Meanwhile in Chicago...

Did you ever have those day where you felt unfierce? The days that all you ever did was want to cry until you couldn’t cry anymore?

Well today was one of those days. The three days after my birthday. I was sobbing like a baby over Patrick Kane. I felt used, stupid, and like a tool. I let my guard down, and now I was a sorry sap. I was sobbing my eyes out. I was crying until I couldn’t breathe. This was the worst feeling in the world. I was finally being played in game I didn’t want to be part of at all.

Katey somehow convinced me to face Patrick. I went to Chicago that day without a fierce look at all. My hair that was usually perfectly styled was it natural wavy mess. My eyes that were always outlined perfect in MAC makeup and twenty dollar mascara was only cover in waterproof mascara that barely held true to its name. My fierce dresses were hidden away in my closet, because my current favourite food Raspberry Sobet made me feel eight pounds heavier. I was in a plan yellow deep v-neck and white shorts when I went to meet up with Patrick that day. I was as American as can be. I wasn’t fierce eurotrash right now. I didn’t want to be.

I met up with Patrick at a river walk close to his condo, I just sat on a bench and we were silent. “Why are you so upset?” He asked me.

“Wow you really do think with your dick don’t you?” I spat back.

“Why are you so upset? We weren’t dating. You have no right be angry or sad.” He said.

“When did you become the judge of if I can be happy or sad? You are a raging dickhead. I hate you so much right now! What is the point of putting so much effort into this, when all you do is want to sleep with me? God Patrick stop being around the fucking bush!” I said so angry.

“What makes you think you are so fucking special? You are just a girl Lizzie. You are girl that thinks she is so fucking special, because she is different. You aren’t special. You are just a normal girl that needs to get over herself.”

“What makes you so fucking special that you get to treat girls they way you do? You play fucking hockey big FUCKING deal. Maybe you need to get over your giant ego and probably a small dick, because your huge ego is probably over compensating for something!”

“I don’t have to take this shit.”

“Right you don’t have to take this shit, because you are Patrick Kane. You can get girls at a drop of a dime.” I stood up. I started to cry, because I couldn’t take it anymore. “You know Patrick from a girl and not a girl that likes can I just say I know there is something more to you than being a manwhore. I know there is, and who ever can get you from away from that stuff should become an instant saint.” I cried looking at him. “You may never realise what you do Patrick but the things you do to girls will hurt them and make them cry like it does me. You are a raging dick. Why do you act like one? How would you like it if someone treated your sisters the way you treat girls? Do you want your sisters to be treated like you treat me or any other girl?”

“Eurotrash stop...” His face said changing.

“No! I won’t stop Patrick! I try to find the best in people. I’m trying to understand how I somehow did you wrong that you treat me like rubbish! What I was acting like wasn’t rubbish Patrick. I never in my life acted different towards you, because you were some hockey player. I’ve acted the same way I have been acting since I’ve met you. Do you treat people this way as a safety guard to protect yourself? Are you afraid of what you feel in your gut when you get close to someone?” We just looked at each other and I just started to sob even harder. “Say something Patrick, please.”

“I’m sorry.” He said.

“You fucking coward.” I said charging off wiping my eyes. I walked away and found a different river walk. I sat on a bench and just cried. “GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ELIZABETH! WHY DID YOU LET HIM IN!” I said slamming my hand on the wooden bend. I just cried. “You are so fucking stupid there is a reason you should only stick to figure skating and school.” I said talking out loud to myself to calm down.”How stupid are you. You were trained on this subject way before any of this happened, but he isn’t a fucking FOOTBALLER!” I said flipping shit and standing up, because my angry and sadness was getting the best of me.I need to blow money to make me feel better. A lot of money to be exact, but luckily I had that on me. I went to walk up the stairs and then I saw Patrick looking at me. “What are you just gonna fucking follow me? Do you get some sick fucking enjoyment out of this?” I said looking at him.

“You were trained in this subject what subject is that?” Patrick asked me.

“This Patrick. I was trained on the subject of when I got older what I’m capable of doing if I ever encountered an athlete. I’m a twenty. I’m young. I knew how to press your buttons the day I met you. However, I threw the rule book out the window when I met you. I only knew what to do to footballers. I’m a eurosnob remember? I watch soccer.”

“You are monster that is what you are... Who trains someone on what to say or do when it comes to stuff like this? Not eurosnobs, not anyone besides gold digging sluts who are just after stories to tell and money.”

“I wasn’t after any of that with you. My friend taught me what to do when I was seventeen year old awkward as hell girl! Do you think I really care what it with you Patrick? I wouldn’t be screaming at you or fighting with you, because that is a rule that must never be broken. I broke every rule. I never lied to you about anything! I would never lie to you. You want the truth Patrick?!” I screamed back at him.

“Oh this gonna be good.”

“My name is Elizabeth Anka Czech. I live in a Polish part of town. I’m only twenty, and well kind of a train wreck. I’m a figure skater who when you ask her who wants nothing more in the world is to be able to see it more. I love this city so much, because really this is the only thing I’ve ever known. I don’t talk to guys ever. I shelter myself away from them, because I know you always end up hurt. Katey begged me to show up to meet you. I didn’t want anything to do with you. Then I showed up, and I saw a side of you that well... That wasn’t the Patrick Kane everyone ever talked about. I thought you were gonna be different, but you really aren’t different...” I said crying again. He look changed from extremely angry at me to I just wanted to jump into the river. “I’m nice person Patrick I would never ever fuck you over, because unlike some girls you meet I don’t have the heart to do such a thing. I would never hurt you, because you are some stupid hockey player and it is a game. You are a human being just like me that has feelings”

“Elizabeth....” he said unsure of what to say.

“Stop faking emotions Patrick and man the fuck up for once. This isn’t a game anymore. This never was a game to me. I would never play you as a fool. I’m leaving. I’m going to do the one thing that will make me feel sane again.” I said walking up the stairs and leaving him there.

I knew I wasn’t gonna make Patrick Kane fall in love with me. I knew deep down Patrick Kane was never ever gonna be able to love a human being like me ever. It wasn’t our different worlds that made it impossible. It was his incapability to believe the things he did to girls actually hurt them.

I walked down the streets of Chicago that day with a chip on my shoulder. I walked into Zara that day feeling unfierce. I wanted nothing more than to just shop and fill my head with colour schemes and patterns. I didn’t want to think about him, but even after blowing two hundred dollars at Zara my brain was still focused on one thing....

Patrick Kane.