Don't Be So Hard on Yourself

The next morning I was dressed in my robes before breakfast and walked myself to the Great Hall. I thought a lot about last night with Draco and it caused me to have trouble sleeping. He is so stupid sometimes, causing trouble left from right. The news about Draco and I being together traveled around the school and I could hear their whispers about us. Mostly, why is Draco with her? To most people I guess it does look odd, I’m one of the nicer Slytherins and he’s, well, an asshole.

I was eating my food in peace, ignoring all the stares until Draco sat down next to me. He kissed my cheek for a dramatic effect and I looked at him with a hard stare. “I hate you,” Draco laughed at my words.

“I thought we could come here together, so then maybe Snape could attempt to put us together in our classes,” Draco took the pumpkin juice from my mouth, sipped it before smirking when he handed it back to me. I looked at him with a blank expression before putting a piece of bacon in my mouth.

“Draco, the last five years you’ve ignored me to the point where we were only friends over the holidays, now you want to be with me twenty-four seven, what is your deal?” Draco looked at me with his mouth slightly ajar, I looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Well?”

“I—I just wanted to protect you,” he told me in practically a whisper, I looked at him questionably wondering why he would even want to protect me. So I asked him. “Because, your parents are Death Eaters, Acey, as are mine. Put it together,” I watched his left arm tense and I felt tears quickly swell in my eyes.

“No,” I whispered as a tear fell and Draco quickly brought his hand to my cheek and wiped it away with his thumb. He nodded with a sad half smile and I was going to say something when we felt a presence in front of us. We both looked up to see Professor Snape staring at us with a blank expression.

“Good morning sir,” Draco smiled looking up at Snape and I rolled my eyes saying the same thing.

“Mr. Malfoy, Miss Blake, I never knew you two were so…close,” his bored voice slowly spoke as he looked between Draco and I. I blushed as Draco shrugged. “Anyways, I expect you two want the same classes due to your sudden closeness?” Draco nodded and I shrugged. Snape eyed us up before speaking again. “Blake, I am not surprised that you passed everything you need in order to be a healer. Your grandmother would be so proud,” although his voice was dull, I knew Snape was a little bit happy. Most teachers told me how my grandmother was a wonderful healer. My mother even became a doctor in America. Now she just helps… the Death Eaters. Snape handed me a piece of parchment before looking over to Draco.

“I’ll be happy if I just have the same classes as Blake,” Draco told him and I rolled my eyes looking over my classes. Herbology, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Potions, Charms and Transfiguration. I could do this no problem.

“Mr. Malfoy, you barely scraped an Acceptable in Charms, are you sure you want to take Charms at N.E.W.T level?” I looked up to see Snape staring at Draco with some sort of unreadable expression. The tone in his voice was slightly alarming. It was like Snape didn’t want Draco to take more classes than he should.

“Just let me take the classes with her, sir,” Draco’s voice was slightly menacing and I looked over to him with wide eyes. “Draco,” I hissed to get his attention but Snape just slammed Draco’s classes on the table before walking away. Draco looked at me before picking up his classes.

“So, what do you want to do during our free period after lunch?” I rolled my eyes before getting up to go back to my room to get my books. Draco followed. “Seriously Acey, what is your problem?”

“What was that with Snape? You pissed him off, for what? Just to get stupid classes with me? What’s the point you’re not going to be here next year and I actually want to be a healer,” I was pissed, that was for sure. Since the hallways were empty, I was free to say what I wanted to Draco. Draco grabbed my wrist and made me stop walking.

“You might not either, so why do you care about being a healer?” He asked staring at me with his gray eyes looking back and forth between my brown ones.

“Who’s going to heal the Death Eaters when my own mom dies?” I asked him with tears in my eyes again. Draco pulled me into his chest holding me close as he stroked my hair with one hand. He rested his jaw above my head and I could feel him breathing as I held back tears.

“It’s okay to cry, Acey,” I heard him say in a soft tone and I shook my head as to say no. I was too stubborn. I did enough crying when I found out that the Dark Lord had returned. And the same when I watched my mother heal the wounds my father got on his mission to have the Giants join the Dark Lord’s army. I’m sick of crying and fearing for my life and the lives of those I care about.

“We should get our books for Charms,” I told him before pushing him away softly and we began our walk back to the Slytherin common room. “I’m fine Draco, stop staring at me,” I felt his eyes bore into my back and I heard him sigh.

“Everything will be better once the Dark Lord has taken over,” he whispered into my ear, I nodded meekly before whispering the password. Draco and I walked into the entrance to the Slytherin dormitories before splitting between the guy’s and girl’s dormitories to get our books. I grabbed my things for both Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts, I met Draco in the common room and I watched him take my books.

“I thought I’d be, well, a—uh good boyfriend?” I laughed a little at Draco’s obvious confusion. I saw his pale cheeks turn a slight shade of pink; I smiled before grabbing a free hand of his.

“You’re a gentleman, Draco,” Draco gave me a small smile before we began our walk to Charms. We walked into the room with other Slytherins. Draco and I passed Pansy as she eyed us up, we sat down next to each other as Crabbe and Goyle sat behind us. Pansy ended up moving her seat so she sat next to Draco. Draco looked at her before looking over to me with disgust on his face. I giggled a little loudly before Professor Flitwick stood on top of his pile of books at the class.

“Welcome to Charms, N.E.W.T students!” I rolled my eyes before looking at Draco to make a weird face at him to represent Professor Flitwick. This only made Draco snort into laughter and Flitwick stared at us. “Miss Blake, Mr. Malfoy, do you two have something to share?”

“No sir,” I told him with my nicest smile and Flitwick just smiled before carrying on with what we will be doing in Charms this term.

“I can’t believe I’m taking this class for you,” Draco whispered into my ear as I took notes and I looked up to see how close Draco was to my face.

“You’re the one who wants to protect me,” I whispered back, biting my lip as I looked into his gray eyes. Then the bell rang indicating that Draco and I needed to get down towards the fourth floor where Snape held his Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Draco again took my books and grabbed my hand with his free hand; we walked together past Pansy who growled as she walked behind us. We walked into Snape’s class room to see that the Golden Trio were already seated together. I rolled my eyes as I led Malfoy past them towards the back on the Slytherin side. Snape began talking about the Dark Arts and I could see Malfoy snickering every time Snape would look at Harry Potter.

“I don’t see why we even need this class,” I whispered to Draco who just looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Do we really need to defend ourselves from something we happen to be apart of by default?” Draco just frowned before shrugging. I could see the fear in his eyes and I knew something was wrong.

“You will now divide,” Snape told gathering Draco and my attention, “into pairs. One partner will attempt to jinx the other without speaking. The other will attempt to repel the jinx in equal silence. Carry on.” Draco and I stood up with our wands in our hands, I stared at him with a smirk on my face and he looked at me.

Silently we began attempting our jinxes, I managed to block Draco and Snape noticed. “Excellent, Miss Blake, ten points for Slytherin,” Snape muttered as he walked past. I held a smug smile on my face as I noticed Hermione Granger staring up at me with a scowl on her face. Draco went to give me another jinx and in my head I thought expelliarmus and Draco’s wand flew from his hand.

“What? Why? Acey!” He whined and I couldn’t help but laugh. He frowned before picking up his wand and walked up to me. “When did you learn how to do this so well?” He whispered.

“I did this all summer with Bella, Draco,” I informed him. Draco’s mouth dropped a little and I smiled, “you’re not the only one letting Bellatrix Lestrange teach you something, Draco.”

“How did you know she’s teaching me Occlumency?” He whispered and I shrugged.

“I overheard Mom and Dad talking about it one day, your mother had sent them an owl saying that you are being taught Occulmency from Bella. So then that day we went to your house, I asked Bella if she could help me with nonverbal spells.” I spoke as if it wasn’t anything serious but Draco’s face said it was.

“Well, why didn’t you ask her to teach you Occlumency so, well you know, can’t read your thoughts and memories?”

“Because I was going to ask someone else teach it to me,” I told him which caused his brow to furrow. I was about to elaborate but Potter decided to yell protego towards Snape. Draco and I watched as Snape yelled at Harry and eventually gave him detention. The class was over and I told Draco I’ll meet him back in the common room for break. Draco nodded, kissing my forehead before leaving which caused Pansy to scoff. I approached Snape at his desk, he was turned around and I didn’t say anything until he spoke.

“Yes, Miss Blake?” He turned around to look at me, his eyes showed a little bit of emotion behind them.

“Professor, sir, I was wondering if you could teach me Occlumency, much like you did with Potter,” I wasn’t afraid of Snape. He wasn’t the Dark Lord. He wasn’t one to be afraid of.

“Why do you wish to do this, Miss Blake?” There was no doubt that Snape was surprised but he held a small smirk on his usually straight face.

“Well, why else? I want to be a better witch, sir, so I can prove myself to my parents and to the Dark Lord, sir.” I watched Snape with a straight face. He studied me before smiling a little bit.

“You are a brave, girl, Acey, what did that Sorting Hat tell you five years ago?” I looked up at him with a small quizzical face but I answered his question.

“Potential in every house, you are brave like a Gryffindor and intelligent like a Ravenclaw. You are loyal like a Hufflepuff but I must put you in,” I quoted before smiling at Snape who knew that the Sorting Hat then screamed out Slytherin.

“Fine I will teach you Occlumency every Wednesday at 8 o’clock, I will send you a message if something comes up,” I nodded before leaving the room after thanking Snape. I practically ran back to the Slytherin common room but I ran into Blaise on the way there.

“Whoa, Princess, where are you going so fast?” He smirked and I felt myself roll my eyes at the nickname he gave me. I was no where near a princess.

“Shut up, Zabini, I was heading to the common room to see Draco,” I spoke in a matter-of-fact tone which just made Blaise laugh a little.

“Well come on then, Princess, let’s go,” I rolled my eyes but we began our walk back to the Slytherin common room. We were met by a few other Slytherin sixth years and seventh years, Draco smiled before grabbing my hand and taking me to the couch.

“So did he say yes?” Draco asked, I nodded with a smile on my face. I was proud he caught on to what I was saying earlier. “Good, you’ll need it.”

“Draco, I just want to be a better witch, that is all,” I told him truthfully. That is why I took so many classes in the years before; I took most of the classes offered except for Muggle Studies. Why would anyone want to take that class in the first place?

“You’re an amazing witch, Acey, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” he told me and all I could do was stare into his eyes. They held truth in them. I heard Pansy’s laugh from the girl’s dorm so I quickly grabbed Draco’s face and kissed him fiercely. But something inside of me didn’t care if Pansy was coming or not, a part of me just wanted to be close to Draco. To touch Draco… to kiss Draco. That part of me jumped when Draco kissed back, his hands finding my long hair and tangling themselves in it.

“Oh, snogging alert, everyone clear the room before it gets…nasty,” I heard Blaise say with amusement in his smooth voice. I broke from Draco, staring at him with my eyes wide and my mouth slightly opened. Draco stared back before getting up and walking out of the common room. “Where is he going?” I looked over to Blaise and I just shrugged.

“He probably thought of something that he forgot,” I shrugged. Pansy laughed from behind me for before walking where Draco ran off to. “She really needs to stay away from him,” I growled gripping my wand with my right hand and I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder. Blaise shook his head with a sad smile.

“Don’t hit first, if you hit second you can say its self defense,” Blaise informed and I nodded sighing loudly before getting up to go to my room. I mumbled to myself quietly before I noticed one out of my three roommates, Kelsi Esley.

“Hey, Kels, what do you have next?” Kelsi looked up at me with a small smile on her face. She held up a book that read Advanced Rune Studies. I held a disgusted face as I sat down on my bed.

“I know you hated that class but I need it, you know,” I nodded knowing that she wanted to travel the world and find hidden treasures and learn more about things I couldn’t even fathom. “I even have Care for Magical Creatures on Wednesdays.” She told which didn’t help my disgusted face grow less disgusted.

“You’re crazy, Kelsi, but hey you would need to know that if you run into some random beast in the middle of Romania, like a dragon,” I shrugged before getting up and went to the mirror. “Should I straighten or curl my hair?” I asked with my wand in hand staring at my brown hair before looking back at Kelsi who studied my face.

“I say curl it slightly,” I nodded before muttering a simple spell and taking my wand over my hair. I watched my hair curl in very small yet loose curls. I smiled at myself, thanking Kelsi before saying goodbye and going back to the common room.

“Blaise! Please tell me you have a free period right now,” Blaise stared at me before smirking slightly.

“I have a free period, why?”

“I wanted someone to hang out with,” I smiled before sitting on the couch noticing that Draco had left my books on the table. I grabbed my Charms book and my parchment from my bag and began doing my homework.

“And yet you do your homework,” Blaise told sitting next to me with a book of his own in his hand. I rolled my eyes before turning to him.

“Of course, so I can do more important things later on,” Blaise rolled his eyes at my statement before opening his own book and began doing his homework too. Eventually he’d ask me a few questions but for the most part we were quiet while doing homework.

Once our free period was over, Blaise and I got our things for Potions and I couldn’t find Draco. “Where the hell is Draco?” I asked which only made Blaise shrug. “Whatever,” I mumbled and we walked ourselves towards the Great Hall for lunch. Draco was sitting with Crabbe and Goyle at the end of the table. I took a seat next to him which made him jump and look at me surprised.

“Hey, boyfriend,” I grumbled the last word which made Draco smile nervously. “So what was that back there?” Draco didn’t answer me and I started to get mad. “Are you going bloody tell me or am I gonna have to curse you?” I asked, using an English slang that I only ever used when I was trying to filter my language. Draco looked at me and shook his head.

“Why did you kiss me like that? It… felt different,” he was careful with his words. No one at the table paid any mind to us but we still talked in hush voices.

“I don’t know Draco, I thought it was just pretend,” I watched him nod and a part of me shrank a bit. Why did that hurt?

“I can’t lie to you, Acey, that felt nice,” Draco’s face was dangerously close to mine and I looked up at him as my breathing felt shallow. “Why do I feel like this around you now?”

“What do you mean Draco?”

“Why do I feel like I need you next to me, at all times?” I shook my head slowly but Draco closed his eyes and moved away. “I don’t get it.”

“Maybe because I’m the only one who knows the most about you,” I whispered which caused Draco to look at me, his eyes seemed warm despite their cool color.

“Let’s not talk about this here,” he leaned closer so his lips were barely touching my ear, “meet me in the Room of Requirements at midnight. Think of me and you’ll get in.” I nodded which I could feel Draco’s smile against my ear before he moved to kiss my temple.