Always

Matt woke the next day in a cold sweat and nearly hit his head on the bunk above him, Oli’s bunk. He could have sworn that he had felt Mia’s breath on his cheek. But that wasn’t true because she wasn’t even on the same continent as he was. She was far away from him, which was something both good and bad. He could almost feel her next to him as he slept. Her cold feet and the pillows that they shared. Not the blankets though, since Mia was always a cold body and couldn’t be bothered to share the blankets with him. Well, she couldn’t really be blamed for what she did in her sleep. Most of the time Matt just found it cute anyway.

Mia was his perfect match in every single way that he had thought possible. And while they were not the exact same persons and their beliefs varied on certain things, they rarely fought. And if they did, it was over within a few hours. He had never really gone this long without talking to her and he was starting to get antsy. But he had deleted her number from his phonebook so that he wouldn’t succumb to the overwhelming urge that he had to call her. He just wouldn’t do it.

He sighed as he worked his way out of his bed and to the cold air on the outside of the bus. It was early morning wherever they were and the sun was just coming up. But he could already see a few cars in the parking lot. Those cars containing fans from various miles away who expected him to be at his best. None of those fans had any idea what was going in his personal life and he planned to keep it that way.

“Why are you up so early, mate?” Jona asked as he found his friend hanging outside the bus, sucking down some nicotine, something he hadn’t done in a long time. Matt simply shrugged, unable to come up with any words to answer his friend and band mate. He knew that everyone thought he was being dumb, and at points he thought the same thing. But Kristen had him convinced. Why would she lie about something like this? It got her nowhere.

Jona was the only one who had the decency to keep his thoughts to himself, no matter how rough they might be. He was quiet about whatever it was that he was thinking. It was nice, to say the very least.

“Alright then. I’m gonna go see what time we play today. Keep your chin up, alright?” He said and Matt just nodded, throwing his cigarette on the ground as he tried to figure out what he wanted to do with the rest of the day. And the best thought that he could have was finding someone to fill the void that he had in his heart right now. Deep down he knew that replacing Mia would never actually happen. But he didn’t care. He was going to do it. And he was going to take care of it as soon as possible.

Later that day, after they had played and Matt had a couple drinks in him, he went on the lookout for someone that caught his attention. Someone who didn’t look like Mia; someone who looked exactly opposite of her, actually. And he found her, she was flirting around their merch booth, obviously looking for one of them when Matt came around the corner. He found out her name was Amelia and that she was 20, coming to Warped for her fifth time. He invited her back to the bus and never thought twice about it until he saw Oli’s face turn to a scowl.

“Guys, this is Amelia. Amelia, the guys. We’re gonna go watch a movie in the back, alright?” Matt asked, getting a couple nods, none of them coming from his best friend or the younger brother of his best friend.

“Well, what do you want to watch?” She asked, setting her bag down on the seat on the right side of the bus. Matt shrugged and immediately went to the cabinet that they kept all of their movies, video games and other things in. He immediately went to the row of movies that they kept on the bus just for the girls. Footloose was Mia’s favorite, but somehow he didn’t think he would look very good if he grabbed that and tried to watch it with the girl that he wanted to screw to get his mind off of her.

“It’s up to you, babe. What’s your favorite film of the ones that we have on the bus? I realize it’s not a very wide array of them, but I’m sure you can find something that interests you,” He told her and she sent him a smile as he stretched out on the back lounge. Matt had no idea what she grabbed, but he would pretend to be interested as they watched.

A few hours later, Matt had thrown himself into a potentially hazardous situation with this new girl. He was quickly realizing that he was not Oli in any sense. And he honestly didn’t have it in him just to sleep with this girl and throw her to the side like yesterday’s news. He just couldn’t do that to Mia, even if they weren’t together. Sleeping with this girl would completely ruin any chance that they ever had at getting back together in any sense of the word.

But he couldn’t help imagining Mia with someone else. Sleeping with him in the car because he would be at home waiting for her or something. It should be him, god dammit. Not whoever this guy was. He should be with her right now, holding her tight. But he wasn’t. He could almost fucking see her dancing around their living room with a smile on her face, singing something weird like “Purple Rain” or any other Prince song.

She was haunting every single thing that he did. So when he almost broke down while telling Amelia that he couldn’t do anything with her and showing her to the door, he knew that he had fucked up somehow. Somewhere, in the short time that they had been watching a movie to the time that Amelia had tried to make out with him, Matt had realized that Kristen was probably lying. But he wasn’t sure if he would ever really be able to get back to how things used to be.

Oli found him first, since everyone had left the bus when he came on with Amelia. He found him leaning against the cupboards in the makeshift kitchen area of the bus and sighed.

“Figured it out, did you? That loving them and leaving them isn’t as easy as it looks?” Oli asked, hoisting his skinny self up so he could sit on the counter. He grabbed an apple, the one healthy food that was left on the bus and tossed it for a couple seconds while he watched his mate lower his head to his hands.

“What did I do, Ol? What in God’s name did I do?” He whispered so softly that Oli didn’t even know if he actually heard him or if he just imagined his friend, “I fall in love with stuff all the time. This bus, you guys. But I have never loved someone as much as I love Mia. She’s everywhere right now. She was Amelia somehow and it almost sent me into a fucking frenzy, that bird thought I was mental.”

“You went mental for a little while there, anyone would have in your position, mate. But you handled it much worse than I ever expected of you. You’ll figure it out. I think you need to talk to Kristen first though, bro. We’ll be home in two weeks. You broke Mia’s heart, give her some time and then work your way back in. Be prepared that she might not let you. You fucked up good, bro.”

“You act like I don’t know that, bro. I have never known something better than that.”