This Isn't Goodbye

I watched him as he dropped to his knees on the muddy floor of the woods, getting his nice dress pants and shirt dirty, along with his black silky tie.

"Alex." I whispered as I saw him squeeze his eyes tight and then stand up off the ground, completely lost in this awful day.

"What the fuck do you want now?" He groaned as I continued to stare at him in the middle of the woods.

He looked all around himself, but he still couldn't see me.

"Alex, come and catch me." I said as I walked closer to him as he stared around the woods, obviously confused and in pain. I felt so bad for him...I just had to see him one last time before I crossed over to where I needed to be.

"Where are you?" He whispered.

"Over here." I giggled as he started to move through all the thick oak trees and the branches on the ground and all the mud, making his nice black dress shoes sink into it with every step he took to try and find me...

"Blaire!" He screamed as he turned around and came back the other way in panic as I continued to stand in the middle of the woods. He had to see me sometime...

He started to jog back the other way towards me...almost reaching me. He then tripped over the thick log that was in front of me and his face landed right at my feet. He looked up very slowly at my legs and then all the way up to my knees as I backed up a little. He looked up all the way and then saw my face...

He was shocked and completely stunned at how different I probably looked since the last time he laid eyes on me.

"Bl-Blaire?" He stuttered as I half smiled down at him.

He stood up slowly, that same shocked look in his sad, glossy, chocolate brown eyes. Tears cascaded down his cheeks as he wiped them away quickly, trying to play it cool. Of course no guy would want a girl to see them cry.

"Wh-what....How...Why?" He spit out as I swallowed hard and touched his face, with my pale, cold hand.

"I'm so sorry. I had to do it." I whispered as he shook his head and grabbed my other cold, pale hand as he flinched from my cold touch.

"You didn't have to." His voice started to crack again.

"I missed him...I wasn't happy down here. My mom was on the verge of dying anyway." I spoke softly.

"No, she wasn't. She looks fine...She's at your funeral right now. This isn't even happening right now. You're still alive. I know you are, Blaire." He said and backed up away from me as he stared me up and down.

I gave him a look of sympathy and shook my head, making my brown bangs fall in my gloomy eyes.

"Face it, Alex. I'm dead." I told him. He looked as if ten thousand knives stabbed him all over his body. I didn't like to see him this way...Apart of me now regretted doing what I did in Daniel's bathroom at Alex's party...I could now see that...Alex loved me. And he always has...The look in his brown eyes said it all.

"You can't be." He whispered as tears filled his eyes and I nodded slowly and looked down at my dirty pink converses and the dirty leaves surrounding them.

"You can move on. You have your whole life ahead of you, baby." I said, looking up slowly as tears flew down his cheeks, but he wiped them away quickly again.

He came closer to me and put some of my dark brown hair behind my pale ear as I half smiled. He cradled my dead head in his warm, strong, soft hands.

He rubbed his rough thumbs across both of my pale cheeks as I continued to stare into his sad eyes.

"I love you. And I can't believe you never saw that." He said in a hurt voice as I gulped and the tears started to fill my eyes.

"I've always loved you, Alex." I whispered as the tears trickled down my cold, pale, dead cheeks.

"Then why did you have to go and kill yourself?" He said through clenched teeth and grabbed onto my head more roughly.

"I-I wanted to be with my b-brother." I stuttered as he shook his head and more tears then started to fill his beautiful brown eyes.

"My brother died too...And I knew that I had to stay alive...because of you." He spoke softly as I started to sob.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered as he shook his head, letting his brown bangs fall in his eyes.

"I loved you so much...You were my best friend." He said as more thunder rumbled in the distance and the sun fought to come out from behind the dark clouds.

"I love you too...Calvin needs me." I said as Alex's hands dropped down to my neck and he pulled me to him as our lips crashed up against each others. I melted in with him as he kissed me more passionately and grabbed onto my waist as I wrapped my thin, pale, cold arms around his neck.

He lifted me a little bit up off the ground as tears continued to fall down my pale cheeks. I sobbed up against his lips as he dug his fingers into my back and I gripped onto him more tightly.

"Don't let go." I whispered in his ear as we stood there in silence while the rain stopped drizzling down on us.

"Never forget...me." I sniffed as he continued to dig his fingers into my back.

"Don't leave yet...Don't go. Please." He pleaded as I kissed him passionately again. I wanted to be trapped in this moment...forever.

"I can't stay long...People are going to wonder where you are." I spoke softly as he shook his head and trailed kisses up and down the side of my neck.

"I don't care. I wanna be with you." He croaked as he I swallowed hard and the sun started to come out more and I followed the ray to where it landed.

It landed in the middle of the forest. The ray of the sunlight was glistening and beautiful...Butterflies flew around it and the birds started to chirp.

I pulled away from Alex as he gave me a curious look.

"What is it?" He asked me as I pointed over to the ray and he looked over and then back at me.

"Remember me?" I whispered as he half smiled and nodded.

"I could never forget you." He said as he blinked his tears away and I slowly walked up to the ray of sunlight and stood in it as I felt myself become lighter and lighter...

"Goodbye, Blaire..." He said in a hurt voice. He hated to see me cross over...but I had to some time.

He backed up a little and continued to stare at me as tears ran down my cheeks and I didn't bother wiping them away either.

"Alex..." I paused as I looked down at my arms that were fading in and out and I started to sparkle.

"Yeah?" He whispered.

"This isn't goodbye..." I spoke softly as he arched his thick eyebrow up at me as tears flew down his cheeks.

He didn't say anything as everything continued to grow silent and a orange and black butterfly landed on my finger as I smiled down at it.

"This is more like...I'll see you later..." I whispered as my voice echoed all around the woods and Alex's mouth parted slightly.

I continued to sparkle and fade as the butterfly stayed on my pale index finger. And as I felt myself slip away...I blew on the butterfly as it turned into dust and it flew all around me and took me away...up into the clear blue sky...

Alex's POV:

I watched as Blaire faded all the way and my heart felt as if it had stopped beating completely...And my breath caught in my throat. That was it for me...I remember the last few words that she had spoken to me though...

"This isn't goodbye...This is more like...I'll see you later."

The sun started to come out more as the hurt started to come back again. I just wanted her back in my arms again and her lips pressed up against mine. I already missed her...and I always will.

Tears ran down my cheeks as the ray of sun disappeared in front of me. I stared down at my nice dress shoes that were muddy. I wiped my tears away with my thumb and looked up slowly...And then I looked over slowly and saw a nice black and blue butterfly on my right shoulder.

It couldn't be the same one that landed on Blaire's finger because that one was orange and black...

I stared at it as it flew off my shoulder and into the palm of my hand as I swallowed hard.

"Never forget me..." Her voice echoed in and out of my head as I smiled my crooked smile down at the gorgeous butterfly.

The butterfly was Blaire...

"I won't, Blaire. I promise...I won't." I whispered as the butterfly then flew out of the palm of my hand and up into the sky...

"I'll be seeing ya later, Blaire." I whispered as I walked off with my black jacket hung over my shoulder and one hand in my pocket.

I still couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to the last place I saw her at...

"Remember me!" I heard her giggle as it echoed all over the sky and the woods. I then looked back and smiled one last time, knowing that she could see me wherever she was...