Living Life in a Downward Spiral

I simply stood there with my arms crossed and staring blankly at the floor. "Stef, why don't you come sit down," Uncle Matt said softly.

"I'm fine."

"Stefanie," Uncle Brian said, pretty much telling me I had no choice and to just sit down. So, I chose the chair because it wasn't near anyone. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees.

"So... There were a lot of things were said earlier-"

"By accident," Zack said, cutting off Gena. I honestly can't call them Mom and Dad right now... I have no idea what to even think right now.

"It was still said and it needs to be cleared up," she said, giving him a hard look.

"Nothing needs to be cleared up. Everything is point blank clear; I'm not your guys' biological daughter. That's why Zack's always been sort of distant with me, almost as if holding a grudge of some sort. So why keep me? If all these problems, why keep me around?! Why not just put an end to the continuous torture and burden?"

"Stefanie, that's enough," Uncle Brian snapped, glaring at me. He's never glared at me before... It sent chills down my spine.

"If I wasn't wanted, then why keep me around?!"

"Who said you weren't wanted, Stef?" Zack asked. It seemed like there was hurt in his eyes. I had no idea why he was hurt by that.

"You didn't have to say it," I whispered as my chin trembled slightly. I could feel my eyes burning, and I hated it. I didn't want to cry, but there was no holding it back this time. There was too much pain that needed to be let out.

"You have no idea what it felt like when I saw the pride you had in Dean, but you didn't have that same gleam in your eyes with me. You don't know how it felt when it seemed like you loved him so much more than me. I really have always felt out of place. It never felt like I was really your daughter. Mom was the that gave me as much love and affection as she could, almost as if she was making up for you."

The tears were streaming down my face now, and my chest was tightening. "I've always felt closer to my uncle's than I have you. I felt like Uncle Matt or Brian were more of a father than you. And every day I would ask myself what in the hell I always did wrong to make you not want me. What was so wrong with me for you not to want me as your daughter."

I couldn't look at him anymore. I burried my face into my legs and cried. I couldn't stop the tears as they continued to stream down my face as my chest got tighter and tighter. I knew there was something always missing or wrong. Well... Guess I know what that is now.

I felt someone picking me up, then sitting down and pulling me close to them. "Don't you ever think I didn't want you. I always wanted you, even when I found out you weren't biologically mine. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to pull my head out of my ass. I never knew I was acting like that and that was how you felt. You should have told me, Baby." He kissed the top of my head and held me even closer. "I'm so, so sorry," he whispered, rocking us back and forth. I could have sworn I felt tears on the top of my head...

This was a rare moment where I actually felt comforted and wanted in my father's arms. I just wanted to stay curled up in his arms forever. I finally felt like nothing else could ever hurt me.