Always

Matt had been gone for two months already. And despite Mia fighting it every step of the way, the doctor had advised against going to the United States to spend time with Matt while she was pregnant. It sucked for both parties, but they would get through it. Mia was consistently sending Matt different pictures of everything that was going on.

Mia had known Kristen for seven years. They had bonded in middle school and had continued to stay close no matter what had happened. Kristen had always been Mia’s shoulder and rock while Matt and the rest of the boys were gone. She loved her like the sister she never had and was thrilled that Kristen was around to help her through the early part of her pregnancy.

Mia had such faith in Kristen that she was the first person she called when she woke up feeling weird. And if you’ve ever heard the saying, when it rains, it pours. That’s how Mia felt when she got to the emergency room.

And when the doctor told her what she had felt in her gut as soon as she woke up screaming, she saw nothing but a black pit. How was she ever going to be able to tell Matt what had happened. How could this have happened to her, she thought, as she lay in the bed the hospital forced her to inhabit for a few more days. They wanted to monitor her to make sure that nothing bad would happen to her body. Kristen stayed with her most of the time, but she was in a hospital, making it impossible for her to call Matt and let him know what was going on. All she wanted was him there with her. She needed him, but she couldn’t even call him. And she didn’t want Kristen to tell him, she needed to do it herself.

The doctors, of course, told her that it was nothing that she had done. There was no way to predict why these things happened. Some women just weren’t meant to have babies, etc. None of it felt positive to her nor did it help to ease her pain. She was broken in so many ways that she had no idea how she would ever come back from it. All she wanted to do was sleep until May of the following year and forget that it had ever happened.

She got to leave the safety net of the hospital three days later, which Kristen right beside her. When she finally got to turn on her phone, she found numerous missed calls and texts from just about every boy in her boyfriend’s band. She cried softly the whole way that Kristen drove her back to her flat. And then Kristen, who couldn’t drop everything to help her like Matt would have, let her to her own thoughts and ‘what ifs’.

Ultimately, Mia knew that she had to call Matt and tell him. But for now, all she wanted to do was curl up in their bed and cry and sleep away this dream that she was obviously living in. She just wanted to find an escape from everything but she couldn’t. There was nothing to save her. No one that was her superhero that was on the same continent as she was.

Just as she was beginning to doze off, her phone rang, showing Matt’s smiling face on the screen. She grabbed it and answered softly, probably sounding as pathetic as humanly possible.

“Where have you been? Is something wrong?” He immediately demanded, his words coming harsh and fast and were oddly loud to be coming from her Matt. She immediately began to sob, causing Matt’s voice to quiet down as he asked her what was wrong.

“She’s gone, Matt. I lost her,” Mia spoke softly, as though it broke her heart to say those words. She had barely admitted it to herself and now she had to admit it to the man that she loved, the father that would never get to meet his baby all because her body was not appropriately made to handle a child.

“What do you mean? What are you talking about, babe? Who…,” He started but then stopped as he figured out what she was talking about, “No. Mia, baby. You’re lying.”

His hands shook as he made his way towards the couch in the bus to sit down as he held his head in his hands.

“I’m so sorry, Matt. I don’t know what happened,” She whispered, “I’ve been in the hospital for the past three days. Kristen offered to tell you, but I needed to do it myself.”

Matt couldn’t even believe the words that had made it to his ears. His baby, the baby he had been bragging about for the past couple of weeks was gone just like that. It was a girl; he had caught that somewhere in the way that Mia had referred to it as a girl.

“Did you name her?” He asked softly. They had talked briefly about names before he had left and he was suddenly distraught over the fact that he didn’t get a part in naming her. Beyond distraught, actually. He never thought that he wouldn’t get to meet the child that he had created with the girl that he loved.

“Yeah. Her name was McKenzie Marie, two names we both liked,” Mia answered softly, her tears still cascading down her face as she curled into the fetal position on her bed.

“I…I have to go,” Matt said and quickly hung up the phone, stunning Mia and leaving her gaping as she heard the dial tone.

How could he does this to her? She could think of nothing else as she cried on the bed, clutching at the last ultrasound that had been done, only one week prior when everything had been perfect. There had never been as much pain in her heart as there was at the moment. Her baby was gone, and her boyfriend ran away to do whatever.

She had always known that this was one of Matt’s downfalls. He had an escape for everything, anytime it got hard. Escaping was somewhat of a skill for Matt and it was that much easier since he was an entire continent away, especially from the people that he loved the most. He would push her away until they broke and she would just have to deal with it.

She wasn’t sure if she would ever get the chance to even tell him that she loved him again. There was no way of knowing if she would ever get a chance to even speak to him again. Somehow, she knew that they both needed a bit of time to deal with the loss that they both had been dealt suddenly.

In each and every scenario that Mia had played back in her head while being confined to the hospital bed, none of them had ended like this. She had never seen this coming.

And realizing that made it hurt even more than it did a few minutes before.