Always

One week after the news that Matt Nicholls was going to have a little spawn, as Oli so cleverly put it; the boys were all packed and ready to head out. They had a car picking them up so all goodbyes would be said long before they would jet off for the United States. It was not something that Mia was looking forward to at all. But Matt was looking forward to it even less than his girlfriend was.

Matt had the relationship that his friends envied. Everyone believed he was about to have a kid with a girl he would love until the day he died. And Matt would believe nothing less than that. Forever was almost not enough time for him to spend with Mia and their unborn child. He was fretting unnecessarily about the things that needed to be taken care of by the time February 12th would roll around. But the one thing that he knew was that they would be bringing this baby into a world full of complete and udder adoration.

“Come here, mama,” He said softly, taking Mia’s hand and leading her out back to the hammock that the couple enjoyed at least once or twice a week. Mia would now be sharing it alone with just a baby to keep her company; a baby that couldn’t even talk back to her or really understand what she was saying. She was going to be utterly alone other than the random girlfriends that would stop in while the boys were away.

“If I didn’t have to leave right now, I wouldn’t. Well, if I didn’t think you would kill me for giving up this dream to stay home with you, I would stay,” He told her, holding her hand as they swung quietly in the hammock. His girlfriend, or fiancé, or whatever she was, had been quiet the entire morning for obvious reason.

“When I come home, we’re just going to hide out, just you, me and that new life, until I saw that we can escape, alright?” He asked her, trying to ignore the tears that had begun to pool in her eyes as he tilted her chin towards him so he could see her eyes.

“What if when you come there’s nothing left of us, Matt? What if you decide you don’t want me and the little spawn?” She asked, trying to throw a joke into a very serious statement in typical Mia fashion. But Matt saw right through it, as he always did.

“We’re going to be miles and miles apart,” She said, “How on Earth am I going to compare to an American girl?” Matt put a finger to her lips, effectively quieting her. All around them, the same sort of conversation was going on. Oli’s girlfriend wasn’t leaving for another couple of weeks and Jona’s girlfriend was staying in his apartment while he was gone.

Matt hated moments like these. He hated leaving for tour, but he loved it once he got out on the road. Being miles and miles away from the girl that he loved was rough and it took a lot of courage and devotion to keep it alive, but that was something that he and Mia had never lacked. And now, on top of their relationship, he had a baby to look forward to raising when he returned home. Something he never really saw occurring until it smacked him in the face. And suddenly, his whole life had shifted gears in ways he never thought imaginable. He had found himself looking for two bedroom apartments that were in safe neighborhoods, for cribs and baby furniture, at clothes. He found himself wondering if it would look like him or Mia. He had shifted from just plain old Matt Nicholls, drummer of Bring Me the Horizon, to Matt Nicholls, daddy to be.

He knew that Mia would drop everything to go on the road with him full time. But in America, it just wasn’t plausible. She needed the medical care that being part of the United Kingdom provided for her and their unborn baby.

He also knew that if she even so much as hinted at it, he would drop everything for another day at home in Sheffield with her. But Mia was entirely sure of herself, especially while carrying his child. She had developed a sort of self preservation mode each time he had gone onto tour and this time was no different. This time, actually, she seemed a little bit tougher but still insecure about it all. He was leaving her and by the time he returned, they would more than likely be able to know what they were having. He had looked it up and Mia would already have the appointment that would show its heart beating. And he would miss all of that. It was the first experience he would ever have with it and he was going to miss it.

But he couldn’t give up what he did for a living. It provided fairly decently and would allow his child to grow up well rounded. He knew that he might have to take some time off when it was born, but he knew that his band would definitely support them if that’s what they chose to do.

Matt took Mia’s hand and laid it over his heart, “You feel that beating in there?” She answered him with a nod and a shaky intake of breath. She was on the verge of sobbing her heart out like she did every single time that he left. It would leave him a mess until he could call her from wherever they were flying to. The memory of her tears running down her beautiful face was an image that he was all too familiar with and it haunted him like a ghost.

“You’re in here. The other girls that I meet and I see, they’re not. No one will ever be able to take your place, understand? For the next few weeks I’ll live a different life. A smelly one with too much masculinity and no beautiful girl to fall asleep next to. But we’ll be together again. You are always here, alright? Always.”