Don't Be So Hard on Yourself

I walked back into the Three Broomsticks, empty handed, causing each person to stare at me. “Okay we’re going back to the Castle. You obviously aren’t feeling well.” Kelsi told while standing up and both Nott and Blaise helped stand me up. We walked back to the castle in a hurry. I didn’t say anything as we walked. Blaise and Kelsi tried to get me to talk but I couldn’t. We passed the area where Katie rose and fell. I felt my breath hitch in my throat but I didn’t stop.

People were whispering once we entered the castle. Mostly about Katie Bell’s disappearance and a few people even whispered about what they saw. Katie rose into the air about six feet, her arms spread and she screamed a horrible scream. A few of her friends were walking around with tears running down their face. I broke from my friends and told them I’ll meet them in the common room.

“Acey, are you sure?” I looked at Kelsi, Nott and Blaise before nodding. They let me go before I began my search for Draco. A few students stared at me and I couldn’t look them in the eye. Fear set in me that they knew everything. They knew Draco was a Death Eater as well as my parents and that I was next. They all knew. They had to. My paranoia set my heart beating wildly as I started towards the seventh floor.

Hermione, Ron and Harry were exiting Professor McGonagall’s office. Hermoine was turned to Harry, I could tell she was scolding him for something. “I can’t believe you said that, Harry, Draco Malfoy is not a Death Eater.” I froze. I felt my heart beat in my ears and my mouth went dry. Harry believes Draco is a Death Eater. This only pushed my paranoia farther.

“Hermione, it makes sense! His father is a Death Eater it only makes sense that Draco is a Death Eater. Who else would even think about cursing Katie? And making her send a cursed necklace to Dumbledore? It couldn’t be a friend, obviously.” I made a small noise and I instantly regret letting my emotions go. I felt tears swell at my eyes as each pair of eyes looked at me. I felt dirty under their stares. I felt tears begin to fall. “So do you know what your boyfriend’s been doing?” Harry sneered and I shook my head. I felt my body begin to tremble.

“Why would you think that Harry?” I croaked, letting myself move past them and I could hear Hermione yelling after for me. I stopped trying to choke back my tears and I felt her put a hand on my shoulder.

“Acey, don’t listen to Harry. I know Draco wasn’t in Hogsmeade. He’s blinded by revenge, Harry that is.” I looked up to Hermione, despite my blurry tear filled eyes before looking at Harry.

“Thanks Hermione but trying to console me isn’t going to change his mind,” I whispered before sending her a sad smile and walking away. I made my way to the seventh floor and towards the Room of Requirement. I paced back and forth, my mind trying to straighten out and think about what I want the most. I thought about slapping Draco across the face. I shook my head before just asking for Draco. Despite my jumbled mind the door appeared and I walked in. I noticed Draco at the Cabinet and I swallowed the lump in my throat. “How could you!”

Draco turned around, I could see the disappointment in his eyes. I felt more tears fall as I wanted to scream at him more. He didn’t say anything. “How could you be so stupid? Katie could have died Draco! I watched her get tossed in the air and fall to the ground. I watched knowing you did this!” I couldn’t keep my emotions in check. Draco still didn’t say anything. “The necklace was for Dumbledore, why was it for him?” I asked calmer than I did before.

Draco looked away, towards the Cabinet not saying a word. I felt my heart beat slow and drop in my chest. I felt my whole body go numb. The necklace was for Dumbledore. The necklace was meant to kill Dumbledore. Draco has to kill Dumbledore. I shook my head, backing up a little before Draco looked back up at me. He opened his mouth to say something but I shook my head. I clenched my jaw before taking a step and slapping Draco across the face.

“How could you?” I whispered before the tears fell again and I ran out of the Room. I didn’t stop running until I got to my room, I kicked everyone out and just began to cry on my bed. I brought my knees up to my chest and I cried into them. Painful sobs escaped my mouth as I shook and cried. Draco wasn’t a killer. Draco was a sweet boy that I know for a fact I fell head over heels in love with. How can I love him after this?

--

Draco

My cheek stung as I gently brought my hand up to it. I messed up. I know I did. Seeing Acey stand there with tears falling down, looking completely broken just hurt. I felt my heart break at the sight. She was too kind-hearted for this game I’m playing. She doesn’t deserve this life she’s been dealt. She can’t be a Death Eater.

She has too much to live for.

I took the bird I held gently in my hand and placed it into the Vanish Cabinet. I watched it hop around before I closed the door. I whispered the spell that would send the bird to the sister Vanish Cabinet in Borgin and Burkes. I waited a few minutes before whispering the spell to bring the bird back. It was silent. The bird came back dead, I know it did, just like everything else.

I felt my whole body shake as I fell to my knees. Sobs escaped my throat as I kept sinking lower and lower to the ground. I just cried. I feared for my life, my parents’ life and Acey’s life. If I don’t succeed everyone I love is going to die. I need to succeed.

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this alone. I need Acey more than I could even comprehend. I just love her, so much that right now it’s painful.

Don’t give in Draco, I gulped as I looked up. Through blurry eyes I thought I saw him. But that couldn’t be. It was impossible. I blinked again and I figured sleep was starting to play tricks on my mind.

The Dark Lord couldn’t possibly get into Hogwarts, not until I’ve finished my mission.