I'm All Yours Somehow

The following week was the last before Garrett and the guys left on tour. Mila dragged us all over the place trying to plan out the wedding, which Garrett and I both agreed wouldn't take place for at least six months, but Mila wouldn't here a word of it.

We spent the night before they left at John and Mila's house with the rest of the band and mutual friends. We drank and talked for hours before saying our goodbyes. Em and Kennedy, who were both extremely tipsy, were the first to leave, not hiding their intentions of staying up all night.

When we returned home, I watched from the bed as he did last minute packing. I bit down on my tongue hard, trying to stop the tears from burning in my eyes. He zipped up his last suitcase and sighed. He looked over at me, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I moved my jaw side to side and avoided his eyes. We finally made eye contact and he gave me a sad smile.

He scooted closer to me, his knees against mine, and he put his hands on my thighs. He sighed, moving his hands up to my waist and pulling me into his lap. I leaned back against his chest as he wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. He pressed his face against my hair and I let myself smile. He pushed my shirt up a bit, resting his fingers on the smooth skin of my abdomen.

"Seventy-two days," he said quietly after we both sat in silence for nearly ten minutes.

"What?" I asked, my eyelids feeling heavy.

"That's how long I'll be gone; seventy-two days," he repeated, pressing his lips to fabric of my shirt.

"That's a long time, Gare."

"Not really," he said with a shrug. "Only ten weeks. And I think I can come home for two days next month."

"I'd like that." I nodded, pressing my lips together.

"I thought so," Garrett said, pushing my hair over my shoulder, kissing the back of my neck. "Want to go shower?"

I smiled at his bluntness and nodded. I slid out of his lap and stood up, raising my arms for him to pull my shirt up. He smiled, standing up and taking the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head. I bit my lip and smirked, turning and walking towards the bathroom. As I walked, I reached around and unhooked my bra and dropped it to the floor to tease him as I entered the bathroom.

I heard him scoff before taking off towards the bathroom, as I unbuttoned my jeans. Garrett's shirt was gone when he entered and he was grinning. He put his hands on my hips firmly, pulling me to him. I laughed as he pressed his lips to my cheek, then to my lips as I unbuttoned his jeans and dragged the zipper down. He pulled away enough reach around and turn on the shower before kicking off his jeans. We finished undressing each other before he dragged me into the shower, closing the glass door behind us.

He pressed me against the wall of the shower and I arched my back away from it. "It's fucking cold!" I exclaimed as he laughed at my action. He kissed the skin of my neck as we stood under the hot spray of the shower.

An hour later, Garrett was playing with the wet strands of my hair as I pulled on a pair of his boxers and one of his shirts. He wrapped an arm around my neck, pulling me to him as he pressed his lips to my forehead.

"I'm really going to miss you," he whispered to me.

I let out a laugh as I wrapped my arms around him, enjoying the feel of his skin under my fingertips. "I'd hope so," I said with a smile. I traced circles over the bare skin of his back and smirked when I felt goosebumps rise on his flesh.

He lifted me onto the counter of the sink and stood between my legs and buried his face in my neck. I put my arms around his shoulders tangling my hands in his damp hair. His breath was wet against my skin and I sighed heavily.

"I love you so, so much," he mumbled against my skin. I smiled to myself, tightening my grip on him.

"I love you too, Gary," I said rather sadly. He pulled away and released me, resting his hands on my thighs. He looked at me, staring into my eyes to the point that I laughed and looked away. He reached up and pushed my hair out of my face.

"You're beautiful," he informed me, grinning as I looked away, a pink blush rising to my cheeks. "Why do you always blush?" he asked with a laugh.

"I don't know!" I said exasperatedly, covering my face with my hands. He laughed again, pulling my hands away from my face to kiss me.

We kissed for a few minutes, simply that, enjoying the sensation. Finally, I slid off the counter and we walked back to the bedroom, and I crawled into bed. Garrett flipped on the bedside lamp before walking over and turning off the lights before crawling in next to me.

"Is the alarm set?" he asked, kissing my cheek as he pulled me as close to him as possible.

I nodded. "I wish it wasn't though," I said with a sigh. He gave me a sad smile and kissed me cheek. He locked his arms around my waist and I put my head on his shoulder.

Garrett drifted off to sleep not long after, but as always on the night before he left, I couldn't sleep. I pressed my face into the fabric of his shirt, hoping to force myself to relax. I eventually slipped into an uneasy sleep and jolted awake a few hours later when the alarm went off at six.

I sighed, sitting up as Garrett flipped on the bedside lap, yawning as he did so.

"Did you sleep at all, babe?" he asked, sitting up beside me, kissing my shoulder.

"Barely," I said, pushing my hair back.

He sighed softly, kissing the side of my neck softly, his lips lingering on my skin.

"Gare, you're going to make it very to get out of bed," I told him as his fingers traced the curve of my waist, causing my muscles to tense.

"Who said we have to just yet?" he whispered before kissing the spot behind my ear that sent chills darting down my spine.

"The alarm," I said, trying to contain a moan as he sucked at the skin of my neck.

"That's why I set it for forty-five minutes early," Garrett informed me, pressing his lips to the corner of my mouth. I raised my eyebrows, impressed with his logic. I sat up, turning around to stradle his lap, raising my arms for him to pull up my shirt. He took the opportunity eagerly, pulling the fabric over my head before attaching his lips to my collar bone.

An hour later, while Garrett was in the shower, I pulled out the small bag I kept hidden in my closet, putting it on the bed and opening it. I pulled out the contents: a small bottle of my favorite perfume, his favorite picture of us (one Pat had snapped of us kissing at New Years two years before), and the note that I wrote for him everytime he left tour. I sprayed a few pumps of my perfume onto my pillow before removing the pillowcase and folding it up before putting it in the bag. I opened up the drawer on the bedside table and pulled out the extra phone battery I had bought, putting that in the bag as well, along with the other items.

I zipped up the bag, my eyes stinging with tears, before opening up his largest suitcase, and making room for the bag. I noticed his phone on the table, vibrating, and I picked it up with a sigh.

"Hello?" I asked, holding the phone between my ear and shoulder, as I walked into the closet for a clean pillowcase.

"Lu?" Pat asked on the other end of the line.

"Yeah, Pat?"

"Are you still going to pick me up?"

"Yeah, we'll be there in thirty minutes or so," I told him, yawning quietly.

"Okay, just making sure. Where's Garrett?" he questioned.

"He's in the shower. Do you want him to call you when he gets out?"

"No, that's okay. I'll see you in a little bit."

I rolled my eyes, hanging up as I dropped onto the bed. I was wearing only shorts and a t-shirt, but I shivered, curling up under the blankets.

Garrett walked out of the bathroom soon, shirtless and his hair still wet. I sighed, looking him over.

"That's not fair you know," I told him, trying to tear my eyes away from him.

"How so?" he asked, his brow furrowing, oblivious.

"How would you like if we were on a time constraint and I just decided to walk around shirtless for a while?" I teased, tugging my shirt up a bit, trying the make him empathetic.

He raised his eyebrows, looking away quickly. He grabbed the first shirt he could find, pulling it on as I raised the hem of mine a bit.

"Stop," he groaned, turning away from me completely. I laughed, adjusting my shirt as I left the bed, wrapping my arms around him tightly, pressing my lips against the fabric of his shirt. "You don't play fair."

"You don't ether," I reminded him, tightening my arms around him. He shrugged simply. "Pat called a minute ago."

"What for?" Garrett asked, pulling away from me to hoist his bags onto the bed.

"He was just making sure we could still give him a ride to the airport," I said with a shrug. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really. I figured we'd all eat at the airport like we usually do," he suggested, running a hand through his hair. I nodded once, looking at the clock, biting down on my tongue.

Ten minutes later, I watched Garrett load his stuff into the back of my car, shivering and thankful that I'd pulled on a pair of sweatpants. He closed the hatchback and turned to face me. He put his arms around my waist, holding me an arm's distance away.

"Pat's waiting for us," I reminded him with a soft smile. I knew that if we took too long by Pat's standards, he'd freak out about the supposed "hanky-panky" that we engaged in while driving, which caused us to be late. Of course, he'd relay the "story" to John, Jared, and Kennedy, who'd make fun of Garrett and I until our faces were nearly on fire.

"He can wait a little longer," Garrett said, kissing the tip of my nose as I scrunched up my face. He pressed his lips against mine softly, taking the keys out of my hand.

I rolled my eyes as he pulled away, walking around to the driver's side. I slid into the passenger seat, adjusting it before fastening my seatbelt. "Why do you always insist on driving?" I asked as he flipped on the headlights and pulled out of the garage.

He shrugged. "I'm chivalrous," he explained.

I scoffed, curling my feet under me. "Saying you're chivalrous is like saying that Pat is sane," I joked, glancing over at him. He frowned, choosing not to respond. We picked Pat up soon after and I dozed off on the drive to the airport.

The group of us (all five guys, their crew, Mila, Abigail, Em, and myself) all managed to get through a Starbucks once the guys checked their bags and we sat at a few different tables.

Em had a purple hickey on her neck which she didn't even bother to hide, her voice a tad raspy. She was sitting in Kennedy's lap, as I was sitting in Garrett's, and his cheek rested against the side of her shoulder.

I glanced over to where Pat, Jared, John, and Mila were sitting. John had Abigail in his lap and she was fighting to stay awake, leaning back against John's chest. I could only imagine how hard it was for John to leave on tour; all of the other guys only left behind one person, John left behind two.

"You okay?" Garrett whispered to me, brushing his lips over my hair. I only nodded, looking back at him to smile.

We all walked as far as we could together, until the security check points.

When we reached the point, Garrett squeezed my hand so tightly, I thought it was going to break. I squeezed back though. He dropped his carry-on to the ground, wrapping his arms around me tighter than ever. He buried his face in the skin of my neck, staying like that for at least two full minutes. He pulled away just enough to kiss me gently, his lips moving over mine softly. As soon as we pulled apart, tears welled in my eyes and Garrett smiled at me, kissing my forehead. I smiled back at him, slipping my hands between his t-shirt and his jacket, running my hands along the muscles of his back for the last time.

"I love you more than air," he told me, like he always did before he left for tour.

I nodded, smiling as my tears spilled over.

"Why do you always fucking cry?" Garrett asked quietly, slight smile on his lips. "It just makes me feel horrible for leaving." He wiped away my tears with his thumbs and kissed me again.

"I'll have to work on that," I said, nodding again before letting out a sigh. I looked around, and by that time, all of the guys except for Gare, Kennedy, and John had gotten through security and were waiting patiently on the other side of gates.

He took my left hand in his, toying with my engagement ring idly as he stared down at me. "I should probably go," he said sadly, watching Em and Kennedy exchange a final kiss before he grabbed his bag and walked away, glancing back at her the entire time.

"What if I don't want you to?" I teased, smiling as I fought back more tears. This was part of our routine, and no matter how many times we did it, it never got any easier.

"Just remember, seventy-two days until I'm home. At the most. I'll look at flights in a few days to see if I can come home for two days."

I nodded, pressing against him, hugging him tightly as I gripped the fabric of his shirt in my hands, clinging to him. He wove his hands through my hair and I buried my face in his shoulder, shedding a few tears, which soaked his shirt. He leaned away, kissing me more roughly than before.

"I love you," I whispered to him, pulling away just long enough to speak.

"I love you too, Tallulah," he said, pressing his lips against mine and giving me a final tight squeeze, kissing the skin of my neck as he did so. He pulled away, our fingers still intertwined as he hoisted his carry-on onto his shoulder. He started to walk away, neither of us releasing the other's hand as the distance between us grew. Eventually with the distance, our fingers tour apart, and I had to concentrate on the ground beneath me, or else I would have taken off after him.

Tears brimmed my eyes as he walked to security, shrugging off his jacket and stepping out of his shoes, putting them in the basket. We maintained eye contact until he went through the metal detector, meaning he was truly gone. I wiped my tears away furiously, and looked over. Em was sitting on a nearby bench, her knees pulled to her chest and her head resting on them.

I walked towards her and she looked up and there were tears streaming down her face. I sat down beside her, putting my arm around her shoulders. She sobbed as quietly as she could and she turned, resting her head on my shoulder.

"The first time is the hardest, trust me," I assured her, and she nodded silently. I looked up to see John kiss Mila and Abigail each a final time before walking towards security. Abigail started to fuss as John walked away, and Mila bounced her, trying to keep her own tears at bay.

Mila came over to the bench where we all sat and plopped down, Abigail in her lap. She wiped her eyes, looking over at Em with a sad smile.

We sat there for about ten minutes, until Em could calm down. Mila was in a separate garage, so she headed in the opposite direction of Em and I. We walked together, my arm around her shoulders still as she continued to wipe her eyes and hiccup quietly.

"Are you staying alone now?" I asked her as we both tried to locate our cars.

"Uhm, yeah," she responded, sniffling.

"Want to come stay with me for tonight, and maybe for the next few weeks?" I offered generously. She looked taken aback. "You know I have plenty of room, and the house is too big to be alone. You might feel better this way."

Em nodded, pushing her hair behind her ear. "Yeah, I think I will. I'll bring ice cream and peanut butter, because I know I'll need lots of both," she joked, giving me a quick smile.

I laughed, hitting the unlock button on my remote as we reached my car. "Alright, well I have a few things to do today, but I'll text you a bit later and you can come over then."

"Okay, sounds good," she said, nodding appreciatively.

"'Kay, I'll see you later," I told her before climbing into my car, shutting the door behind me.

I relaxed back against the seat and realized that the car smelled like Garrett. I sighed, turning the key in the ignition.

There's nothing like loneliness.