If She’s My Dream Girl, Then Why Do I See Her When I’m Awake?

Mike Posner

From the moment I heard his song on the radio on my way to school I knew it would be my anthem for a while. It’s like he knew the kind of girls that came after me. And he knew how agitating it was when you could hear a girl coming your way because of the shoes she’s wearing. That was exactly how I felt when I asked for a pass to my locker to go get my books that I forgot, and I heard Olga’s friend Tracy walking down the opposite hall, before she rounded the corner onto my hall.

Tracy was a nice girl and all, but she never gave me the time of day. She was way smarter than Olga. She had brains, a hot body, and an amazing face. Needless to say my little friend was attracted to her, and sometimes I couldn’t help but feel the anticipation when she was around.

Today was different however. I was scrambling to get to my locker to get back to class because my teacher decided he wanted to cover a subject in English that I always had trouble with, parallel structure. I grabbed my grammar book and the book we were reading for class, and all but shrieked like a little girl when I noticed there was a girl by my locker, looking confused as she read the numbers on the lockers. However this wasn’t just any girl, this was my dream girl, with different colored hair. She was so small and teeny compared to me. I towered over her like a predator.

I held my hand to my chest as I tried not to gasp out of a shocking fear. She didn’t seem to notice, to my luck. She kept looking at the same five lockers reading them over and over again. I heard Tracy as she exited her own classroom and began making her way to the girls bathroom, which my locker was conveniently located right next to. I fumbled with my things and looked at my changed dream girl and decided on helping her out. Maybe by doing that she might want to befriend me.

“Hey,” I began, while trying to put my books in my back pack, without dropping them, and close my locker at the same time. “Do you need any help looking for something?” I concluded once I managed to successfully close my locker and put my books in my bag.

“No, I’ve got it.” She dismissed me, without even looking up.

“I mean it’s really no problem. I could help you out if you like.” I attempted again.

“No, really I’ve got it.” She dismissed me again with a wave of her hand.

Amazingly, I hadn’t realized it until now that Tracy’s steps were getting louder and louder with every step she took. It was really beginning to mess with my thought process.

“Look,” I proposed once again. “I really don’t mind helping you out. You don’t even have to consider it helping. You could consider it assisting.” I smiled humbly.

I thought for a moment, she was going to look up at me, smile, and welcome my assistance, but when she looked up it wasn’t at me, but the complete opposite direction than I was standing in. Tracy had just turned the corner wearing a tight baby blue top, a pair of extra skinny, skinny jeans, and high heels so high and thin you could stab someone in the eye with them. Tracy let her long chocolate hair down today so it was sashaying from side to side with every step she took.

She seemed to ignore the two of us until she got within good eyesight of us, and a smile I have never seen her give me before slid across her face. Her steps became quicker and more fierce and b-lined straight for me. At first I thought she had just seen the bathroom, but then she spoke my name. I was partially stunned for a moment before she got in arms distance and she practically threw herself at me.

“Hey Dom,” she spoke with a quixotic tone. She gave me a hug that I thought was would be ever lasting, until she broke it, pecked my cheek, and continued on her way to the bathroom, just behind me.

When Tracy was gone so was my changed dream girl. I did a 360 and saw her fleeting visage as she turned the corner. I wanted to follow her, I truly did. But something inside me reminded me I had to go to back to class.

By the time Chemistry came along I was all but calm about it. Chemistry was the only class we shared, and I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could. Her seat was ever so conveniently located behind me. I sought to fix that. I wanted her by my side, or at least in front of me. I had to talk to the teacher about this. I listened and took notes all class period long, I understood everything the teacher was talking about. By the end of class I couldn’t wait. Having her sit behind me was like not having her there at all. I couldn’t just turn around in the middle of the class to look at her. If she were next to me, or before me, then I would have no problem with creeperishly staring at her. But, then again if that happened then I wouldn’t pay attention in class, and if I didn’t how could I help her out when she needed the help.

All the reasoning I thought of before the bell rang went out the window once that insufferable bell alarmed and I walked up to the teacher and asked her to move my changed dream girl’s seat. Unfortunately she didn’t think that that was such a great idea. People had been sitting in the seats before she arrived and she shouldn’t be given special treatment. And if she needed any help she could always tap my shoulder or wait until the sessions to ask. My mission was a complete failure. She shot me down faster than I thought possible.

I made my way to practice only to be pulled around a corner and have my lips smashed upon someone else’s. The lips were plump and pouty, and with a light stickiness. I tried pulling away, but slender hands wrapped themselves around my back. My eyes bulged in shock when I realized Tracy was kissing me. It boggled my mind why she would do that. Especially since she told me that Zeus would have to fiddle his way into her dreams and tell her that if she didn’t make me hers then he wouldn’t make her a sky nymph, before she would ever consider me and my heart breaker ways. I asked her out two years ago, in a history class. But I already had a rep by then, even though I was only fifteen.

And yet here we were, her kissing me, and me, too confused to do anything but let her. As I let myself let go, I saw a small glimmer of blood red hair in my half opened eyes. I immediately opened my eyes and saw her walking down the hall in our direction.

With all my might I pulled myself out of Tracy’s strong grasp. Normally I might have thought her grasp was a turn on, but my changed dream girl was headed in our direction, and I still had yet to make a good impression on her. I pulled my shirt down and smoothed out any wrinkles that might have been made on my shirt before smiling at her, and saying hi to her as she walked by. What I hadn’t noticed was the fact that she had headphones in and was, most obviously, not even noticing my presence just mere feet from her.

She continued on down the hallway bobbing her head to her music, while I stood there looking like a complete dumb ass. When I turned back around, thinking that maybe I could get some more out of Tracy, since my changed dream girl doesn’t even know I exist, she was gone. I hadn’t even heard her leave. Mike Posner, if her steps are supposed to make that much noise, why didn’t I hear her leave? I was alone in the hall way.

The only thing I had left to do was go to practice. So I did.

“Ahahahahaahahahahahahaha, Are you serious, Dom?” Andrew laughed at me. I told him what had happened in the hall. My hopes that he might be just as confused as I was were squashed when his big mouth opened and he started laughing. Asshole.

I didn’t know how to explain it any better than how I had originally explained it. I was with her and I wanted to help her, talk to her; become her friend. But she refused me. She refused me like she didn’t even remember me; like I never existed in her life, like we hadn’t share dreams when we were little. But she didn’t recognize me, and she didn’t want to talk to me. The only other person I know who never really wanted to talk to me was Tracy, but that’s exactly what she had done. She spoke, and flirted with me. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.

I thought about those little two minute events for the rest of the day. I thought about them at practice, after practice, at home, while doing my homework, while I ate dinner with my family, even right before I went to sleep. However, thinking about them before I went to sleep might not have been a good idea. I have a very expansive imagination, and I dreamt about them.

I was there at my locker, again, thinking, again, what the hell parallel structure was, how I should use it, and where I should use it, and why the hell was I going to use it. Then, I saw her walk down the hall. She was looking at the numbers again. She seemed fuddled, like she knew the number had to be there, but it wasn’t. I sauntered up to her and stood at arms distance. “Here let me help.” She didn’t look at me as she dismissed me. But I persisted, I knew this was a dream, I could feel it. And, I wanted to talk to her, even if it was just in a dream that I would be doing it. She wouldn’t look at me and I could see that her hair looked the same, but this time it was slightly disheveled. “Are you okay?” I asked slightly bothered that we were in a dream and she looked worse than the perfection I remembered her to look this morning.

But she dismissed me again. Not even bothering to look at me. I couldn’t stand it! I wanted her to look at me, to remember. To know that I was the man of her dreams, literally, and I would do everything in my power to make her happy. I didn’t think of the consequences of that thought though. Because the next thing that I knew I was hanging off of a cliff in a pre-thunderstorm.

The clouds were so dark they were almost black. Thunder rolled and cracked and the only light that came to the sky was flashes of lightning. How had I gotten here; falling off a cliff? I dared not look down as I began descending through air after the ledge. But I managed to grab a hold of the ledge of the cliff and hold myself, barely. I was going to die. And I didn’t know what had sparked such a crazy dream. Thunder cracked the sky open as lightning flashed and I tried to swing my other hand to get a good grip. But it was to no avail. I was handing like Cliff Hanger from “Between the Lions” I believed that as soon as the humidity reached the dew point and rain came tumbling down, that I would surely loose my grip.

But that was when I heard it. A feminine voice; her voice. There was no mistaking what I heard, even with the clashing and rolling of thunder. I heard her voice; it was distant but I heard it. My ears began to ring but I forced myself to keep my eyes open and looking up as I watched helplessly as she ran in my direction and slid to me, feet first, like I was Second base. When she stopped she swiveled her body so hard I felt the ground shake in my grasp. I looked up and noticed the rain beginning to fall. It seemed to be moving slowly compared to her. I watched it come down and greet my body just after her hands grasped my arm.

The thunder didn’t let up. And the lightning began to get more frequent. My ears continued to ring with the loud crackles of thunder. I didn’t think I would be able to hear anything over the thunder. But I heard her voice, and I looked at her face. “Are you stupid!?” She screamed at me over the loud crackles of thunder. Why would I be stupid? “Do you have some crazy death wish!?” She continued as she tried pulling me up by digging her heels into the ground beneath her. “Are you going to help me help you up, or are you just going to dangle there like a fool?” She grunted out as she pulled, still. I reached out and got a good grip on my free hand and began pulling myself up.

She gave me one last tug, probably not realizing that I was helping myself up as well. We tumbled off the ledge and I fell on top of her. She wasted no time in throwing my off of her. We lay there for several seconds in the hard rain that sometime since I began watching it fall to earth began falling with force. I felt like I was getting poked with cold needles. I sat up completely drenched and looked at her, eyes closed, laying still in the cold rain.

I think she felt me staring because she opened her eyes and in a flash she was on her feet yelling at me. “Do want to die or something along those stupid lines?” She questioned. “Stop doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? Never mind I don’t want to know. Just leave me alone!” She finished, quivering under the heavy rain. I just sat there on the cold ground looking up at her, before she stormed off. I got up to follow her and apologize. What I was apologizing for, I had no idea. But as soon as I began running I was back in the school, and completely dry. I was walking down the hall, ready to pass the intersection of hall when I got tugged to the side and I looked at the person who grabbed me and saw it was Tracy.

I though I knew what was going to happen next. She would kiss me and I would kiss back, and then my dream girl would walk down the hall and I’d push Tracy away. But Tracy didn’t kiss me. She pulled me close and gave me a hug. A warm, deep, hug. And I felt like I really needed it for some reason. “I may not want you, but I will always be here when you need someone to listen to your woes.” As I began to hug her back thought I heard heels clicking. I looked out of curiosity and I saw my dream girl in a cute puffy dress with heels on and a pair of aviators. Before I knew it I started thinking about the Mike Posner song.

Her heels clicking made it all the more funny. She didn’t even notice I was standing there, arms wrapped around Tracy in a comfortable fashion. I looked at her and said hi, but she continued on, not once even glancing my way, or even acknowledging my existence. The Posner song continued and I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was going on, until everything began to fade and I was back in my bed looking at my phone playing the song. I thought about it for a moment. And I couldn’t remember putting the song on my phone. It fit, but just for today, I’d have to change it, and soon. That was not a song I wanted to continually wake up to.

Before I knew it I was running to the bathroom for a release, man I had to go. But I couldn’t figure out why I had to go so bad. After doing that I began to get ready for school; get ready for another day where I would try and talk to my changed dream girl, who I didn’t think wanted anything to do with me.