Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

I stood in front of my bedroom mirror and frowned at the outfit I was wearing. The short skirt and tank top combo wasn’t exactly working in my favor. In fact, I think that the outfit makes me look like a low-class whore. Letting out a frustrated moan I went back over to my closet and looked over the clothes that I had in it. There wasn’t really anything in my closet that I hadn’t already tried on except for the one thing shoved into the back. It was an outfit from a few years back that probably wouldn’t fit me anymore—which was fine by me. I didn’t want to pull it out and try it on because it was something that brought back memories. Memories that I didn’t want to think about right now because they were related to Belle and everything having to do with her hurt more than it should have. There was a raw hole inside my chest that was trying so hard to heal without the aid of consolation.

Turning to my bed, I fell face first into it and closed my eyes. Zack had meant well in inviting me out tonight, but if I couldn’t find a decent outfit then there was no way I was going. A night out on the town to me was a night to dress up in something flashy and have fun. It was basically the only time I got to really party. I knew I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the scene tonight though… not without a little help anyway. There was a soft knock on my door and I sighed before going to open it. Whoever was on the other side was in for a shock because my room was now like Ground Zero; a disaster.

“Jericha, what on earth happened here? Why are all of your clothes strewn about? Or better yet, why do you look like a low-class whore?”

I ignored the whore comment and sat back down on my bed as I looked around the room. My mother sat down beside me and watched me take in exactly how much damage I had done as I tried to think of the best way to explain my predicament. She didn’t say a word as I quietly began picking up the pieces of previous outfits so that I could put them back in my closet. She didn’t say a word as I stared at my reflection. My mom knew that I’d tell her what was on my mind when I had it all sorted out; it was one of the many reasons I liked living with her more than dad.

“Zack… offered to take me out tonight. He said that he knew of a way for me to say goodbye to Belle without going to her funeral. Since you wouldn’t let me go, he suggested that we go out on the town and do something that Belle like doing in her spare time. Zack said that we should celebrate her life by doing something she loved, since she can’t do it herself anymore. But I don’t know what to wear and I’ve gone through practically everything in my closet.”

My mom stood up and smiled at me as she went over to the closet and looked at what was still in there—which was a whole lot of nothing—and tried piecing together things that looked horrid together. She stopped when she saw the two hangers in a bag at the back of my closet. I knew by the look on her face that she was gonna ask why I didn’t wear it. We both knew what it was even though neither of us wanted to talk about the memories attached to it. She grabbed the bag and pulled it out, laying it down beside me and unzipping it. Inside was a beautiful green corset and skirt set that Belle had bought me for our first night at the underage dance club.

Nichole and Belle were trying on a bunch of different outfits while I sat and told them what was wrong with each outfit. This was how it always was with us; they’d put together outfits and I’m pick them apart until they found the right outfit for the night. I never went with them when they wanted to go out and party because the party scene just didn’t seem to fit me. I didn’t like to drink or do drugs and I sure as hell didn’t know nearly enough people to actually enjoy the parties that I occasionally got invited to.

“Why don’t you come with us tonight, Jer? It’ll be fun!”

“I don’t know… it isn’t really my scene.”

“That’s bullshit. You can’t know if something is your scene unless you give it a try first.”

“But I don’t have an outfit.”

“That can easily be fixed. I saw a corset and mini skirt set that would fit you perfectly. You’d be a knockout in it for sure!”

“I can’t afford half the things in this store though!”

“I’ll buy it for you then. Let it be my gift to you to help you get your first night of partying off to a good start.”

“I can’t let you do that, Belle. I’d feel horrible for making you spend your money on me. I’ll just stay home like I always do. It’s not like I would be bored. I always have plenty of writing to do,” I said with a soft chuckle.

“Nope. You’re coming with us tonight, wearing that corset and skirt. No ifs, ands or buts about it.”

I groaned but followed Belle over to the rack that the set was on and watched as she pulled out the right size. It came in purple, black and green, but somehow green was the color I was being forced into. At least green looked good on me, even if I looked a bit like I belonged in a Christmas magazine.

“Jericha? Are you listening to me? You should wear this outfit. It’s a perfect way to help celebrate the way Belle would want you to. She would be proud to see you wearing this outfit with a young man as nice as Zachary.”

I frowned at my mom’s description of Zack before shamelessly changing in front of her. The corset was a bit tighter than I remember it being, but it still fit. It was a miracle. My reflection looked back at me with uncertain eyes and a smile lacking happiness. Belle had been right about one thing; this outfit makes me look like a knockout, especially when I put stilettos on with it. The doorbell rang and my mom smiled before going downstairs to get it. My stomach churned because I knew who it was at that door. Zach would be standing down there waiting for the door to open. Then he’d come up here and see the mess I’d made in my search for the right outfit. I shuffled around the room gathering up the last of my earlier disaster and successfully shoved it in my closet with seconds to spare.

There was a light tapping on my bedroom door and he poked his head in. I watched his eyes fill with an amazed look, almost as if he didn’t believe I could be so… well… hot. He looked at my outfit and grinned when he met my eyes. Apparently he approved of the outfit. Zack stepped into the room in a nice button up shirt and jeans with nice shoes. He had a fancy looking watch on his wrist and his class ring was actually on his finger. At least I hadn’t overdressed for the occasion, whatever it may be. Well, maybe I had, but at least he was dressed up too.

“So… where exactly are we going?”

“Well… since we both seemed to be dressed for partying, I’m going to assume Belle liked
partying?”

“Yeah, she loved going out to parties. She and Nichole dragged me out dancing a few times.”

“So it’s completely okay that I thought about taking you to a dance club tonight then?”

“Sure. I mean… Belle would have loved to go dancing.”

“Good. Are you ready to go? Or is there something you need to do first?”

Looking around my room, my eyes took in the makeup that I had left scattered on the bed earlier. All of my Urban Decay lay off to one side because I didn’t like it getting mixed in with the rest of the makeup. The stilettos I had on were a bit stiff from not being worn in almost a year and I wasn’t exactly sure how much my feet were going to like me when the night was over. But when I looked back at Zack, I knew that the pain would be well worth it. Grabbing the small clutch I had put my money, phone and fake ID in, I walked over to him and smiled slightly. I suddenly felt the butterflies in my stomach going crazy. They had been perfectly fine only seconds before. Now that I was standing next to Zack, I could smell his cologne. It was spicy and sweet at the same time which was a combination that always made me swoon. I leaned up just a little and kissed his cheek before lacing my fingers with his and walking back downstairs.

My mom stood at the bottom of the stairs with a smile on her face. The look in her eyes was one that I would know anywhere because she always had it when I was dressed up. She wanted to take pictures of me in ‘all of my glory’ as she would put it. Thankfully, my mom knew better than to try and make light of why Zack and I were even going out like this in the first place. She knew how hard it was for me to be wearing this outfit and going out when all I wanted to do was sit in my room and cry.

Zack told my mom he’d have me home at a reasonable time before she shrugged it off. I watched him walk over to talk to her quietly, both of them sending me odd looks while I waited on Zack to come back to me. He gave my mom and a hug before grabbing my hand again and leading me towards his car. After he opened and closed the door for me, I looked around the car. I hadn’t been in it since the school year started and he gave me a ride home from Jack’s party. That was the night I left my jacket in his car, which lead to him getting my phone number. God that seemed like such a long time ago, now that I thought about it.

Two hours later and we were in the middle of a large crowd of bodies dancing together. We’d both had a few shots of tequila to help loosen us up, though we were both sober enough for Zack to be able to drive us home. His hands were on my hips as we both moved to the beat of the fast paced techno song playing. I could feel it in my bones like a second heartbeat as I looked into Zack’s hazel eyes. They were sparkling, much like mine did when I was happy. Not that I wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t exactly excited either. Belle lingered in the back of my mind as a constant reminder of why we were here. And that’s when I saw her. I looked over towards the bar and saw her sitting there with a huge grin on her face as she watched us. It was enough to make my heart stop beating for a few seconds. Belle wasn’t alive and I knew it… so was I really too drunk to realize how truly messed up I was? I stared at that spot, afraid that she’d disappear if I blinked.

“Jericha? Hey, what’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry…”

I shook my head and said a quiet goodbye in my mind before sending a watery smile that way and blinking. Sure enough, as soon as I blinked, Belle was gone. The freaky part is that I could actually feel a part of myself slipping away as I realized that I had probably just seen Belle’s ghost saying a final farewell to me. She had come to say goodbye to me because I hadn’t been able to go to her funeral, I knew it. I stared at the spot for a few moments more before looking at Zack and grinning through the tears welling up in my eyes. How could I possibly explain what I had just experienced without sounding like I was crazy? Leaning up so he could hear me, I asked if we could leave. He nodded and we wound our way out of the crowd and back towards the front door so that we could get out of the club.

“What happened back there? You got all tense and kept staring over by the bar like you’d seen a ghost.”

“Would you believe me if I told you that I think I did?”

“Depends.”

“I saw Belle sitting on one of the stools by the bar. She was watching us dance with a big smile on her face. I could feel her saying a silent goodbye to me before she disappeared,” I said quietly as we got in his car.

Zack reached over to grab my hand as he drove me back to my house. He gave me a reassuring smile and squeezed my hand gently before turning his eyes back to the road. No words passed between us on the drive back to my house, only gestures. Everytime I thought about Belle’s ghost being at the club, my eyes began watering again. Zack always seemed to know when this happened because he would always give my hand a slight squeeze as if to say it were alright.

I walked into my house with my stilettos in one hand and the other one holding onto Zack. He followed my upstairs and to my room where the both of us fell onto the end of my bed and looked at each other. I finally had enough sense to realize that there was no way I was going to be able to sleep in a corset so I forced myself up and over to my dresser, where I grabbed some cotton shorts and a tank top.

“I’ll be right back,” I said softly before going into my bathroom and shutting the door. I changed out of the skirt easily, but the corset was giving me more problems than it had when I put it on. Sticking my head out of the door, I cleared my throat gently to get Zack’s attention. He looked up from my collection of movies and games. “I’m having issues with this corset. Could you maybe untie it for me?” His cheeks turned five different shades of red at the question before he nodded and crossed the room. I stood still as he fumbled with the knot in the ribbon before successfully managing to untie it. Thanking him, I shut the door and changed tops before going back into my bedroom.

Clearing up the little bit of mess left from earlier on, I laid down on my bed and watched Zack quietly moving around my room looking at things. He stopped in front of the drawing I had made of them, a small smile gracing his face. Zack walked over to my bed and sat on the edge of it, a slight frown on his face.

“I should probably head home so you can go to sleep. Did you have fun tonight?”

I simply nodded and watched him stand up to leave. He slid his shoes back on and started to walk out of my bedroom when I made my decision. “Zack,” I called out quietly. He stopped and looked back at me, a curious look on his face. “Please don’t leave me. Will you… will you stay with me tonight?” I watched the worry slide through his eyes, as well as the uncertainty before he nodded and came back into my room. Zack slipped off his shoes and dress shirt before looking at me. I gave a gentle nod to the unspoken question of whether or not he could take off his pants without it making things awkward. I didn’t expect him to sleep in jeans because it was uncomfortable even to me.

“Are you sure you want me to stay, Jerri? It’s not just the tequila talking, right?”

“No, it’s not the tequila talking. I don’t want to be alone tonight… please.”

He sighed and lay down beside me with an uncertain smile on his face. I curled up against him and rested my head on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, I could tell that he was nervous about being this close to me. The whole situation felt intimate, even to me. Zack and I had spent a lot of time together lately, most of it consisting of him comforting me, but we had always sat close like this. The only difference was that I had just asked him to stay the night. Maybe that was why this set my heart racing and made any skin touching him feel like it was on fire.

“Go to sleep, Jerri. I’ll be here in the morning, I promise,” he said softly as he ran a hand through my hair. I looked up at him and smiled lazily into those hazel eyes. My eyes drifted towards his lips and I had to resist the urge to lean up and kiss them. He returned the smile and kissed the top of my head before turning off the lamp beside my bed.