Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

I stormed out of the house and started the long walk to my house. Well, it seemed like a long walk, even though it was really only about twenty minutes. How on earth could they say something like that? They are supposed to be my friends, yet they’re jumping to conclusions because I’m not hungry. Some friends they are... My eyes began burning, and I stopped walking so I could close my eyes in hopes of keeping the tears from falling. I felt the first one make its way down my cheek, followed by multiple others. Great. I’m in the middle of a neighborhood at 10 in the morning and I’m crying. Thanks for being my friends, guys, I thought as I wiped the tears from my face and continued walking.

“Jerri! Wait! Jerri! What’s wrong? Why did you leave?”

I turned to Jack, tears running down my face and looking very angry. Why did I leave? Was he seriously asking me this after their conversation downstairs? I wasn’t stupid, and I sure as hell wasn’t deaf. Did they really think that going downstairs to talk about it was going to work?

“You guys are supposed to be my friends, but you still go behind my back to discuss how you all think that I’m starving myself to lose weight! Pardon me for being pissed off and not wanting to be around people like that!” I yelled before turning on my heel to walk off.

Jack grabbed my arm, keeping me from going anywhere. He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me in a death grip.

“Jack, let go of me! I don’t want anything to do with you guys! Let go of me!”

“Jerri, listen. Please.”

“No! Why should I listen to you when you can’t even tell me what you think about me to my face?!”

“We didn’t say it to your face because we knew you’d act like this! We were gonna wait to see if you started acting differently before we acted. We’re worried about you, Jerri. You’ve been acting really weird lately, and you don’t look like the Jerri I remember from when we first met. You’ve gotten paler, your hair has lost its shine, your eyes seem vacant, and you aren’t acting like yourself. You haven’t even been eating like you normally do. Can’t you see why we’d be worried about you?”

I looked at Jack, really looked at him. The thing I’d always loved about Jack was that he was so easy to read. His emotions were always laid out on the table for everyone to see, unless he had something to hide. But right now, the worry was so evident in his face that I took a step back, the fight gone from me. His eyes watched me, and his body was poised to come after me if I decided to run. Jack really did care. They all did. My eyes widened and I felt fresh tears begin to stream down my face. Jack’s open arms looked so inviting; I couldn’t keep myself from stepping into his embrace.

“I’m sorry, I yelled at you, Jack. I just…I can’t believe you guys didn’t think about how I would feel if I heard you talking about me. I thought you guys knew me better than that. And....maybe you guys are right. Maybe I am starving myself to lose weight, but if I am, it’s not conscientiously. I like my body that way it is…but just looking at food has been making me feel sick as hell lately. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

I clung to Jack like the life preserver that he had become, my face buried in his chest. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me again, this time in a comforting fashion. I felt…safe, whenever I was around Jack. We stood there for what felt like forever before he pulled away and looked down at me.

“Come on, we’re going back to Rian’s, and all of them are going to apologize. I promise.”

“I…alright, fine. But the first time Zack makes any kind of joke, I’m walking out.”

“That is fine by me. Hell, I’ll even take you back to your house.”

“Thanks Jack, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.”

<->

The moment we walked into the basement, everybody went dead silent. Great, they were talking about me. That’s typical. Amanda was the first person that got up to give me a hug. She hugged me so hard that I had no air left in my body when she pulled away.

“I’m so sorry, Jerri. We never meant for you to hear us.”

“That was probably the wrong thing to say, Amanda.”

I looked over at Zack with a slightly shocked look on my face. He gave a small smile and then came over and hugged me. I think it’s safe to say that everyone in the room had a look of disbelief on their face. He pulled away, his cheeks a light pink color.

“I-uh-I-fuck! I’m sorry, Jericha. I should have never said that. I mean, yeah we’re worried that it might be true and all but…”

“Alex! Calm down…it’s…it’s okay.”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just…sometimes I do things without thinking and people end up getting hurt. When that happens, I feel like I have to explain myself or else I’m gonna end up feeling horrible all day.”

“Like I said, it’s okay, Alex. I…I kinda wanna go home. You guys all have plans today, and I’d feel bad if you guys changed your plans to accommodate me.”

“I and Zack could hang out. We write music everyday as it is, so we don’t have to write any today.”

“No! You guys already had plans, and I’d feel bad if you changed them for me.”

“Jerri? I-uhm…I agree with Rian. You should just stay and the three of us could hang out.”

Zack sounded so unsure of himself, almost as if his brain-mouth filter had shut down. It was kind of cute, to be honest. I was getting tired of trying to argue with all of them, and since Zack was making an effort to be nice, I didn’t want to be rude.

“Fine. Since you all insist, I guess I’ll stay here.”

“YAY!”

“Rian! Let. Go. Now. Please.”

“Heh…sorry. I just got excited is all. My bad.”

“Alright, well…me and Amanda need to get going, so we’ll see you all later. Bye everyone!”

“Yeah…I need to go meet up with Kelly.”

“Bye! You all have fun!”

I watched them all leave and then sat down on the couch, waiting for Rian and Zack to finish saying their goodbyes. Zack was the first to finish, and he came over to sit next to me.

“Jerri…are…are you sure you’re okay?”

“I…I think so, Zack. Thanks for asking though,” I said softly before laying my head on his shoulder. I was tired as hell after all the crying and arguing. Maybe they’d be okay with me falling asleep here again.

“Hey guys-whoa! Hope I’m not interrupting anything!”

“Haha, very funny, Rian. I’m tired, that’s all it is. You should know by now that whenever I’m tired, I use whoever is closest to me as a pillow.”

“Yeah, I know. I was just joking anyway.”

Standing up, I started to walk over to the mini fridge and stumbled, my legs feeling heavy as lead. Everything around me started spinning, including Rian’s running figure. I didn’t hit the ground, but was caught by Rian as I blacked out.

<->

“What happened?!?!”

“She blacked out, dude.”

“Go get a water bottle and some chocolate; I think she’s coming to.”

I heard footsteps running up the basement stairs as my eyes slowly fluttered open to reveal a worried Zack and Jack. What was Jack doing here again? Hadn’t he just left?

“Jerri, can you hear me?

“Ughh…yes. What happened?”

“You passed out like…four hours ago.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, shooting up from where I was lying. Bad idea, bad idea, I thought as I fell backwards onto…Zack once more. “Four hours ago?”

“Yeah…you kind of had us worried there for a minute. How much have you eaten this week?”

“I’ve only eaten like…two meals this week,” I said truthfully, watching the horror take over their faces.

Zack shifted beneath me so that there was room for Jack to sit by my feet. I watched as Rian came back downstairs with the bottle of water and chocolate, both of which he handed to me. I ate the whole chocolate bar without a second thought before taking a few sips of the water.

“Feeling any better?”

“Er…yeah, thanks for asking, Jack.”

I felt a bit awkward pretty much laying on Zack’s lap so I sat up and looked at all three of them. I kind of wanted to go to sleep, but I was wide awake now.

“You guys should play something for me…this silence is a bit annoying.”

They all looked at one another before nodding and grabbing their respective instruments.

“Uh…Zack, I think you should sing. Since Alex isn’t here and you like…sing backup all the time.”

“I’d rather not. Why don’t you do it?”

“But I asked you to.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“Zack, just sing! We all know Jack’s singing is like the noise a cat makes when you get it wet, and as it’s hissing and trying to attack you, it steps in the water dish again.”

“Fine, fine. Jerri, pick a song.”

“Hmm…how about…How To Save A Life?”

“Alright, can do.”

I watched my friends begin playing the song, my eyes slowly drifting from person to person as they played. This was how the rest of our day played out until Jack took me home, neither of us saying a word to my mother about my black out.