Because I Love You

The highway hangout. It wasn't really on the highway, more underneath it where there was walls and columns that hung over our heads. The columns had been covered in spray paint graffiti and barrel fires had been made to warm everybody on winter days. There was the occasional ragged furniture that people had brought in from the road to sit on, but other than that most people just stood around the fires and drank or smoked.

Anyways, it was where Jimmy and I came every once in a while because we had nowhere better to go and the Circle K had gotten boring. We would talk to various people; smoke a couple of cigarettes, and drink a few beers. To Jimmy, this place was just another hangout; to me it meant a lot more.

"Allie, trust me this place is cool. Everybody hangs here."

I walked along the dirt road behind Brandy. I spotted a bunch of punks all over the place; there was a smell of smoke in the air, followed by the sounds of cars from the highway above and punk music blasting from a nearby stereo someone had brought. I observed the graffiti on the stone columns and along the walls; there were even some guys already spraying paint all over it when we got there. I saw couples making out and friends talking with each other while they drank. It was the typical scene for a punk to hang out at.

Seemed the type of place Brandy would bring me.

"What's the difference between here and Circle K, may I ask?" I said to Brandy when I caught up with her.

"This place has more people; there's nobody to tell us what to do and we can jam as long as we want. You'll like it after a while, trust me. You just gotta get the vibe of it first."

I watched the pretty, tall brunette stop in front of me. Brandy had long fine hair with streaks of pink and purple through it; her eyes were a nice shade of brown and her complexion was a milky flawless color. At parties, I normally stood by and watch all the guys droll over Brandy; at the parking lot of the Circle K, they all checked her out from afar. It was an odd relationship for two different girls: I was the smart plain one that stood in the shadow of the gorgeous brunette that everyone wanted. I sometimes wished I was a pretty as her, but once I saw her grinding up against a different guy or two, I was glad I wasn’t. Anyhow, I had learned to accept it. When you have friends like Brandy, you have to learn how to deal with it. There’s nothing I could do to change the situation, so why try?

"Why are we coming here again?" I asked her.

"Zeke might be here," She smiled widely; "I wanna talk to him about tonight."

I sighed deeply. Zeke was Brandy's newest boyfriend. When I say 'boyfriend' I mean a guy she has sex with all the time. I assumed she was asking him about where they're gonna do it tonight. Instead of complaining about it, I just followed her when she came to get me from the Circle K. I didn't know what she needed me for though. Zeke would pay attention to her with or without me. She was in her usual short skirt and ripped top. The boots she wore made her legs look longer and her butt nicer. Any guy would look at her.

The guys there could have broken their necks after watching her walk by.

"Oh, Allie! He's here!"

Zeke, a lanky black haired guy with green highlights and super skinny body stood next to a barrel with a cigarette in his mouth. Honestly, I did not see what see saw in the guy. His hair was shaggy and hung over his face; had that ‘I-just-got-high’ expression on his face, and he was just all around gross. I was pretty sure he hadn’t changed his clothes in a couple of days. I had the nerve to mention this to Brandy once, but she only snapped at me. She said something about it just being his style and that it didn’t matter to her. I supposed he’s got to be big and good if she’s sticking up for him.

We both walked up to Zeke and his friends, Brandy up ahead of me since I was told to hang in the backround. I figured all of Zeke's friends where unkempt jerks like he was, but then I noticed one of them. He stood out above all the rest to me; not because I liked him or was sexually interested. It was because he was different. He looked clean-well, better than Zeke anyways-his figure was decent and he just overall looked put well together. I liked that.

"Hey Zeke," Brandy said to him.

"Hey babe." They shared a long passionate kiss in which Zeke grabbed her butt.

All she did was jump and giggle. Ughhh...

"Can I bum a cigarette?" She asked him. He took out his pack, pulled one out then lit it for her. Brandy inhaled, and then quickly exhaled the smoke before turning to me, "You want?"

"No thanks."

She shrugged, and then proceeded to flirt with Zeke. That left me to the mercy of the rest of his friends and the boy who had first caught my attention. His other friends had not really paid much mind to me, which I did not care. The last thing I wanted was a bunch of pot-heads hanging over me; just when I figured I might as well go back home to my room, the boy came over to me.

"Hey," He said coolly.

Getting a better look at him now, I spotted more things about him. His hair was a pitch black and spiked up in all directions; he had tattoos in various places and dark eyeliner brimming the bottom of his eyes. What I really liked was his eyes. They were this crystal blue that contrasted with his dark make-up and hair. They stood out in his face. They were beautiful. He was also a foot taller than me which gave me a better view of his perfect bone structure and complete look of his face.

"Hey," I nodded back to him.

"I've seen you around at the Circle K," He told me. "You usually hang with Brandy and those other people right?"

I was a little surprised by that. I never understood how someone could know you from somewhere but you've never seen them before. Either way, I spoke back.

"Yeah," I said unenthusiastically.

He laughed. It was soft and sweet. "By the sound of that it doesn't sound like you like them."

"Ehh, they're okay, but I could for some new ones."

"I get you on that one. I'd be kind of embarrassed if I was always around someone like Brandy," He motioned his head over to Brandy, who was now fully making out with Zeke. It was kind of gross.

"She's not all that bad," I told him. "It's only when she gets around a cute guy that she starts whoring herself around everywhere.”

He laughed again, “I can tell.”

We both stood there and watched Zeke and Brandy practically dry hump each other against a wall nearby. I thought it was kind of pathetic that Brandy would do something like this in front of a whole bunch of people. Sex-even dry humping-was something that should be done in private, like in a car or in a closet or basically where nobody could catch you. At least, that’s what I believed.

“Well,” I sighed, “I can see she’s busy right now. I guess she’ll look for me again when she’s done. See you around.”

I began to walk away but he called me back, “But I never got your name.”

“Allie,” I said to him. “Yours?”

“Jimmy.”

Jimmy came up beside me with a bored look in his eyes, “I’m not doing much here either. Mind if I come with?”

‘He is cute, Allie,’ I said to myself. ‘He might even be interested in you.’]

“Nah, I don’t mind.”

“Cool.”

Jimmy and I began walking down the road out together and towards the walkway that hung over the highway. I had expected Jimmy to be the non-social type, but he was speaking to me as much as I was with him. We spent a majority of the walk just talking about things: bands we were into, our parents, friends, Brandy and Zeke’s sexual relationship, stories we had to share about particular things, and made a whole mess of lame jokes. I didn’t remember ever enjoying being around a guy greatly like I did with Jimmy. His whole look gave off the impression that he didn’t know anything; the type to sit home and cry about things while he strummed a guitar, and who hated the world.

He was 'almost' the opposite.

I say almost because he did pretty much hate the world, but not for the reasons you would think.

‘Everything is just so fake now. Everybody in this fucking town-in this country-in this world, has to pretend to be something they’re not because someone is telling them that the way they are is wrong. There so much oppression everywhere that we have to hold back the way we feel about things and the things we wanna do. Like, if a thirteen-year-old girl wants to fuck her twenty-year old boyfriend, why should she be told not to? If a guy wants to dress like a chick and get buttfucked, why do people have to stop him from doing it? It’s like we’re told not to do stuff because someone says it’s wrong or immoral. It’s like everybody is scared to be themselves. It just sucks.’

“Is that why you dress like a punk and rebel against society?” I asked with a humored grin on my face.

“Not really,” He shook his head in a chuckle, “I just like the style. It’s really out there and I like the music. Why do you do it?”

He looked down at my cut up Misfits tee, chained black pants, worn sneakers and immense amount of bracelets on my writs. “Because they’re cheap and comfortable.”

We both laughed, and eventually ended up in the parking lot of the Circle K. Of course, there was the usual crowd there, sitting on cars or trying to do tricks on their skateboards. I never took much interest in it because I felt exactly that: Not interested. A few girls were there; I half expected Jimmy to go talk with them and dump me, but he didn’t. All we did was sit on one of the parking spots and keep talking.

“This place never changes,” He commented, looking around. “You notice that?”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “But where else is there? Home isn’t exactly ‘Funtown’ and nothing ever happens around here that’s a big deal.”

“True,” He said. “Every once in a while someone throws a party and everyone goes to trash their house, but party-crashing loses its fun after a while.”

“According to Brandy, there’s one tonight. Planning to go to that one?” I looked over at him, “It’s at John Kelly’s place, and she’s says it’s going to be awesome. Then again, Brandy thinks any party with drugs, booze and guys is an awesome party.”

“Most of the parties now are like that anyways. What’s the point in even going?”

“Well, if it helps, you’ll have a lot of fun once the booze and dope kick in.”

We both stared at each other for a moment, and then laughed together. I had a feeling about Jimmy. I was not really sure what it was, but it was there. I liked having it there.

“You wanna go anyways?” Jimmy asked me after a while. “I got nothin’ better to do tonight.”

I thought for a moment, then said, “Yeah, sure. Why not?” ’

That was probably one of my better memories, if not the top best. I wish had rejected that invitation-no, that feeling-early on. I should have just stayed home and watched TV or listen to my parents discuss my future at the college I was set to go to. I remembered being so happy about going there; getting out of this fucking town and heading off to where life was more upbeat and exciting.

Now, I wish had hadn’t done that either.