Remember What Went Wrong

It was a Saturday.

Saturday is the day of rest and relaxation, the day for watching cartoons and pigging out, the day for laughing on the phone with friends and staying in bed.

It is not the day for movement.

I wasn’t like any of the other girls at school, who spent their Saturday mornings at lacrosse practice or at a ridiculously designer store at the mall. On Saturdays, I slept.

Well, I usually slept.

It was two weeks after the beginning of my senior year, on a Saturday morning, that I was jolted awake by the sound of my obnoxious ringtone.

The light was shining down on my bed through a crack in my dark red curtains, and I squinted as I attempted to find the reason for my awakening.

I fumbled around my nightstand blindly until I felt the small device known as my cellphone. I pressed the small green ‘talk’ button, and awaited a voice on the other end.

All of my friends knew that I hated to be awakened early in the morning, and because of this, only Alex seemed to have the balls to call me.

“What?” I snapped, hoping that it was indeed Alex on the other end.

“Nice to hear from you too, sweetheart.”

Butterflies rose in my stomach at the word sweetheart, even though Alex was only joking.

“What do you want, Alex?” I attempted to keep my voice level as I imagined Alex sitting at home, his shaggy honey-coloured hair falling in his face as he watched television. “I was sleeping.”

“I want to see you.” I could hear his smirk through the phone, and it made my heart speed up. “What are you doing today? I need to talk.”

I clutched the sheets underneath me with one hand while the other remained gripping the phone, as I tried to keep the stupid smile off my face.

“Um, nothing.” I giggled quietly, feeling excited, nervous and happy all at the same time. “Where do you want to meet?”

”My mom is having an issue with cleaning or something, and my dad took the car...so how about we meet at the park by my house?”

“Oh,” I felt myself heat up at the stupidity of my statement. I quickly added, “That sounds great.”

“Alright then.” A comfortable silence filled the air as Alex breathed in deeply. “I’ll see you in about twenty minutes?”

“Okay.” I stuttered, not able to think of any other response.

“Bye, Ede.” The click on the other end of the line let me know that Alex had hung up.

I sighed, hanging up the phone as well, before looking at my nightstand.

In a bright orange frame decorated by seashells and plastic lettering that read ‘Best Friends’ sat a picture of Alex and I with our arms wrapped tightly around each other. The picture was taken at the end of our freshman year of high school outside the parking lot of Dulaney.

Alex was still rocking his golden-brown bowl-haircut while I obviously didn’t know what conditioner meant at that time. Alex was looking down at me and had his mouth open, clearly telling some immature joke, while I had my head thrown back and a big smile on my face in laughter.

I smiled at the memory, something that only felt like yesterday, before getting off my bed and attempting to fix my hair. For Alex, I had to be perfect.Even if he didn't ever notice.

Once I thought my hair looked suitable, I glanced in the mirror one last time, feeling my heart began to race at the possibilities of what Alex wanted to talk to me for.

“He wants to see me.” I spoke to my reflection, feeling a grin creep onto my face. I shook my head, clearing my thoughts, before heading down the stairs. “He wants to see me.”

_______________

The park near Alex’s house was one of the most beautiful in Maryland.

It was simple and small, giving of a warm vibe, with a rusting jungle gym and attached playground on one side, and a park area with a broken fountain, open grassy fields, a circular pathway that enclosed the whole area and dark wooden benches and matching tables for people to relax on.

Since the park was hidden in the suburbs of Baltimore, not many people chose to go to this particular park, instead opting to go to parks that had fairs, extravagant fountains and bustling inhabitants.

When I parked my bike on the worn bike stand at the entrance, I noticed that the park was almost completely deserted except for a young woman dressed in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, holding the hand of an identical looking toddler who was failing to balance on the see-saw.

I became frantic, noticing the familiar feeling of mortification and nervousness as my lungs constricted and my tongue became leaden in my mouth. Alex had stood me up.

It was only when I heard the familiar angelic voice of my best friend calling my name, did I begin to calm down.

“Ede?”

I turned around, searching the area once again for Alex, before I finally found him. He was sitting on one of the park benches in the far back of the park, his hoodie covering his head as he sat, slouched on the bench, his hand in a brown paper bag of some sort.

“Alex!” I waved stupidly, even though he was the one who had seen me already. I approached him, mentally cursing myself at the fact that I managed to act awkward even though this was my best friend, and smiled. “Hi.”

“You came.” He grinned, melting my heart slightly as I slid into the space next to him on the bench.

Wordlessly, he pushed the bag towards my direction, and my heart picked up again. When I peered into the bag, it dropped slightly when I realized that there was no gift in the bag...but instead a soggy bagel.

“What’s this?” I muttered, my eyes narrowing as the bagel continued to wilt in the bag.

“It’s breakfast,” Alex laughed, noticing my expression. “My mom said to give it to you, since you’re a growing girl.”

“Shut up, Alex!” I laughed, noticing how his face had twisted into a ridiculous expression.

He laughed alongside me, and it was only then that I noticed he was holding a bagel identical to the one he had handed me. He took a bite, before turning to me.

“So, you wanted to talk to me?”

“Oh,” he muttered, spraying crumbs on my face. I pretended not to care. “Yeah. You’re a girl, right?”

“No Alex, I’m a transvestite.”

“I don’t know what you have!” He held his hands up in a defensive manner, causing me to laugh once again.

“Yeah, I’m a girl.” I shrugged. “So?”

“Well...uh...you’ve been my friend for a long time.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, making it even messier than it was before. “And I kind of...have a problem.”

“A problem?”

“I know you’ve never...you haven’t...had a boyfriend...so you might not know what I’m talking about...” I felt my heart fall in my chest.

My cheeks began to heat up out of embarrassment, while I looked down at the floor, hoping it would open up and swallow me up.

“What’s your point?” I scowled, crossing my arms over my chest as Alex noticed my expression. He must have realized how mortified I was though, as he began to stutter once again.

“See... the thing is...I like this girl...”

I know, dear reader, that I should not have jumped to the conclusion I did. I was stupid, naive, and young.

But somewhere, deep inside my seventeen year old body, I truly believed that Alex loved me more than a friend. Somewhere in my body was so delusional, that it caused me to become excited.

I had formed this plan in my mind, that Alex and I would get married once he realized his feelings for me, we would have two kids—one boy and one girl—and we would be happy.

Now, looking back on the situation, I can laugh. But then, then it was a problem. I know I should have immediately known that he liked someone other than myself, but as I said, I wasn’t the smartest at that time.

So instead of rationally talking things out with Alex, I became utterly ecstatic as he continued talking. I thought that he was going to confess his love for me, and we would kiss on the park bench like one of those cheesy romantic movies.

Of course, everything I seem to think turns out to be wrong. And of course, the words Alex spoke after that made my heart break.

“Do you know if Audrey likes me?”

“Of course I would—what?”

“What?”

“Audrey?”

“Yeah...you know. Audrey Sinclair. The new girl.”

“I know who she is.” I spat out, realizing how stupid I had been. “What about her?”

“Well, I kind of like her...a lot. And I was wondering if you could... you know, put in a good word for me. You and Audrey can have that whole girl-talk thing, and maybe then you could...mention my name? And find out if she likes me?”

“Alex,, I really don’t think...”

“Please?”

Now I know that I was really digging a hole for myself. I should have said no, and maybe none of the high school drama that followed would have happened.

But, dear reader, if you had seen the look on Alex’s face—the way his brown eyes widened, how his soft pink lips formed an adorable pout, how his thick eyebrows had furrowed together, how his calloused hands had held mine—you would have done the exact same thing I would have. You would have agreed.

“Fine.” I muttered, feeling disgusted with myself.

“Thanks, Ede!” He grinned, wrapping his hands around me in a hug.

I instinctively curled my arms around his body as well, and we stayed there for a few minutes, just hugging each other. It was a simple, friendly hug...and I am sad to say that the whole time, I was thinking it was something more.