Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

My mom was upstairs asleep, tired after a long night at work, when Amanda cornered me in the kitchen. I knew from the moment she walked in that she had a purpose. The look on her face told me that her purpose was going to involve me answering questions that I either wouldn’t like or didn’t want to answer. But Amanda was like… Belle in the aspect that she didn’t give up until she got what she wanted. Especially if what she wanted were answers from me. Playing back in my mind all of the previous night’s events, I bit my lip and opened up the fridge, looking for something light to snack on. I could feel her behind me staring, but I was afraid to turn around and meet those bright blue eyes.

“Jericha, you have some explaining to do.”

I chuckled softly and shook my head; she sounded so much like my mother. My mom had actually said those exact same words to me before, though for different reasons obviously. Grabbing a bag of grapes I shut the refrigerator behind me and sat down on the counter. Amanda walked around the island in the kitchen and leaned against it so that she wouldn’t have to speak too loudly. She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow as I popped a grape into my mouth.

“What do I have to explain?”

“Last night.”

“What about last night?” I asked, feigning innocence. Maybe she would drop the subject if I acted like I couldn’t remember what happened last night. I still hadn’t figured out how I felt about the whole night, so I wasn’t ready to talk about it much.

“Jericha, you know what I’m talking about. Where did you and Zack disappear to last night after that big scene with Riley?”

“Oh… that. Well, we came inside and went up to my room.”

“And?”

“And we made out.”

“Is that all?”

“Well, yeah. At least I think so. I was still fully clothed this morning when I woke up, though he was shirtless.”

“Didn’t you think to ask him?”

“Yes. No. I wasn’t thinking straight this morning, okay?”

Amanda watched me as I shoved some more grapes in my mouth. I thought back to last night and what had happened between Zack and I. We had gone into my room, locked the door, made out and then… what? I forced myself to try and remember what we had done after that. I remember Zack’s shirt going flying across the room before he stopped me by gently pushing me away. He didn’t want to do anything too heated while I was drunk. It hadn’t made me happy last night, but I was glad now. Smiling slightly, I ate some more grapes.

“Why are you smiling like that? What did you just remember?”

“Zack stopped me before I did something that I’d regret. He didn’t want things getting out of control while I was drunk.”

“Aww, now do you believe that he is a good guy?”

“Kind of… but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be dating him anytime soon.”

“Bloody hell, Jericha! Why are you so bloody stubborn? You two obviously like each other, so why don’t you just admit it and move past the mates phase?!”

I bit my lip and looked down, unable to meet Amanda’s eyes anymore. She was obviously acting as spokesperson for the group that was not here at the moment, but that didn’t mean that I had to accept it. Her eyes stared back when I dared to look up for a second. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. Instead of speaking, I got off the counter, put the grapes back in the fridge and then went back into the living room and curled up on the couch. Clutching a pillow to my chest, I stared out the window and thought some more about last night. Why was Zack stuck in my mind? Everything that I did somehow led back to him today.

Hearing Amanda sit down next to me, I sighed and looked at her. I was so confused right now and more than anything, I needed help. “Amanda… I think I’m falling for Zack,” I said softly.

“Of course you are hun,” she said with a smile.

“I don’t want to be falling for him though. I don’t… I don’t want to get hurt.”

“I don’t think he’ll hurt you, Jerri. I really don’t.”

“That’s what all of you say… but a part of me still thinks that he’s gonna do something stupid and that I’ll get severely hurt because of it.”

“Well, I suppose that only time can tell if that’s really going to happen. Have you talked to him about anything lately?”

“Well, I’ve talked to him a lot about how Belle’s death has been affecting me.”

“No, silly. I meant, have you told him about how you feel? The only way you’re going to settle how you feel is by talking to him.”

“Oh… I don’t know if I can do that, Manda. What if he just laughs in my face and says he was joking about how he feels?”

Amanda sighed and wrapped her arms around her knees as she pulled her legs up to her chest. She seemed to be trying to think of the right words to say and it annoyed me. That’s all that anyone had been doing lately. They had all been trying to avoid upsetting me by wording things very carefully. It made me think once more that they thought of me as a walking time bomb. She finally looked at me and smiled, seemingly having decided what she wanted to say.

“In all the time that I’ve known Zack, I’ve never known him to lie about his feelings for a girl. He doesn’t talk all that often, but I know him, and he’s very open to his friends about when he likes a girl. Zack does like you Jericha, but he’s just as afraid of rejection as you are. Neither of you know how to function in a proper relationship; from what the both of you have told me that is. If one of you doesn’t take the first step towards settling things, then nothing will ever change between the two of you.”

I stared at Amanda like she was crazy. She had a point, but I never knew she could be so wise; it was a bit startling. It must be the crazy awesome brit thing that she had going for her. I gave her a small smile and then grabbed my phone from the table and sent Zack a text.

To : Zack Merrick Can you come over? I think that we need to talk about some things.

Amanda smiled and told me to go upstairs and fix my hair, which was a bit of a mess since I didn’t do anything with it before it dried. I nodded and hurried up to my room, looking at myself in a mirror. My hair had frizzed out a lot and was extra-curly. Sighing, I ran a wet brush through it and then pulled it into a low ponytail over my left shoulder. As long as it was out of my way, I would be fine. Putting on a little bit of eyeliner, I smiled at my reflection and then went back downstairs. Amanda looked me over, giving me a thumb up.

“I’m so glad my skinny jeans and My Chemical Romance shirt have gained your approval,” I said sarcastically.

“All in a day’s work, m’dear,” she said as the doorbell rang.

I walked over to the front door and took a deep breath. This was going to be difficult for me to do, but I had to do it before I lost my nerves. Opening the door, I saw Zack standing there with a worried look on his face. He looked like he had just woken up, and boy was it adorable. He stepped inside and I shut the door behind him before leading him upstairs and into my bedroom.

“Have a seat, I guess. This might take a little while.”

Zack raised an eyebrow, but sat down on the end of my bed and leaned back, propping himself up on one elbow. I gave him a small smile and then sat down next to him as I tried to find the right way to start this conversation. This was going to be difficult and tiresome, but that didn’t mean that I wanted it to end badly. I still wanted to be able to talk to Zack after all of this was over.

“Um… I guess that first off I wanna ask… did we do anything at all that was too rash?”

“I know what you’re getting at and the answer is no we didn’t have sex.”

“A-alright. That’s good. I mean, that’s good that we didn’t do it while intoxicated because if I have sex with someone I’d like to remember it.”

“Are you saying that you’ve thought about having sex with me?” he asked. I watched that all too familiar smirk spread across his face; he thought this was amusing.

“No… I mean, not while I was in a normal state of mind, I mean… oh fuck it, yes I have, Zack, happy?”

“Very much so, but you’re not finished, so continue.”

“Okay… well, Amanda had this brilliant idea for me to open up more, because if one of us doesn’t, then we’ll be stuck in this awkward ‘liking each other as more than friends’ phase for a while. So… yes, I really like you Zack. A part of me really wants to be with you, but the more logical part of me says that I don’t have what it takes to keep up with your shenanigans and that I’ll just end up getting hurt. Over the past few days, I’ve come to trust you more than I think I should, because I’m afraid you’ll become the pranking jerk again once this all blows over. I trust you, Zack, I really do, but I’m more afraid of this relationship than I have been of anything else in my entire life.”

He sat there quietly staring at me as I finished my gushing. God, I felt like such a pathetic girl. I never gushed like that, not even to Belle or Nichole. It was a weird feeling, but at the same time, I felt a bit relieved that I had let that all out. Zack seemed like he was at a loss for words and after all of the information I had just given him, I was afraid of what he would say when he finally found his voice. He could very easily use that information against me, which was what I had been afraid of when I came into this room to have this talk. Looking down at the blanket on my bed, I began gently pulling on a loose thread. Was I trying to distract myself? I’d be lying if I said no. Everything in me wanted to run downstairs and out of the house to get away from Zack, but I couldn’t do that. I had made a commitment when I came in here and I was going to follow through with the original plan, even if I got hurt because of it.

“Well, Amanda was right. I never thought you would have feelings for me, at least not in that way, so I never would have said anything. Apparently she knows me better than I thought she did, because not many people know how quiet I am about my emotions. I-I think that you did the right thing by telling me this, Jerri. It means we can try to work out the problems we have with each other and maybe one day we will be able to be together. Or is that being too optimistic?”

I shook my head and laughed quietly. Too optimistic? Was there such a thing as being too optimistic? I didn’t think there was but maybe it was just me. Zack sat up and held out his arms, which I stared at before finally smiling and falling into. We sat there hugging each other, neither of us saying a word, for what felt like hours. It was really only five minutes.

“You should probably get downstairs before Amanda thinks we’re doing stuff up here,” Zack said.

I nodded and stood up. This wasn’t how I had pictured this whole conversation going, but it hadn’t ended too badly, which I guess was a good thing. I wasn’t looking forward to him leaving, but I also wasn’t going to try and stop him if he wanted to go.

“Do you—do you want to stay and watch a movie with me and Amanda?”

“Nah, I’ve got to go to my cousin’s birthday party. She’s turning seven today,” he said. I couldn’t help but grin at the sparkle that appeared in his eyes when he talked about his family. It was obvious that he really got along with them. Nodding, I gave him a hug and then kissed him on the cheek.

“I can come back later today though and we can hang out, if that’s okay with you.”

“That’s fine by me.”

“Alright, cool.”

Zack followed me downstairs and into the living room, where Amanda was peering over the back of the couch watching the stairs. I laughed and jumped over the back of the couch, landing beside her with a thump. She raised an eyebrow as Zack left the house and then turned off the television before moving so that she could see me better.

“How did it go?”

“Fine. Great. Better than I anticipated it would.”

“Uh-huh. Why do you have that love struck look on your face? Did you two do it up there?”

“What?! No! We just talked and… you were right. If I didn’t do that, then we would have been stuck in an awkward phase because he wouldn’t have said anything. But… right now, we’re gonna try and fix our problems with one another and then see where that takes us.”

“Awww, that’s cute.”

“Oh, shove it.”