Emotions Run Wild

She ran from me, I scared her and now I would most likely never see her again. I would never experience the joy of feeling my own feelings when she was around; and all because I am a monster.

“We have to leave,” speaking from a corner Edward didn’t look up, didn’t look at any of us. “I can’t risk Bella anymore. You were right, it’s too dangerous around us.” I felt his grief over leaving Bella; Emmett’s displeasure and Rose’s smug, I knew this was going to happen feelings were almost contagious.

I wanted to feel my own feelings in this moment. I wanted to chase Scarlet down, explain to her what had happened.

We left right after soon, everything was gone and then we were gone.

The months pasted slow, dull almost lifeless. Or I suppose completely lifeless since we were dead things, masquerading as humans.

Through the months, I helped Esme with her décor, spent days hunting and noticed the distance developing between me and Alice.

It was four months after we left when I had returned from one of my hunting trips that I realized Alice was gone. Esme said she had gone to check on something from a vision; a vision she hadn’t told me about.

I waited for days for her to return and then we received a call from Edward. He was back in Forks and informed us that he was staying.

And then we were back, but Alice hadn’t come back, instead I had a letter waiting for me in her handwriting.

My beloved Jasper,

I know you are most likely for me to come home. But I won’t be. I have decided that no matter how great my love is for you, there will always be the chance that someone will come along and I will lose you to them and the worst part of that is I will see it before it happens and it will haunt me.

I know I should have told you my vision of her arrival; I saw the two of you as friends and then as lovers. She would replace me in your heart and you would feel your own love for her.

Yes, I said your own. I have had my suspicion over the last four months no since her arrival, that what you felt for me was just my love for you.

I am so sorry Jasper, but receiving my love back through you just isn’t enough anymore. I wish you luck with whatever relationship you get from her.
All of my love,
Alice

Those words crushed what hope I had in myself. I fought going back and in the end I was standing in our old bedroom alone. Everyone was happy to be home but I, I wished I could feel my pain, my anguish.

But there was nothing.