Living Life in a Downward Spiral

I was still in Dad's arms, my eyes were sore from crying and I was tired. Everyone had staid quiet, then moved to the kitchen a little while later. Now it was just the two of us left in the living room.

"I'm sorry everything came out like this, Baby," he whispered, kissing the top of my head.

I shook my head slightly, trying to tell him not to worry about it right now, but I was too tired to form any kind of words.

"Do you want to go lay down upstairs?" He asked softly. I simply nodded my head. "Okay, Sweetie." I felt him stand up, me in his arms, as he headed for the stairs. "God, you're too fucking light," he sighed, shaking his head.

He laid me down in my bed a few minutes later, and made sure I was comfortable. When he was about to leave, I stopped him by grabbing his hand. "Stay," I whispered, not wanting him to leave yet. For some reason, I felt that need to have my dad back. Even with everything going on right now, I just wanted him to hold me like he was down stairs. I felt more comforted and loved than ever.

He smiled, before laying down next to me. "I forgot how comfortable your bed is," he said, laughing slightly.

I smiled, shaking my head. "Well, the last time you laid down with me was when I was eight."

He nodded, remembering the time. "That's when you were having your nightmares."

"And you would sing me to sleep..."

He pulled me closer to him, so that I could snuggle up to him and lay my head on his chest. "I love you so much, Baby Girl, I really do. No matter what has happened, no matter whathas been said, nothing will change that. And I am so sorry that I haven't been the best dad in the world. I'm sorry if you ever felt that I didn't love you or that I didn't care about. But, Baby, I do. I love you with all of my heart. You're my baby girl no matter what, you are my daughter. Nothing will change that." I looked up at him, when I felt tears on the top of my head.

"Daddy..." I whimpered, as my bottom lip trembled.

I burried my face into his chest. He wrapped his arms tighter around me, holding me close as possible. "I love you, Baby."

We staid like that for a long time. At some point, he started singing to me softly, as he rubbed my back soothingly. Nothing else had to be said at the moment. I think we were both afraid that words would just ruin the sudden peace we were having.

There was a quiet knock on the door, before Uncle Brian walked in. When he saw Dad and I, he just smiled. "You guys weren't in the living room, so I figured you had to be up here," he said, walking over and leaning against one of the bed posts. "So... Is there any more room in that bed for me?"

I laughed softly, giving him a look. "It's a queen bed, what do you think?"

He slipped off his shoes, before he laid down on the other side of me. "Are we finally making up..." He said softly, laying on his side as I rolled onto my back so I could look at both of them.

"I guess you could say that..." I said softly. Dad smiled, kissing my forehead.

"Good, I hate seeing you two go through this." I looked at Uncle Brian to see him frowning.

"Me too..." I muttered, closing my eyes. It was quiet, before they were both kissing my cheeks. I opened my eyes, and looked at the two of them like they were on crack. "What was that for?" I asked, laughing lightly.

"So that you know we all love you," Dad said, gently moving some bangs out of my face.

"I love you guys too, no matter what..." I just stared at Dad for a little bit, before I finally let out what has been nawing at me for the last half hour. "I'm sorry, Daddy," I said, barely over a whisper.

"For what, Baby?" He asked, confused.

"For being such a pain in the ass about all of this. I really do love you so much, even if you aren't my dad by blood. You are my dad no matter what."

I saw tears well up in his eyes, before he pulled me into a tight hug. "You're not being a pain in the ass, Baby. You're taking this like anyone would."

"Probably a little bit better than someone else would," Uncle Brian said. "But we're all here for you, Stef. We always will be." I suddenly felt him snuggle up to me from behind. So, basically, I was sandwiched between him and Dad. I just laughed, shaking my head.

A miunte later, the door opened, and Uncle Matt walked in. "Aw, look at that, a Stefi Sandwich," he cooed. "I remember those days."

I gave him a weird look. "What days?"

"You don't remember?" Dad asked, looking down at me. I just shook my head, confused. "Well, when the girls would meet us on tour, they would bring the kids. Since you were the youngest so far, we'd always have to lay you down for your naps. Either you would be ready for a nap, or we'd have to trick you."

"Really?" I asked, not remembering having to be tricked. But, also, I was young so I probably wouldn't remember that...

"Yep, every single time. Your dad, or one of us, or even both of us would lay you down and sing you to sleep," Uncle Brian exlpained.

"Hell, we'd appriciate taking a nap, even. They were fucking nice," Uncle Matt said, laughing.

"So that's why I have to feel like I'm sleeping with someone to feel comfortable..." I said, everything clicking into place. They all laughed and nodded.

"That's why your mom and I got you body pillows for you to sleep with," Dad said. "Even when you were a baby, you were always asleep on one of our chests or just sleeping with us."

"And that's why I'm so close to you crazy fools," I said, smiling at my uncles.

"Damn straight," Uncle Matt said.

I could tell things were getting better... Nothing was going to be the same, ever probably, but at least they're heading in a better direction than before. Things were laid out on the table, so we would have to work through them. But finally, I was feeling a better connection with my father again, like when I was little. It wasn't as strong, but at least it was getting better.