Did You Have To Turn Your Back When Forever Didn't Last?

I admit life is hard living this way. Living in my father’s house with my one year old son because my husband is a jackass and does some pretty stupid things. He drinks, he smokes both around Crimson and me. I’m eight months pregnant; I can’t be around that right now. It could create problems. Problems I want to avoid with this pregnancy.
Crimson was complicated. I went through a lot when I was pregnant and he suffered for it too. Along with tons of injuries I had during the time (multiple broken limbs, brain tumors, ect.) he was months premature. He is blind in one eye and is not as developed as other kids his age. After he was born (cesarean section) Trace and I had spent a month with him in the hospital. I was under observation anyway (Told you I had problems).
I always had problems. I started partying, drinking, and smoking when I was eleven. Lost my virginity at twelve. I quit smoking when I was fifteen because my brother told me to. Was in a coma for a long time at fifteen from getting hit by a car. I started dating Trace shortly after I woke up. Ran away at seventeen. Got pregnant at eighteen. Married at nineteen. Lots of problems come with me.
When I’m not pregnant with his children I’ll drink occasionally. He drinks a lot; it’s like the stress of being famous and being married and having a kid and having a baby on the way is turning him this way. I don’t know if I can go back to him if he’s still like this. I love him still it’s just he’s way out of hand. I can’t control him.
Crimson came stumbling in taking my mind off things. He held tight on the door frame. He then dropped on to the floor and crawled over to my bed.
“Hey, lil’ guy.” I greeted him. He gripped on to the bed and pulled himself up to a stand.
“Ma’.” He gurgled. I smiled at him. His vocabulary consisted of Ma meaning mom, mama, momma, ect. Papa, meaning grandpa, Dab meaning dad, om om means food, and Pan.
“What do you need, Crim?” I asked him pulling him up on to the bed with me.
“Papa.” He pointed out the door.
“You can’t find him?” The small boy nodded and pointed out the door getting down slowly.
“Papa.” He demanded as I climbed down from my bed. He wobbled over and hugged on to my leg. “Papa.”
“We’re going to get Papa, Crimson just a second.” I took his hand and we started to walk. “Dad where are you?” We searched the house endlessly with Crimson yelling out for his Papa. I stepped out of the front porch to find him and Trace talking. I moved Crimson behind me.
“Papa!” He screamed in delight finally finding his grandpa. My father chuckled then turned back to Trace.
“You can’t be here. You can’t be like this around them, Trace. You have a alcohol problem. You need to face your problems or you can‘t have them back. ” My father tried.
“Ma’.” Crimson pulled on my shirt. “Ma’.” I looked down at him. “Dab.”
“Yes, Crimson that’s dad.” I answered him. He moved his fingers about at Trace.
“See he wants me.” It was obvious that Trace had been drinking. No way I was letting our 14 month old around him like this.
“No, he wants his father.” My father put his hand on Trace’s shoulder semi comforting him semi holding him back.
“I am his father.” Trace spoke his forehead creasing. He looked sort of confused. “Are you saying Kelsey cheated on me?” His hands bulled up in angry fist.
“That’s not what I mean, Trace. You are under the influence of alcohol you aren’t yourself.”
“I want to hold him.” Trace demanded trying to move towards his son.
“Come on, Crimson let’s start dinner.” I ushered him indoors looking back at Trace.
“Pan! Pan! Pan!” He sung over and over again until we got to the kitchen and let him have a pan and spoon. I sighed heavily as he beat the pan with the spoon.
“What’s up, honey?” My dad came in. He must have gotten Trace to leave.
“Is it supposed to be this hard? He doesn’t get it, does he? Why I’m not with him, now. He continues to come and he wants to see us. It breaks my heart seeing him that way.” I replied closing my eyes and breathing in.
“It’s taking awhile to sink in, princess.” He reminded me kissing my forehead. “That’s all. Maybe you should talk to his family. You know, get them to talk to him about it.”
“I don’t even know if he even talks to them anymore.” I reply opening a cupboard and pulling out the box of coco puffs. Stuffing a few in my mouth, chewing and swallowing before speaking. ‘It’s worth a try anyway.” I closed up the box and put it away. “I’ll be back before dinner. Crim, you want to see Nana Tish and Papa Bibi and Auntie No maybe Auntie Mi and Uncle Brae?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He smiled standing up and stumbling to my side. I took his hand and walked out to the car. I wasn’t going to my in-laws yet though and as soon as Crimson was buckled into his car seat and I in the drivers seat. I announced:
“First we’re going to see Uncle Mase and Auntie Kar.” He smiled and giggled. Kara and I had things to talk about. Like the baby shower and this Trace business. Crimson spoke in baby chatter to me. I nodded and yeah-ed when needed while driving until we got there. The paparazzi where waiting for us snapping pictures as I unbuckled Crimson and rushed into the house not caring to knock. Mason was just inside the door.
“Good Evening, Count Crimula.” Mason said with a Transylvanian accent taking Crimson from my arms. “Kara is upstairs in the office, Lady Kelsey.” With that he swept off with my little boy playing vampires. I took the steps cautiously. I entered the office at the top of the stairs and Kara turned to look at me. She smiled and motioned for me to come to the desk she was sitting at.
“The invitations arrived today.” She announced pointing at the stack in front of her. On the invitations Kara and I stood belly to belly trying to hold on to each other and look at the camera smiling on both sides of the invite were ultrasound pictures the script read out all the information. I smiled at them and hugged Kara.
“They are great.” Kara’s belly was bigger than mine. She was more pregnant then me. She was a few days away from nine months. I was barely eight months, but we found out the same day. We went to classes and appointments together. We where a pair and I wouldn’t be surprised if we delivered on the same day even if we where a month apart. I’ll be in the room when she delivers and vice versa. Soul sisters.
“Oh, about the Trace situation… “ We had one problem with our baby shower… Trace. He should be there for the baby, but we need to make sure he wasn’t drinking before. “I had an idea.”
“What is it?” I asked hoping it would be manageable this time.
“We’ll have one of the security issue a breathalyzer test on him.” She suggested and I pondered at it for a minute.
“That’s actually a good idea.” She looked at me sternly before saying.
“I didn’t graduate from New York Girls Seminary for nothing.” I laughed at what she said as soon as it came out.
“Last time I heard you were forced to go there on fact that you ran away and I harbored you in a house my boyfriend and his friends own?”