Always

For Matt, two weeks seemed like an eternity. He spent most of the time holed up in his bunk, trying to figure out a way to apologize to Mia. He hadn’t found one that would work out just yet, but he was trying. He knew that she had moved out thanks to Oli, who she had sent a text to just to let him know. And to tell him that if he found anything that belonged to her to send it her way. She had left her new address so at least Matt knew where she was, but he wasn’t very happy about it. It wasn’t in a good part of town, despite the fact that she knew she could go to any one of the boys that she had lived with for help. Oli, her best friend in the group, wasn’t particularly happy about it either. But Mia was being stubborn to say the very least. She was not accepting help from anyone, not even Tom who had become a sort of neutral party in the whole war.

When he stepped out of the car in Sheffield, all he really wanted to do was go inside and hold Mia. But he knew that she wasn’t there. Oli placed a hand on Matt’s shoulder as they walked into the house together. Everywhere in the house reeked of her. Her light perfume was on every damn surface of the house, he was convinced. But the bedroom was the worst part. She hadn’t made the bed before she left. She never did like to make the bed, period, so it shouldn’t have been surprising. But somehow, it was like his heart broke as he looked at it. He set his bag down on the floor, not even wanting to look into the half empty closet or the drawers that were obviously a lot less full. He sat down on the bed, paying no attention to how his hands shook as he placed them on his knees. The whole room was designed in a way that they both enjoyed, meaning that her fair share of ideas and plans were in the room.

“You want to go out for drinks tonight?” Oli asked, sticking his head into the room that had once held a happy couple. Matt shrugged, unsure if he could physically do anything except wallow in his misery on their first night back.

“Come on. Kristen will be there. Gives you a chance to figure out what actually happened,” Oli said, starting to take a step into the room to try and give his friend some sort of something, but realized that he had no idea what to say or do for him. He had never seen Matt so down in his entire life. It was like he had become a new person and this new person was void of any and all of the real Matt.

“Alright. When are we going?” Matt asked, going to the bag of semi-dirty clothes by his feet. If Mia were home, a load of these would already be in the wash and they would be tumbling into bed much to his friends chagrin. But this was not a usual homecoming. Even though they were all getting ready to go out as a welcome home bash, it was not normal to be going out without Mia and everyone in the house knew it. Mia was more babysitter than anything on nights like this, but she never really seemed to mind. She made sure that everyone got home in one piece and that they each had a bottle of water and some sort of medication next to their beds when they woke up. The blinds and curtains were always shut and she made sure that if they had anything metal on them, such as a belt or a necklace of some sort, that they came off before they passed out. Shoes came off too, because no one liked to sleep in shoes she said. For Matt, she would get him out of his clothes and lay there listening to him mumble about the future until they fell asleep. She was a wonder, Mia was. And each boy in the house would miss her, but each had high hopes that she would eventually return and that Matt would figure it out.

They made it to the usual bar by 9 that night, all of them more than ready for a drink. They grabbed a table in the corner, sitting in the dark corner and handling a couple of beers. Matt, however, didn’t really seem to be into it. And everyone in the band could see it, but no one wanted to comment on it. Matt didn’t really know if Kristen was actually going to show up or if it was just Oli’s way of getting him out of the apartment that had shadows around every corner.

But now Matt was worried that he was going to look like an asshole. Well, even more of an asshole. He had dumped Mia because her best friend had said a few things and planted a few thoughts. But what if she was lying? What if Mia really did just lose the baby and nothing nearly as dramatic as Kristen claimed as true? He would look like an idiot in front of all of his friends. But he honestly wouldn’t care. The worst part would be if Kristen had actually told him the truth.

By the time Kristen had walked in the door, Lee and Kean were both well on their way to being drunk. Oli, the usual drunk, had been going drink for drink with Matt, just to make sure that he wasn’t too ridiculous to deal with the girl that had ruined the relationship he had worked his whole life to build. He also didn’t really want him to deal with it alone.

“Hey guys! I’m so glad you’re all home,” She said and slid a chair up in between Oli and Matt. Oli tipped his glass at her, taking a sip before giving her a tight lipped smile.

“Good to see you, Kris. How’s life been?” Lee asked, motioning for the waitress to come over and get them another round.

“Pretty good. Just hanging out, ya know? Nothing to do without you guys around, really,” She said, shrugging as Lee, the drunkest of them all laughed at her.

“Mostly because you’re a whore,” Lee said, giggling. Matt and Oli shared an awkward laugh while everyone else around them laughed hysterically.

“You’re such a dick sometime, Lee,” Kristen said, downing the beer that they had delivered to her only moments earlier. Matt just looked over her head at Oli.

“So, how’s Mia these days, Kris?” Oli asked her, knowing full well what the answer would be.

“She’s a mess. Her and that guy are still hanging out all the time. Her apartment is so shitty, though. I don’t even feel comfortable going over there,” She said and Oli laughed sarcastically as Matt set his beer down on the table, his hands shaking.

“Can we talk outside, Kristen?” Matt asked her, trying to spare both of them some humiliation.

“It’s cold out there, what’s up, Matty?” She asked and he just gave up. He didn’t care if she made a fool of herself in front of them. She obviously didn’t care that she was about to be shown up in her lie.

“Alright. I guess we’ll do this in here. There is no other guy in Mia’s life, is there? Because she could never do that to me. She didn’t kill our baby, she lost it. I figured all that out. What I can’t figure out is why the fuck you did it. She was your best friend and I thought of you as a good friend, so did the rest of the boys I surrounded myself with. I told them nothing about what I started to figure out, and I was going to keep them out of it, but you deserve this. So explain it to us, Kristen. Explain to us what was so God damn important that you ruined a bunch of relationships,” Matt said, cool as could be as his friends looked on shocked. Matt had never, ever been cruel spirited. But it was obvious that this secret had sat with him long enough. And Oli couldn’t have been more proud of him as he took another sip of his beer, stopping the waitress to order a round of shots, telling her to only bring back something strong enough to stop traffic.

“I…What…She didn’t deserve you! God dammit, Matt. I’ve been in love with you forever and she did nothing to deserve you. She got pregnant when obviously your lifestyle isn’t even meant for a child. You deserve someone much better than her. Mia isn’t even pretty and she comes from the slums!” She started and Oli couldn’t take it anymore, he threw back a shot and held an arm out to keep Matt from jumping across the small table. If looks could kill, Kristen would have been dead a long time ago.

“Now Kristen. I don’t wanna be bad news, but I would suggest that you quietly get up and walk out of this bar and never show your face here again. Or I will kindly let my best friend beat the shit out of you. And I’ve never seen him even raise his voice to a woman. You’re leaving a bad smell in this room and a bad taste in everyone at this table’s mouth. So we’ll see you on the flip side,” Oli said and handed her a five dollar bill from his wallet, “That’s to pay for the income that you lost tonight.”

“Matt. Come on, you honestly can’t believe what they’re saying. It was all for you, I swear to it,” She said, sliding her hands along his leg suggestively.

“No, Kristen. You did it for you. Now do what Oli said and leave. Don’t bother talking to Mia or myself or any of these guys around me,” Matt said, smiling sarcastically at her, throwing back his own shot.

“You’ll go through hell without me. You’re nothing without me, Matt,” She growled.

“I was never with you, Kristen. I was with Mia. You meant nothing to me. And if I’m going through hell, I’ll have a smile on my face. Even if you try to ruin my whole life, I’ll still have a mark on the place. Just go,” Matt said and sighed as she left, “I need another drink or seven.”