Don't Be So Hard on Yourself

The weeks went by, the many free periods I had were spent studying and doing all the homework our teachers had assigned. This year was getting hard but I was able to keep up. My lessons with Snape were getting harder; trying to block someone out of your mind was draining. I’d usually come back to the common room drained; physically, mentally and emotionally. Draco would hold me on the couch as I told him about my lesson. Like at the moment, he’s holding me close to him as I tell him my progress.

“He saw my memory of when I saw my dad being healed by my mom. I blocked him out after about a second of it, I felt like crying. I hate thinking about that. Seeing my dad so bloody, he was barely able to Apparate home.” Draco held on to me tighter, I tried hard not to cry.

“Bella did most of the same things with me, Occlumency isn’t easy baby, but you just got to try.” I nodded looking up to kiss the bottom of Draco’s jaw. I watched him smile as he looked down at me. “Bella saw when Granger punched me in the face. She wouldn’t let it go for days,” I laughed a little knowing how much he hated thinking that she punched him.

“Awh poor Draco,” I muttered before smiling up at him, he glared playfully before looking at the dwindling fire.

“Christmas is in a month,” he said in a small voice, I nodded looking down at my hands. Time inched closer to when I was going to be forced to meet with the Dark Lord. “This is why you need to step it up with your lessons, I don’t want to have the Dark Lord controlling you,” I felt him tense up as he spoke and I sat up.

“I know Draco, I know. And you should be stepping up on your task, I don’t want you to fail,” I held his hand and I watched his face drop.

“I won’t.” He whispered and I yawned which caused him to look at me. “It’s time for bed for you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I nodded as he kissed my forehead.

“Aren’t you going to bed?” I asked in a childish tone, I watched him shake his head. I felt my heart drop. He wasn’t going to sleep so he could work on the Cabinet. “Draco, you need sleep. I could see the dark circles under your eyes become darker with each day,” I stood up as he did and I made him look at me.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me, I’ll see you in Transfiguration tomorrow.” I nodded before reaching up to kiss his lips for a short peck before going up to my room. As soon as my head hit my pillow I fell asleep.

I heard a crash come from downstairs; I sat straight up in my bed and tried to calm myself down. I heard more crashing before I ripped my blankets off and set my bare feet on the ground. I slowly crept out of my room and down the hall. Moving pictures of my family watched me as I moved down the hall. I walked down three stairs before leaning forward. I peeked through the banisters of the stairs to see my father lying flat on his back, gasping for air as blood stained the white carpet. I gasped bringing my hand to my mouth and chest as my mother ran for her wand in a hysterical mess.

“How did you get here, Damon, how did you Apparate in this state?” I heard my mother say as she brought her wand over my father. She studied his wounds and I watched his breathing slow and a light blue almost white light come from the tip of her wand. She whispered a song-like incantation and the blood slowly seeped from the floor back into my father.

She opened his dress shirt and examined the wounds. Three large gashes slowly disappear under my mother’s wand as she whispered another incantation. She then left my father’s side and I studied him. His nose was broken, along with an arm and I reached for my wand by my side. With a small flick of my wand and a whisper, “episkey,” the broken bones were mended. I quickly stood up and ran back to my room before my mother noticed.

I laid down on my bed, my heart racing and my mind spinning. I held my wand tightly before saying “lumos,” and I illuminated my room to find a quill and piece of parchment. I began writing a letter to Draco, asking him what was going on and what happened to my father. But when I turned to look at my owl, sleeping soundly, I grabbed my letter and ripped it up into tiny little pieces before whispering another spell to light the parchment on fire. I felt tears fall down my cheeks before crawling back into bed.

Whatever was going on, it wasn’t good.

I woke up gasping, looking over to Kelsi who was staring at me with frightened eyes. “What happened?” She whispered and our other two roommates just muttered and groaned in their sleep but did not wake up.

“It was just a bad dream, Kels, it’s nothing. I’m going to calm down,” I told her before watching her nod and fall back to sleep. I slowly crept out of my room, wearing only a black tank top and black, silver and green flannel pajama pants. I walked down to the common room, the small fire barely lit the already dim room but I could make a figure out on the couch. “Draco?” I whispered, creeping closer to the couch and I watched him turn around with a horrified look on his pale face.

“Acey,” his voice held a desperate tone and I quickly ran to his side. He opened his arms and I buried myself inside them, my face into the crook of his neck. “I did something today that should help my task,” he whispered but I didn’t answer him. I didn’t want to know.

“This weekend, come to Hogsmeade with me and take one tiny hour away from your task…for your girlfriend,” I whispered looking up at him but he didn’t look down at me. His eyes set on the fire and I could feel my heart dropping.

“I can’t, Acey, I have to take the opportunity to be alone while people are gone. Especially the teachers,” I nodded even though I was mildly disappointed. “But have fun, without me, go with Kelsi and get some butterbeer. Maybe some sweets from Honeydukes, don’t feel like you need to be weighed down by me.”

I didn’t say anything. I just snuggled into his arms so his embrace was tighter and we sat there for hours, in silence. It wasn’t until other people began waking up and making noise that I got out of Draco’s sleeping embrace and raced back to my room. Kelsi was waiting for me with an expectant face.

“Draco was out there and I guess we fell asleep,” I explained before quickly changing into my uniform and straightening my hair before putting it into a side ponytail. Kelsi still didn’t look satisfied.

“Then what was your dream? Come on, Acey, we may not be best friends but you’re the only person I talk in the house,” I bit my lip. Kelsi is friends with mostly Ravenclaws due to how smart she is and how she gets into classes with them.

“Okay but you can’t tell anyone,” I told her with seriousness etched into my facial features, Kelsi looked at me with an ‘are-you-serious?’ look and I nodded.

“Acey, you know my parents, I know your parents and I know practically everyone in this house’s parents. I highly doubt anything you have to tell me is as bad as their occupations,” I bit my lip again. She had a point. This is why we became fast friends in the first place, much like my other friends; our parents are all Death Eaters. “Acey, just tell me.”

“It was a memory that Snape saw last night,” I whispered, Kelsi raided an eyebrow and I closed my eyes. “He’s teaching me Occlumency, anyways, my dad was on a mission I guess with the Giants and he some how Apparated back home and I woke up after hearing a few crashes. I watched my mother heal him and when she left I fixed his broken bones but I left so I couldn’t get caught. Then I wrote a letter to Draco but I never sent it. I couldn’t send it.” I explained in a fast voice as I grabbed my things for Transfiguration and my left over Herbology homework to do in the library after breakfast.

“My father was on the same mission, but he didn’t come back injured,” Kelsi whispered before we dropped the whole conversation and left our room. I heard Draco call my name when we past through the common room. I turned around to see his tired face attempting to smile.

“I’m going to sleep through breakfast, okay? I’ll meet you in the library before Transfiguration,” I nodded before kissing his lips softly and walking away with Kelsi.

“You know, you never did tell me how you and Draco got together? Last I check you guys weren’t even public friends,” I found myself smiling as I looked over to Kelsi. She really did know a lot about me.

“Originally it was to piss Pansy off but eventually, I guess, we just need each other so he asked me.” I blushed a little, turning my head so Kelsi wouldn’t notice. But she did and she smiled widely.

“And you fell for him,” she mused and I felt my jaw drop. I started to stutter out a rebuttal but Kelsi just laughed. “It’s fine with me, I’m pretty sure he fell for you too.” I blushed again as we walked through the large doors to the Great Hall and we walked to our table chatting about how term is going. I sat down next to Blaise who currently was stuffing his face with pancakes.

“Whoa slow down there, Zabini, no need to choke before we go do our Charms homework,” Blaise rolled his eyes before swallowing to stick his tongue out at me. “Real mature,” I rolled my eyes which caused a laugh out of him and Kelsi.

“So where’s Draco?” Blaise asked before shoving another forkful into his mouth. I made a disgusted face before shrugging.

“He said he was going to sleep. He couldn’t get much last night,” I watched Blaise eye me up and I felt my cheeks get hot and my jaw drop. “Not like that, you idiot! He’s just stressed because of school and his father,” I said the last part in a hushed tone. Blaise nodded before laughing a little.

“I was going to say,” I rolled my eyes and shook my head before grabbing some food for myself. After breakfast, Blaise and I said our goodbyes to Kelsi before walking to the library. “So do you plan on going to Hogsmeade this weekend? I was thinking you could join Nott and me,” I shrugged.

“I guess so, is it okay if I bring Kelsi?” Blaise nodded before looking at me with skeptical eyes.

“What about Draco?” I shrugged; it felt like the tenth time this morning, before I turned to look at him.

“He has a lot of work to do and he thought this weekend would be a perfect time to do it while a lot of people were out visiting Hogsmeade,” I explained and Blaise nodded. We walked into the library, getting a table together. I sat down and opened my Charms book as Blaise set off to find more books about the subject of our homework.

Blaise and I worked together on our two scrolls of parchment essay before Draco came to sit across from me. I looked up at him when he sat down, he looked rested and I was thankful. A part of my mind thought he would have worked on the Vanishing Cabinet instead of sleeping. He barely smiled but I didn’t bother to press him on it. I just simply asked if he was going to start his Charms homework.

“Actually I thought I’d give my girlfriend this,” he handed me an envelope before turning to Blaise, “and Zabini here could get me a book to help me with what’s going on in Transfiguration.” I saw him smirk towards Blaise. Blaise rolled his eyes and laughed a little before getting up and walking around the library. “Okay read it,” Draco pressed and I opened the envelope. The letter was addressed to me in an unfamiliar handwriting.

Acey,

Your mother and father have requested that this coming holiday you stay at Malfoy Manor, I will pick you up along with Draco at the train station. They will be meeting you at the Manor on the day of the Christmas party on Christmas Eve. Your house elf has already sent the things your mother packed and there will be no need for worry.

Narcissa

Ps. I have bought you a dress for the party, your mother told me you will love it so don’t worry.

I looked up to see Draco with a large smile on his face, a very rare smile at that, and I couldn’t help but smile back. I stood up to hug him over the table only to hear a cough from the end of the table. I let go of Draco as fast as I could to see Blaise had returned to give Draco his book. “So you made me leave just so you can snog with your girlfriend?” Blaise asked in an incredulous tone which only made Draco roll his eyes.

“No, I just wanted her to read her letter in private,” he told in a low tone and I put my letter in my bag. Blaise didn’t even bother to press for more on the subject and I just went back to finishing my essay. I wrote a few more paragraphs and I finished by the time the bell rang for Transfiguration. “I’ll take this,” Draco took my books from my hands and I rolled my eyes.

“Stop being a gentleman and be Draco,” I whispered but he just shook his head. I smiled before grabbing his hand and we walked towards Professor McGonagall’s classroom. Today McGonagall wanted us to turn a group of feathers into birds, thankfully I managed to practice this the other night and I was able to make a few birds earning Slytherin a few points.

“I don’t know why you’re so hard on yourself,” Draco started as he gave up on trying to transfigure his feathers. “You’re an excellent witch.” I couldn’t help but blush before kissing him on the cheek fairly quickly. McGonagall barely noticed for which I was grateful for.

“You’re just flattering me. I’m not amazing,” Draco rolled his eyes before grabbing my hand and giving it a small squeeze.

“Don’t be so modest. You’re nothing like your father or mother; if they were complimented they would boast about it.”

“Oh like you?” I asked earning a small smirk from Draco. “You’re so arrogant.” I muttered but Draco just chuckled slightly.

“We attract then,” he whispered in my ear causing me to shiver a little. I looked to him for an explanation but McGonagall stood in front of us.

“Mr. Malfoy, Miss Blake, is there anything you two would like to say in front of the class?” Draco and I shook our heads as some of our fellow Slytherins giggled at our obvious scolding. “Well then, I expect you two to stop talking and do you work or I will give you detention.” McGonagall walked away causing Draco and I to look at each other and laugh quietly.

After class Draco and I walked back to the Slytherin common room to relax a little before starting our homework for Transfiguration and prepare for double Herbology this afternoon. But as soon as I went to say the password, Draco was gone. I rolled my eyes, despite my anger, and walked into the common room. I worked on my homework before Herbology and hoped that Draco wasn’t going to do something stupid.

I can’t bare the thought of losing him.