Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

Belle's funeral is a week from today, which is Wednesday. I spent the rest of Monday with Amanda and the guys trying to get even slightly accustomed to the fact that one of my best friends was dead. Tuesday saw me in a stupor. I went through the motions of everyday life but I didn't really live it. I answered questions in class but didn't know where the answers were coming from. Jack had decided to try and cheer me up by bringing over some old movies for the two of us to watch. So far, he's still failing. Bless his heart though, because he really is trying.

On the television, I watched some cop chase occurring. I didn't know what had led up to this because I hadn't been paying attention. Jack knew this as he turned to look at me. With a soft sigh, he paused the movie and looked at his feet. I braced myself for the talk that I knew was coming.

"Jerri... are you okay? I know you've said you are but... you're not acting like yourself. You've been really distant lately and you're always staring off into space. You see what's going on around you, but at the same time you don't see it. I'm not gonna lie Jerri, you're scaring all of us. You've even been hanging out with Zack, who you hated before this whole thing happened. Can you please just talk to me?"

He looked so upset. His eyes had the sparkling effect that usually only happens when you're on the verge of tears. Jack shouldn't ever cry. It's not at all like him to cry. But here he was, sitting in front of me and about to cry. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I just knew I didn't wnat Jack to cry.

"I'm sorry.. I just don't know what else to do Jack. I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. I want the world to spin reverse and turn back time. I want to have at least one more chance to see Belle smiling and laughing. I can't evn go to her funeral for fuck's sake! Do you have any idea how bad that makes me feel? I know I've been scaring ya'll with my behavior. Hell, I've been scaring myself with the way I've been acting. But I can't help it. I don't know how else I can deal with this. My parents have always kept me away from death. The only funeral I've been to is my uncle's. I threw a fit just so I could see him off to Heaven, Hell or anywhere else he could ahve gone. That's not even the point though. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm clueless right now. There's no other words I can use to desribe this feeling," I said to Jack.

He looked as afraid as he did upset. I watched something flicker through his eyes. Jack was smart, he just didn't act like it. But that flicker told me that he knew there was more than I was letting on.

"Why can't you go to her funeral?"

"My dad."

"What about him?"

"His whore."

"What?"

"He's marrying the fucking whore that he cheated on my mother with."

"When?"

"Next Wednesday. In California."

"Oh. So you can't go becuase your dad won't be home to babysit you after teh funeral?"

"Yeah."

"And you can't stay with a friend?"

"Nope. Nichole has to leave town a few hours after the funeral so I can't stay with her. She was the only other friend I really had in Baltimore. Mom doesn't want me to stay in a hotel by myself because she doesn't trust hotel workers. Not to mention we have finals next week and mom doesn't want me missing any of those."

"Oh yeah. I forgot about finals." Jack watched as I played with a loose string on the end of my shirt. He scooted over and wrapped his arms around me. I hugged back and never wanted to let go of him. I felt his fingers start to slowly trail through my hair and sighed. Jack held me tighter, neither of us saying a word until his phone began ringing.

"Who is it?"

"Alex, judging by the ringtone."

"Oh. You gonna answer it?"

"I can't reach it. It's in my front left pocket."

"Oh. Do you want me to answer it?"

"If you can get to it."

I slid my hand down into his pocket and began pulling on the phone. As soon as it was out of his pocket, I answered it. "H-hello?"

"Jericha! Hey!"

"Hi."

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes. No. Maybe. Why?"

"Zack wants to have a barbeque at his house and asked me to invite Jack. Said something about wanting to invite you himself."

"Oh. Well... hold on."

I handed Jack the phone and sat back so that I could watch him. His replies were short and to the point, but he kept giving me weird looks. Almost like he thought I would run away. When he hung up the phone, he turned to look at me.

"Do you want to go?"

"I don't know."

"The others are hoping you will come with me."

"Uh-huh."

"You haven't said much of anything to anyone lately unless that person is named Zack."

"Okay? Your point?"

"You never used to talk to him. You used to hate him. What happened?"

"He made me talk to him. He sat there and waited as if he knew that I had to talk about it."

"Do you like him?"

"Why?"

"Just answer the damn question. Do you like Zack?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?! How can you maybe like someone?"

"A part of me hates him. But a part of me craves his attention. A part of me wants him to ask me out, but not as a prank. Which is exactly what it would be."

"Are you sure?"

"Are we talking about the same Zack?"

"I guess you have a point."

"Yep."

"Well anyway, you sidetracked me. Do you wanna go with me to the barbeque or not?"

"Sure, I guess. It's better than sitting here watching some movie I don't even understand."

"Yay! That's my Jerri-Berri!"

<->

I walked into Zack's backyard with a small smile on my face. It was nice to see everyone again, even though they were all very cautious with their conversations. Zack gave me a small smile from the other side of the grill. He had indeed sent me a personal invite. I had both a text and an email from him inviting me. The email was all nice and spiffy looking. I wasn't sure how to reply to either though, so I didn't.

The weather had been fluctuating a lot lately but today was one of the nicer days. I realized what a shame it was that I'd spent most of my day inside. Everyone around me was laughing and joking. I felt a bit lef out since I was standing awkwardly to the side watching all of them. I felt rather than saw someone come up behind me and looked over my should to see Alex. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me from behind. I looked into his eyes and smiled.

"You're so adorable Alex."

He grinned and kissed my cheek before looking at the others. None of them paid us any attention. "So why are you standing here by yourself?"

"I don't know, Alex. I just don't know how to join any of the conversations I guess."

"Hmm... "

I watched Alex's face go blank. He gazed down and said nothing for a few, though his arms tightened around my waist slightly as he steadied himself. He was trying to think of the rights to say. I knew this from other times I had watched Alex, especially when he was asking a girl out. Sure, Alex was a player but at least he tried to be thoughtful. His breath was warm on my cheek and it was a warmth that filled my being. I relaxed against Alex, startling him enough to make him snap out of his thoughts.

"Do you remeber the first day we met?"

"I do. Why?"

"Do you remember Zack stealing your lyric notebook?"

"Of course I do. But why does it matter?"

"Well....I think you should know something else about that day."

"Like what, Lexie?" I asked softly.

He chuckled at the nickname and looked at the others to make sure they hadn't heard him. "Well....before he stole your notebook, he had this weird look on his face. I've seen him prepare so many pranks for new students at our school but I've never seen this look on his face. He looked at me and asked me if I thought you were cute."

"And did you?"

"Haha, yeah, I did. You are cute Jerri. Hell, you're fucking beautiful. But I see you more as a sister than a girlfriend, though I have a feeling you'd set me straight if we ever dated."

"Probably."

"Anyway, Zack asked that and I told him sure. When I asked why, he clammed up. I kept poking and prodding, wondering why he was acting so strange. We finally convinced him to go talk to you, but I don't think it went like we thought it would. The point of this is... well... he really likes you Jericha. I don't know how else to tell you, or words that will make it any clearer."

"I've heard that from you and Jack. Zack has tried showing me he likes me. I'm starting to believe all of you."

"Good. Now, do you wanna take a dip in the pool to cool off? Because I feel like I'm about to melt."

"Sure, but I didn't- Jack. You told him to bring my swimsuit, didn't you?"

"Ahaha yeahhhh. Only because Zack didn't want you out here dying. He told me exactly where you keep it so I could tell Jack-Jack."

"Mmm... you guys are always plotting against me, aren't you?"

"I wouldn't say always, just most of the time."

Laughing at Alex, I followed him into Zack's house and to one of the guest bathrooms so I could change. I quickly stripped out of my simple white sundress and put on my bathing suit. The dress and undergraments were thrown into the bag, which I left sitting in the kitchen by Zack's mother. She gave me a warm smile and watched me follow Alex out into the backyard. Alex grabbed my hand and led me over to the pool where we both counted to three and jumped in. I came up gasping for air. The water was freezing! Alex laughed at the horrified look on my face and then splashed me. By this point, everyone else had stopped talking to one another. They seemed to be waiting for that moment where I snapped. It wasn't coming though. I turned to look at Jack, Amanda and Rian, all of whom stared back at me. When I splashed them with cold water, they were stunned, but after a few seconds they started laughing. I was starting to act like myself again and that's all that they cared about.

Amanda disappeared into the house so she could change, while Jack and Rian both just stripped down to their boxers and dove headfirst into the pool. Rian of course had the more graceful landing. Jack just looked like a fish out of water. I looked over at Zack and smiled, glad that I had decided to come. Things were beginning to look up. I'd find a way to see Belle, even if I didn't exactly make it to her funeral. I hate saying that she would understand because I don't think that dead people can understand much. I just know that Belle would be okay with me coming to see her at the next possible chance because she knew how odd my life had been for me lately. I watched Jack and Rian trying to pick teams for a chicken fight before Amanda dove into the pool and surfaced beside me.

"Rian or Alex?"

"What?"

"Who do you want your partner to be? Rian or Alex?"

"Oh. Um... personally, neither of you because I know that after a while you'll drop me. But since my other option is cooking... I'm gonna have to say Rian. No offense Alex, but you're kind of scrawny."

"Haha, I know. That's what makes it even funnier to watch me play chicken."

"Right..."