Living Life in a Downward Spiral

I had stayed at Evan's grave for a few hours. I was now back in my room, laying in the middle of my floor. No one had come up to talk to me or anything, so maybe they had finally gotten the message.

I have nothing left to give,
I have found the perfect end,
You remain to make it hurt,
Disappear into the dirt,
Carry me to heavens arms,
Light the way and let me go,
Take the time to take my breath,
I will end where I begin,
And I will find the enemy within,
Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin,

Dear agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's gotta be?
Dear agony

Suddenly the lights go out,
Let forever drag me down,
I will fight for one last breath,
I will fight until the end,
And I will find the enemy within,
Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin,

Dear agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's gotta be?
Don't bury me
Faceless enemy
I'm so sorry
Is this the way it's gotta be?
Dear agony

Leave me all alone
God let me know
I'm blue and cold
Black sky will burn
Love tore me down
Hate lift me up
Just turn around
There's nothing left
Somewhere far beyond this world
I feel nothing anymore

Dear agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's gotta be?
Don't bury me
Faceless enemy
I'm so sorry
Is this the way it's gotta be?
Dear agony

I feel nothing anymore

"Well, that's a depressing song." I looked up to see Sarah standing in the door way.
"No, it holds truth." I mumbled, sitting up and bringing my legs to my chest.

She sighed, coming to sit down next to me. "Come out with me tonight."

I looked at her with wide eyes. "Excuse me?"

"I'm serious. There's this party tonight, it'll be fun."

I shook my head, standing up. "I don't need your charity, Sarah."

She frowned. "It's not charity. Is it so bad that I want to hang out with my cousin?"
"We haven't hung out in the past six years, Sarah. At a party, none the less." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Everyone's worried about you, Stef." She said softly.

And there's the truth surfacing

"You barely talk to anyone. It's like you're off in your own little world."

I shrugged. "I don't have much to say."

"But you used to. When Evan was around, you were a total chatter box." I winced when she said his name. "Just because he's gone doesn't mean you have to stop living too, Stef."

I sent her a harsh look. "You don't know anything, Sarah." I hissed.

She gave me a pleading look. "Please just come tonight. I'll take you home if you want to leave early. Please, just give it a try."

I looked down at the floor, shuffling my feet. "I don't even know what to wear. You heard your friends at the barbecue."

"Hey." She touched my arm, making me look up. "That's what I'm here for. I can help you with that. Ignore them, they were just being bitchy."

"Were? They always are."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know."

"Then why do you hang out with them?"

She put her hands on her hips. "Don't go changing the subject. Now get over to your closet and let's throw something together. We only have an hour."

An hour later, and we were walking down the stairs. I couldn't help but feel self conscious in the outfit she had picked out for me. "Stop fidgeting, you look good." Sarah said, giving me an assuring smile.

"Whoa." Uncle Johnny said, his eyes widening when we walked into the living room.

"I told you." I sighed to Sarah as I tried to make a run for it back upstairs.

"No! No, I didn't mean it in a bad way. You look really cute." Uncle Johnny said, giving me a small smile.

"Who looks cute?" Uncle Matt asked, walking with everyone else.

Great, just make me feel even more awkward.

"Aw, you look great." Aunt Leana squealed, pulling me into a hug.

"Won't you be cold?" Uncle Jimmy frowned, looking at my shorts.

"Leave the poor girl alone. The shorts look great with that top, Hun." Aunt Val said, flashing me a smile.

"Yeah, that's my point." Uncle Jimmy grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. That's when all of the uncle's seemed to catch on.

"Time to go!" Sarah said, grabbing my hand, before dragging me out of the house.

The whole time she was driving, I was sure I was going to have an anxiety attack or something. I couldn't believe I had let her talk me into this. Had I actually let her talk me into it? Wait... No! She just dragged me around the a damn rag doll. All of it was such a blur...

"Don't worry, Stef. Greg's going to be there too. You have nothing to worry about." She said, once we pulled up to a house.

Well, looks like everyone got their wish. I was actually going out and socializing tonight.

"If you lose me at anytime, I have my phone on. So just call or txt me." She said as we started walking through the already crowded house.

After about an hour or so, I was past the point of feeling miss placed. It was horrible. Everyone kept shooting me weird looks, like I was some kind of alien that didn't belong here. I kept telling Sarah I felt uncomfortable, but she kept trying to reassure me that it was all in my head. Yeah, all in my head, my ass.

"Well, well, well. Looky who we have here." Chills ran down my spine when I heard his voice.