I'm All Yours Somehow

My tears dried on my way home, and I found myself sighing over and over again. It was still very early, and there weren't many cars on the road. I turned off at a Walmart, disregarding my appearance, and stocked up on cleaning supplies.

The day Garrett left for tour, I always spent hours cleaning. It kept my mind off the fact that I was alone again. The cashier gave me strange looks as I went through the check-out, spending nearly seventy-five dollars on cleaning supplies alone.

I returned home, completely exhausted. I dropped the bags on the kitchen table and went into my bedroom and cast a mournful look toward my bed. I walked into the bathroom and rolled my eyes at my reflection. I tied my hair up and got to work.

I scrubbed the floors in most of the rooms, vacuumed the hell out of the carpets, stripped the sheets on all of the beds, except for mine, cleaned the bathrooms, emptied the refridgerator and freezer, changed the pool filter, and wiped down the counters. I finished after five hours, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand.

I located my phone on my nightstand and cursed myself that I missed Garrett's call. He left a voicemail and I bit my lip, entering my pin to listen to it.

"Hey Tallulah, we just landed. I'm not surprised you didn't answer, you're probably cleaning," he teased, pausing to laugh. I smiled at his accuracy. "Yeah, we're doing some press stuff soon and then I don't even know what's going on. Don't worry about calling me back, but expect my call tonight. Okay, I love you, and I'll talk to you later."

I sighed, listening to the message again before tossing my phone onto my bed before collapsing onto it myself. I pressed my face into his pillow, inhaling deeply. For some reason, at that moment, my entire body ached. I attempted to relax, rolling onto my side, clutching his pillow. I curled into a ball, trying to push my thoughts of missing Garrett out of my head. Eventually, I was able to relax and I fell asleep.

I woke up some time later, sweaty and disoriented. I jolted up, my eyes darting around the room. Very little light was streaming through the windows now, and the blankets that had been covering me when I fell asleep were now kicked all the way off the bed. I yawned, sitting up and searching for my phone.

I had two missed calls from Dree and a few texts as well, urging me to call her back. I rolled my eyes and dialed her number, yawning again as the phone rang.

"I thought you were dead," she said, sounding as over-dramatic as ever.

"Shush, I was sleeping," I told her, rolling my eyes again. "So, what's up?"

"Nothing really, I'm just checking up on you," she explained, her voice less sharp. "How was the airport?"

"Hard, the same as always. Em was a mess so she's going to stay with me for a while," I told her, sighing. I stood up, stretching out my back.

"Well, that's good at least, that she doesn't half to be alone. Is she there now?"

"Nah, I told her I'd call her at some point and she could come over then," I explained, padding into the bathroom.

"Well, call her up and the both of you come over. We're having people over and ordering pizza and whatnot. It doesn't make sense for you two to just sit at home and wallow in your loneliness."

"Thanks for the compassion, Dree," I scoffed, taking my hair out of the elastic and shaking it out.

She laughed. "It's what I'm here for, Lu. Anyway, John's already here, so you guys can come over whenever."

"Alright, well, I'm going to get a shower and I'll call Em here in a minute."

"Okay, sounds good. I'll see you soon," she said, hanging up. I nodded to myself, wiping the sleep from my eyes.

I dialed Em quickly and told her to come over soon, and filled her in on the plan of going to Dree's. She sounded a bit excited about the idea of actually doing something, and promised she'd be over as soon as possible.

I took a quick shower and as I was drying my hair, the sound of Sammy's barking alerted me that Em had arrived. Raking my fingers through my hair, I walked down the hall to greet her.

"Hey," I said with a smile. She was crouched down, petting Sammy, who was loving the attention.

"Oh, hi," she said, straightening up with a smile. Sammy nudged her knee, wanting her to pet her again. "I think she missed me." She laughed, scratching her behind the ears.

"Looks like it," I said, smiling. "You brought your stuff, then?"

"Yeah, I only brought one bag in, the other's in my car," she said, nodding towards the suitcase to her left.

"Okay, that works. I figure you can stay in one of the downstairs rooms. I spent quite a while cleaning earlier, so everything's clean," I explained and she nodded.

"Which room?" she asked, grabbing her suitcase.

"Either of them. It doesn't really matter." She shrugged indifferently and started towards the stairs. "Okay, well, make yourself at home. I'll be ready to go in about half an hour."

I returned to my bathroom and finished drying my hair. I put on the tiniest bit of make up before running a few hands through my hair, trying to tame it. I changed my shirt, stepped into a pair of sandals and grabbed my phone and keys from my room and walked back to the kitchen.

Em was sitting at the table, her feet folded under her, her attention directed to her phone. She was smiling softly and didn't hear me enter.

"Talking to Kenny?" I asked, surprising her. She jumped slightly, looking up at me.

"Oh, yeah," she said, a slight blush rising up her cheeks. I smiled.

"That's good," I told her, nodding. "Are you ready then?"

We arrived at Dree's twenty minutes later and hugs were everywhere. Dree, Jess, Sarah, Brian, John, and Godsey all insisted on hugging me and Em several times each. The pizza and beer was already sitting out and Em and I helped ourselves.

Everybody was cheerful, as always. People were dispersed evenly throughout the house. A lot of the guys were in the family room, playing Call of Duty and Em, Dree, Jess, myself, and a few other girls were in the kitchen, talking and munching on pretzel sticks.

We were discussing Dree's pregnancy and her and Stephen's wedding plans when Jess's phone vibrated on the counter. We all jumped slightly.

"Jobe said he's on his way," Jess said to the group.

"About fucking time," Dree cursed, rolling her eyes.

I smiled. "Josh is coming?" I asked.

Dree nodded. "When I invited him, I assured him that Garrett was on tour."

I laughed quietly. Garrett and Josh Montgomery did not have a very pleasant past, at all.

At the time of John and Mila's engagement, years before, Garrett and I had fought to the point that we were virtually over. When this all happened, before I even knew Josh well enough to consider him a friend, Garrett had jumped to the conclusion that Josh and I were an "item" and while Josh defended me, Garrett had punched him.

That same night, Josh and I...well, we did the dirty. Of course, Garrett found out about it, and the whole thing was a mess.

Obviously, Garrett and I made up, and Josh actually became one of my best friends. Garrett still hated Josh though, so I usually only saw him during the brief period of time when Garrett was on tour, yet he was not. I refrained from telling Garrett whenever I'd see Josh.

For some reason, butterflies swarmed in my stomach. I hadn't seen Josh in at least a year. I was excited. I hated that Garrett wasn't keen on Josh and I being friends, but hey, Garrett wasn't there, and for once, I would get to see me friend.

My mind was buzzing as I toyed with my own fingers, awaiting his arrival. I didn't hear what everybody else was saying. I heard the door open ten minutes later, and I perked up.

Josh walked into the kitchen, and I smiled. He put his arms around Dree's shoulders quickly, catching my eye as he did so. He released her and approached me, smiling. He wrapped my arms around my waist tightly, lifting me off the ground a bit as he did so. I laughed, kissing his cheek quickly when he set me down.

"Hi," I said, a wide smile on my face.

"Ugh, get a room. You guys are going to make me sick," Jess said from behind us. Josh and I both gave her the finger and she laughed.

"We have to catch up," Josh said, pointing a finger at me quickly. "But first, I have to go say hi to everyone."

"Take your time," I told him. He nodded and stepped away, heading towards the living room.

When I turned back to the counter, Dree and Jess were giving me a strange look.

"What?" I questioned, taking another handful of pretzel sticks.

"Be careful," Dree warned me, and I rolled my eyes.

"We're just friends," I assured her.

"Lu, when everything went down with you guys a few years ago, he fell for you pretty hard," Jess told me. "He never fought for you, because he knew you loved Garrett, but he really did care about you."

A blush flared across my cheeks and I bit my lower lip. I nodded, putting up my guard. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, or Garrett," I told them, my voice a bit sharp. Jess raised her eyebrows and shrugged. I let out a sigh, feeling a bit guilty.

Josh returned to the kitchen just as the rest of the girls launched back into the conversation of Dree and Stephen's upcoming nuptials and the baby. He smiled and I slid off my stool and grabbing a beer, we headed for the back porch.

We sat down opposite each other on the deck chairs and I laughed awkwardly.

"How long has it been?" he asked, smiling ear to ear. "I mean, since we've seen each other."

I bit my lip, trying to remember the last time we had seen each other. "I went to see you guys play several months ago. Dree dragged me along. We saw each other, and I looked for you after the show. I found you, but your tongue was down some girl's throat."

His brow creased in thought. "What did she look like?"

I tried to think back to that night. "Short? Choppy black hair, pale?" I guessed, trusting my memory.

He laughed once. "Yeah, I remember that," he said, nodding before taking a swig of beer. "So how are things with the boyfriend?"

I ran a hand through my hair, pushing it out of my eyes with a nervous sigh. "He's not so much my boyfriend anymore," I said cautiously.

"What?! You guys broke up?" he questioned quickly, trying to hide his obvious excitement.

"Not exactly," I said quietly, looking down as I extended my left hand so he could see my ring. I didn't want to see the look on his face.

"Oh, wow...damn," he said, his voice a bit shaky. "How long have you guys been e-engaged?"

"A few weeks now," I said, my eyes flickering up to him quickly. He was looking away from me. He let out a sigh and looked up to meet my eye. "I-I'm sorry."

He frowned quickly before smiling. "What the hell are you apologizing for?"

I laughed. "I don't know! It was just something to say," I exclaimed, color rushing to my face.

He smiled at my discomfort. "It's okay, Lu. I'm happy for you," he said, nodding.

"Really?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Sure, maybe I'm a bit bummed, but I'm just glad that you're happy," he assured me with a smile.

I nodded once, returning his smile. "Okay, so moving on. What's new in your life?"

We launched into a long conversation, catching up from the last few years. We both ended up a bit tipsy after a few beers. It didn't take me long to realize how much I really did miss him. He was easy enough to talk to and he let off a completely different vibe that Garrett.

Over the next two hours, Dree and Em took turns peeking out the window every fifteen minutes or so to "check on us." Eventually, we ventured back inside where a large game of spoons was going on. While the game was a bit juvenile, playing with a bunch of tipsy twenty-somes was actually very entertaining.

Em and I were some of the last people to leave. Josh was still there, drunk by definition at that point. He walked Em and I to my car, trailing close behind me. He opened my door for me, and I hugged him tightly before climbing into the car.

"Call me in a few days and we can do dinner or something," I told him, turning my car on. He simply smiled and nodded before turning and walking back towards the house, tripping in the process.

Em and I chatted a bit on the way home, but she spent a lot of her time texting Kennedy. We got home and I parked in the garage, casting a sad look at Garrett's car before I entered the house.

Sammy came running and I let her out and poured some more food into her dish. I let her in ten minutes later and she went straight for her bowl and I rolled my eyes. I walked down the hall to my room and pushed open the door.

The room was cold, and I shivered when I entered. I sighed, walking into my closet and grabbing one of Garrett's old shirts off a hanger. There was a hole under the arm and half of the hem was coming out. I pulled my shirt off and replaced it with his. I could smell his cologne as I did so. I changed into a pair of running shorts as well, tying my hair up.

I collapsed on the bed and glanced at the clock. It was nearly midnight, and Garrett still hadn't called. I bit my lip and reached for my phone, dialing his number.

He answered after a few rings. "Hello?" he asked, sounding groggy.

"Did I wake you up?" I questioned, smiling at the sound of his voice.

"Shit, yeah," he said with a sigh. "I'm sorry; I meant to call, but I got into my bunk and I just passed out."

"It's okay, it's okay," I promised. "I only just got home, so don't worry about it."

"Wow, I'm gone for one day and you're already out partying?" he teased. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"You know how I am, babe." I giggled, pressing a hand against my mouth.

"And you're tipsy. Where were you even?"

"Over at Dree's. All the guys were over and she invited me and Em over."

"I'm going to kill that girl. She's taunting me," he cursed.

"How so?" I asked, giggling again.

"She got you tipsy, and all I can do is listen to you giggle," he said, yawning as he spoke. I smiled, moving over to his side of the bed.

"I miss you," I told him after we maintained silence for a moment.

"I miss you too, Tallulah. How's Em holding up?"

"She was a mess at the airport, but she's staying in one of our spare rooms, so neither of us have to be alone."

"Yeah, Ken told me about that," he said with a sigh.

"Is everyone else asleep?"

"Nah, I can hear Pat and Jared talking in the lounge."

"Okay, well, I'm about to fall asleep, so I think I'm gonna go now," I told him, pressing my face into his pillow.

"Do you have to?" he questioned. "You can't get rid of me that easily, love."

I giggled again. "I love you," I said, my lips feeling hot as I pressed them together. My eyes burned with tears.

"Tallulah, please don't start crying," he pleaded with me. "It makes me feel horrible, sweetie, you know that."

I swallowed, sniffling. "Yeah, I know," I said, my voice quivering. I chill ran through my body as tears welled in my eyes.

"I love you, so much," he reminded me and it only made the tears come faster. "I'll be home as soon as I can, I promise."

I nodded to myself, tears rolling down my face. I wiped my eyes and sighed. "I love you, Gare."

"I love you too, Tallulah. Get some sleep, go to work tomorrow, and I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Yeah," I said, swallowing as more tears flowed down my face.

"Bye, sweetie."

"Bye," I said, my voice barely a whisper as I hung up.