakob. Adie.
I wonder where you are now. I wonder what you're doing, what you look like..
"Billie!" Tré shouted.
"Yes," I replied. I was still thinking back to that day on the airport.

I saw her walk away with my son on her arm. Tears pored down my cheeks, and I could not stop them. From her shoulder Billie was looking at me. Something told me I wouldn't see him again for a very long time. Mike laid a hand on my shoulder. I think he said something, but I couldn't hear him. All that existed was me. Me and Billie's eyes.
He'd looked so happy just a minute ago, but now his eyes were filled with sadness. Did he know? Did he know he wasn't going to see me again? ..Ever? Had Regina tried explaining it to him? She couldn't have. He wouldn't understand even if she tried. He wasn't even one year old yet.
How could I celebrate my seventeen years, when I couldn't celebrate his first? Two years ago, this was what I wanted. When Regina'd first told me she was pregnant. I hated him. Hated. I'd hoped no one would ever know. Few did know. Only Mike, John and a couple of others outside the family.
Did she think I hated him? Did she know I loved him? Did she know how hard it was for me to let him go? So many questions, but no answers. It only made it worse..

"Momma Billie! Earth is calling!" Tré shouted. I couldn't answer. I didn't have any answers then, how could I have any now?
"Mike! There's something wrong with Billie! He can't speak!" Tré shouted, to make me speak. I heard the veranda door open, then Mike's steps came closer, and closer. Billie. I heard his voice far away. It was like that day in the classroom, when my first son was born. I wasn't there.
I wasn't anywhere. I was somewhere between space and time. Suddenly I sat there again. In the classroom. Mike writing keyswords, teachers talking. The man who tried to contact me. Billieee.. Pupils all around me, every last one of them had their eyes fixed upon me.
What was happening? Am I going back in time? was all I could think before Mike's rubber hit my head.
"Billie! Tré, go fetch some water, I think he's having a panic attack."

*

Scotland

"Joey, would you mind helping me with this?" mum said. She'd been out, buying everything she meant we needed for our trip to Oakland, where Glen's sister lived. For some random reason Mum was acting hard as a stone; I wouldn't be allowed anywhere without her when we came there. She was nervous, I could tell. What about, I couldn't. Glen sat in his "private chair" outside in his boxers, and read the newspaper. His brown, thick hair was glued to his head. Sweat.
"Joey!" Mum yelled. "Give me a hand young man!"
"Mum, I'm not your fucking slave," I screamed and ran upstairs. Something was going on, and I couldn't figure out what it was.
Antoina had been avoiding me since her and Michael's birthday. As for him, he'd been giving me confused looks as if he wanted to ask me something, but couldn't bring himself to it.
Mum was nervous about going to California, as for Glen he'd always been acting weird, so there was nothing new with that guy. Someone had to clean the air in this house. But this someone was not going to be me. I had to speak with someone, but after Tom's moved to New Zealand, there wasn't really much choice.
"Mum.. no. Glen... definitely not. Antonia.. no way. Michael.. just as bad as speaking with Glen.." I spoke with myself. There was always one person left. Don. But I couldn't just talk to him, after the blast we had some months ago, but he was the only alternative.
There was only one problem. If I was going over to him, I had to do something I didn't do very often. Say I'm sorry. I thought about it for some minutes, then decided I had to.
I was confused, angry and upset, and there was no way I'd hang around in this shithole. I slowly got up from my bed, and walked over to the door. I was just about to open it, when I heard Antonia and Michael speaking in the hall.
"...looks just like him," Antonia said. I decided to listen to their conversation. Maybe she was teenage talking to him about Brad Pitt again. I could picture it, she and Brad Pitt hand in hand.
I mean.. He wasn't even a little bit hot. She'd probably seen someone in town which looked like him, then she'd almost fainted and asked for his autograph. He'd do it too, 'cause he thought it was hilarious, she thinking he looked like Brad Pitt. The thought almost made me laugh, but I killed the laughter. There had to be more to this.
"Well, what do we tell him? He can't answer yes or no, he doesn't know who his father is," Michael said in reply. Hold on a second. This wasn't about Brad Pitt. It was about.. Me.
"We have to ask mum. She must know."
"You can't know if it's Joey's dad or not, she was probably just a fan, then named him after him." After who?
"I'm convinced. Mum worked at Pinole Valley High around the time he was born, and my researches says it's the school he went to. Michael, are you blind? They look the same, and they wear the same name," Antonia said. This was getting pretty interesting.
"But how do you know B.." said Michael, but Mum interrupted him.
"Michael! Antonia! Get down here and help me!"
Damn. Michael and Antonia knew something, and I was so close finding out who my father was. "But how do you know B.." Michael's words replayed in my head, over and over again. Who was "B"? My father? Bob? Bailey? George W. Bush? I had to laugh at the thought of George Bush being my father. That was strange, I wasn't used to laugh. Not just that, I didn't feel like I used to feel. I was happy. But about what?

*

"Mum, I have to ask you something," I said as I shut the fridge. Michael had run of somewhere, he didn't want to help us. Typical him.
"Yes Antonia?" she replied. She was busy cleaning dishes.
"I think I.. I think I know who Joey's dad is." She dropped the dishes in the sink, and turned around to look at me.
"Mum, I'm going out," Joey yelled, from the hall.
"Okey sweetheart," she replied, not taking her eyes of me. She sat down beside me, still not taking her eyes of me.
"Antonia, you don't know who he is. Help me clean up the dishes, and we'll say no more about it."
"But Mum, I need to ask you, 'cause Michael doesn't believe me."
"Go on then. Ask." I could see on her eyes that she didn't think I knew who he was. But I had already convinced myself.
"It's that guy in Green Day, Mum. Isn't it?" Her face fell a little.
"Antonia.."
"Don't say I'm not right. They look the same, they're named the same.. wonder how long it's gonna take for Joey to find out," I said, cutting her off. I got up.
"Sit down Antonia," she said.
"No. I've heard enough. That's the reason you won't let him go anywhere without you in California, 'cause Oakland's too close to Berkeley!" I yelled.
"How could you do this to him? You know Joey doesn't see daddy as his father, and he never will."
"Sit down, Antonia," she spoke again, harder this time. I had a feeling I didn't wanna miss this, so I sat down.
"Billie never loved Joey. He was sixteen the day he was born. He hated him even before he was. And I met Glen and I.. I had to do it, Toni. I couldn't rely on Billie, we didn't even have a relationship. The only thing which didn't stop us from knowing each other was Joey." She sighed. I had a feeling she wasn't done, so I let her continue.
"I let Billie have him five days a week when I was working, then Joey might would have remembered him. But as soon as we flew out from California, I never heard him mention him again. Well sometimes but.. he's forgotten him, and it's better this way. Antonia, please don't tell anyone." I looked at her. How could I not tell anyone what I'd just heard? I could see fear in her eyes, and decided what was right.
"Don't worry, Mum. I won't say anything."

*

I stood in front of Don's house, not knowing what was the right thing to do. Should I apologise? Should I forget it, go back, and have no one to talk to? I took a deep breath, and forced my feet up to his front door. I was just about to knock, but the door opened. He must've seen me. His blue eyes strangled my green. Was he angry? Was he going to let me in?
"I've been waiting for you, Armstrong," he said.
"I.. I just.."
"No need to apologise," he said, knowing I was going to.
"Come on in." He stepped back, and let me in. It smelled the usual, beer and cigarettes. He sat down in his beaten up chair which usually found place on the veranda.
"What brought you here?" he spoke.
"I just.. I want to apologise. For last time. I was so confused and scared, I suppose it just ended up that way. I guess I was a little disappointed too. And now I need to see somebody I know I can trust. Home's being a bitch, everyone's busy doing their own thing, mum and Glen yells at me all the time, the twins give me weird looks, I almost found out about my dad today, y'know. I think Mike and Toni know something. About him," I replied, and took a deep breath, after so many words at once. He nodded.
"Seems to me like they do. I heard you were going to California." he said, changing the subject.
"Yeah. Mum's gone all crazy, she says I can't be outside without her. 'Too many risks' she says." He nodded again. I've got this strange feeling..
"She has a good reason though," he replied. She has? How'd he know?
"Uh... What reason?"
"Oh, I only meant she probably has a good reason. You never know what can happen.." He didn't look at me while speaking. Something was in the air, I could feel it. Something was going on. Was Don my father afterall? Did he live in California, with curly hair around the time I was born? I decided I had to ask him.
"Don are you.. Are you my real father?" I said. He looked at me.
"No." he spoke.
"But..?" I replied.
"No buts. Look, Joey, I've got some important customers waiting. Why don't you go home, and we'll talk later?" I nodded.
"Fine. Call me when you're done."

*

I sighed. I wondered how long it'd be before Joey found out who his father was. I stroke my fingers through my half-curly, blonde hair. He was such a good kid. So alike his dad. I sat down, remembering the happy days in California when I was working at Pinole..

I sat in my office, correcting math tests, when someone knocked on my door.
"Mr. Donald Blake!"
"Come in," I said, and laid the pen back in my pencil case. One of the nurses, Ms. Laiho, entered the room.
"Mr. Blake," she spoke again. "The other nurse, Regina has gone in to labor. She has been sent to the hospital, but I need a favor from you."
"Yes, what favor?" I asked, gently.

I sighed and lighted a cigarette. I was always being nice and gently in the old days. I laughed at myself. Who'd think I'd end up in this shithole, selling ecstasy and speed to fifteen year old boys? To one of my students son? I sighed again, as the memory flashed through my mind.

Ms. Laiho looked at me, as if I should've already known what she was about to tell.
"One of your students, sir. Billie Joe Amstrong. Shouldn't he be informed?"
"Why? Is he the big brother?" I asked.
"No Mr. Blake. He's the father." Father?
"Father? But he is.. He is.."
"Sixteen. I know."
"Well, why don't you tell him yourself?" I asked.
"I've got plenty of tests to.."
"I know. But I do not know the way to his classroom, so you'd had to take me there anyway." I nodded.
"I see. Then I shall inform him immidiately."
"Right," she said and nodded. "Sorry for interrupting your work."
"That's okay. On one condition," I said, while getting ready to go.
"What?"
"Next time you need me, please call me Don." She smiled.
"Only if you call me May."

*

"Sorry for interrupting class Mrs. Halt, but I think Mr. Armstrong is done for today." I told Mrs. Halt when I came to the classroom.
"Oh sure. He's right over there sir." I looked in the direction her finger pointed, and saw him. Brown, curly hair. Green eyes which did not pay attention. I walked over to him.
"Armstrong." He glanced at me, then looked back down as if he didn't hear me.
"Armstrong, can you hear me?"
"Billie!" a guy behind him yelled, and threw a rubber at him.
"Ouch! What the hell did ya do that for?" the young soon to be father said.
"Armstrong. Regina's gone in to labor, but she's been sent to the hospital," I said. His eyes grew big, and they looked at me.
"Really?" he said.
"Really. Come on now."

The flashback stopped, when a sharp noise rang through my head. Oh. The customers.