If She’s My Dream Girl, Then Why Do I See Her When I’m Awake?

Oh Britney Spears. I grew up listening to your girly ass music and those Sexy moves that made me think of things I most definitely should not have been listening to. Then you went and married that dumb ass who had two children who he barely ever saw, and he got you pregnant, twice! After he left you, with half of your money, you made a song everyone knows was based on him. That is when you killed me. Because of that song I have an anthem to go along with my rep. So here I am to thank you for making the song Womanizer.

I had been trying to get to know her for the past week. But every time I got a word in edgewise I was dismissed and gotten away from like I was a plague. I tried saying hi to her on my way to class, when I saw her in the hall, during lunch, even in chemistry. My failure felt epic, especially since every time I tried, and got rejected, Andrew was right there, one hand in his thick blond hair, while the other was holding his abdomen as he clutched it before bending over to laugh all the air out of his chest.

My week consisted of consistently getting either dismissed or completely ignored, hiding in the bathrooms right after eating lunch, and hearing Andrew’s unnecessary laugh that sometimes became contagious. If I wasn’t trying desperately to get my changed dream girls attention then I was trying not to laugh with Andrew, while trying to knock him out for laughing, or I was hiding from Olga in the boy’s bathroom.

Practice was even worse because at some point Coach had seen me trying to talk to her, and get dismissed, and he made a game play called Kylee. The quarter back would get the ball and fake it to me before throwing it to the wide receiver, who would play the ball, as far as he could. I didn’t like the play it was gay. The point of the play was for me to have the ball almost in my clutches to then have it ripped away and thrown as far away from me as possible. It was utter bullshit. Bitch ass coach was just messing with me.

My game was . . . better. Not only did both of my parents show up but so did she; my changed dream girls. We were in our third game of the season, and it was a beautiful autumn day. The air cool, as the hot sun beat down upon the earth, giving everything a nice harvesty feel. Like things were changing and soon it would be time. But time for what, I wasn’t sure, maybe the end of my third season playing football for the school.

As the sky began to darken and the sun stopped shining on the field I was called from my parents, at the stands, and into the locker room. The pep talk wasn’t really a pep talk; we went over strategy plans, again. Our opposing team hadn’t lost a game all season, and we hadn’t lost one. So if we wanted to keep our standings we would have to beat them. But the thing was that they weren’t an easy team to beat. Every team who had played against them won lost miserably; never scoring past 30. But our strategy had been a good one; we knew their strongest players were strewn on both sides, offense and defense. We also knew that their players were either really good or really sucky, none really in the middle, and they always played the good ones first. And then the sucky ones. We would drive hard defense, and keep cool with the offense until half time. Then we would murder them.

As amazing as coach had believed he planned our strategy I knew we couldn’t afford to “play it cool until half time”. This wasn’t the super bowl, where Drew Brees amazingly brought his team back from extinction after the second half. No, this wasn’t some New Orleans miracle. We were going to give it our best the entire game. Pace ourselves, not get too caught up in winning. Steady, consistent progress it what would get us places, not running in their like headless fuckin’ chickens.

I heard the Mcee announce who the singer for the National anthem would be, and I called the team to the entrance of the school’s field, as we waited to be introduced. We came in jogging with our helmets held high as we formed a single file line after jogging under the goal post. I watched at the JROTC color guard moved their flags and rifles into what I had been told and over heard as “presenting the colors”. My team as well as the crowds, who were standing, held our hands to our hearts as a voice lifted us into spirit as our national anthem began flowing melodically off the lips of the singer in the scoring box. The voice flitted out of the speakers around the field. And I closed my eyes and listened. I never looked at the girl who always sang the national anthem; I didn’t want to ruin my mental image of her, because in my mind she was too beautiful to show me her face. She always kept it in the dark, and I was okay with that because she was still beautiful.

I heard her vocalizing at the end and initiated the team to lift up their helmets, and as the last few words made their way to our ears we began yelling our battle cries and fist pumping the sky as we shook our helmets.

I stayed in the game as long as I could, huddled as much as I could, and made sure my team stayed on their toes. I even had a conversation with my co captain, the leader of the defense. We strategized before the game started because we would have to wait until the first half was over to talk again. I ran as many plays as I could, and kept my boys on task so Andrew wouldn’t get sacked. This school was notorious for sacking the quarter back and blitzing him. And I knew Andrew didn’t like letting go until he was sure it could make to its destination.

We were fierce and never tiring. This wasn’t soccer, cross country, or track, and more than half of us were also on one of those teams as well, so we weren’t getting tired and we weren’t letting up. We were going hard and strong. The cheerleaders we being commanded by Olga to my right, and they were cheering my name. Andrew was giving me smiles and knowing glances as he heard them roaring, “Go, Fight, Roar,” and “ Go Dom!”

At the end of the first quarter we had a small ten minute break, to which I went and drank some water out of the Gatorade jug we had, while Andrew went and bought himself a hot dog with everything. I shook my head and chuckled as I watched his retreating for heading to the concession stand his mom and aunt were running. I relaxed a bit as I drank and looked up to the score bored to see that we had scored twice, while the other team had yet to score.

“You know Dom, you surprise me every time you play.” Tracy said sitting next to me.

My mind shut itself off at the sound of her voice and my mind tried to register what had just happened. I pulled myself together in time to give her a questioning look

“I’m just saying, you’re a really good runner, you make Tristan’s running back look like a sloth.” She said with a smile.

“Thanks.” I replied not really knowing what one would say to that.

Tracy looked at me for a moment. She gaze wasn’t friendly but it wasn’t unfriendly either. She looked at me like I was a stranger.

“We used to be really good friends, you and I.” She said. There was a long pause as her words sunk in. There was a time when she and I were the best of friends. We would do just about everything together. But this was before I went on my mad hunt for a girl I knew in my dreams, who never told me her name. “But then you changed, and you started asking almost every girl we ran into to be your girlfriend.”

Again another pause as the words sunk in. I didn’t want to speak an answer so I continued to just look out onto the field as the timer counted down. “Then you got so wrapped up in this fantasy world that you stopped talking to me all together. I tried calling your house, coming over for visits. I even invited you to my all girls sleep over; because I knew you liked girls so much you wouldn’t be able to stay away. But nothing I did could ever get you to talk to me the way you used to, or look at me the way you used to.” Her voice lowered from its normal confidence, to a sweet sad voice, to a small sad and uncertain one. The pause she left for me to take everything in was even larger than the ones before. But I took it in nonetheless. I absorbed her words because she was Tracy, and what she was saying was true. After a long moment, I took a sip of my water before saying something.

“I guess you’re right.” I replied in a stoic voice. I remembered wanting to go that slumber party she had for her birthday, solely for the purpose of being around all those girls with not a parent in sight and to find my dream girl, and maybe have some fun along the way. But my mom refused to let me go, because it wasn’t right that I had been ignoring her and avoiding her, to then use her for girls.

“And as you grew older it got worse, and before I knew it we weren’t friends anymore. One day you even asked me who I was. It was like you didn’t remember me at all. Like you had completely forgotten all about me, and the fond memories we had.” She paused again, but not for nearly as long. Maybe she saw that her time was running down, as the timer reached closer and closer to 00:00.

“And look at us now, were strangers, you asked me out freshman year. And I rejected you; probably one of the only girls to have ever done it. But I did. And you didn’t even care that much. But I did it because you were a man whore at the time. I know what you have and have not done with girls because somehow it always gets back to me; I know what lies and I know what’s true, but there are some things that are questionable. But one thing that isn’t, is the fact that you’re a womanizer.

“Beware with this new girl you’re trying on for size. She has heard enough about you to know to steer clear. And from the looks of it, she won’t be catching your bait anytime soon. I’ve hear her dismiss you, and I’ve heard her talk shit because you wont just leave her the hell alone. She thinks you are by far the worst welcoming committee in the history of time.

“I suggest that if your really serious about wanting her, then you should stop with the whole “I know you want me but because we go the same school you wont be able to have me” shit, because she might just be able to see through it like no body else can.

“Oh and just so you know, this entire time she’s been rooting for the Howling Wolves, and their quarter back.” She said before she got up and walked away. She gave me a speech and I didn’t even interject. I just drank my water, and poured myself more than whenever my cup was empty. It was like I didn’t even care. And I reckon that if it were another time besides after the first quarter of a good game I would have paid more attention and absorbed everything better. But the only thing that registered was her talking it up with one of the quarter back from Tristan High, who just so happened to be named Tristan. It was disgustingly ironic. And just as I looked over to the direction the opposing team was on I saw her. Tracy was right; she was talking it up with the quarter back.

My body tensed up and I felt unnecessarily possessive. She was mine, even though she never liked talking to me. She was mine. I was the one she would dream with, I knew about all her problems as a kid. But there she was on the other side of the field, with the other team supporters, talking and laughing with Tristan from Tristan.

I angrily drank the remainder of my water before crumpling the paper cup in my hands an throwing it on the floor. I didn’t give a damn that I was littering I was at a football game, someone would come after me and clean it anyways. Just then Andrew came jogging up to me with only half of his loaded hot dog left and his mouth full. He said something but the greedy muther fucker had too much fucking food in his mouth for me to comprehend. But before he could ask again the buzzer went off and I grabbed my helmet as I watched her hug Tristan, and possibly give him a kiss, before returning to the bleachers while Tristan and I both ran into the field where our teams were already lining up waiting for the next play.

What I hadn’t realized was that Tristan was on offense not defense so he was just coming out to tell something to the one of the guys on the defensive line, before running back the side lines. I was pissed there were no other words; I’m not old enough or smart enough to know any other words, and like most hot head teens I revert to the foul limited twenty five word vocabulary when I’m angry. Big smart words didn’t cut it. I wanted something clear and concise at the time, and that fit.

The next quarter was us pulverizing them. We slayed them like it was nobodies business. I didn’t let them get the ball for anything. Their downs came and went faster than they themselves went down. I wasn’t playing anymore. I wanted to make them look like shit compared to us. They played good but I was out for gold, and possibly blood. They only got two sets of downs in the entire eighteen minutes of the second quarter. The first time I did nothing as I got off the field but tell the team they better bring it or no party. But the second time, I grabbed one of the biggest line backers on the team because he was situated right across from Howling Wolves’ center. I pulled him towards me and I told him to push off as hard as possible, and tell everyone out there that if the QB held onto the ball for too long to go right ahead and blitz them.

Half time was crazy the cheerleaders almost got into a fight, school colors almost clashed, they were very close to it. Olga in her black and hunter green cheering costume got into the other Captains face, for I don’t know what but the other captain in her dark blue and dark grey cheering costume, got right back in hers. I had secretly hoped for a good fight. But knowing girls, especially cheerleaders, they solved it with words, and in this case those words were cheers. I watched as they moved as they cheered when something in my peripheral caught my attention and I averted my gaze.

It was her, my dream girl, walking across the field towards Tristan. He sat next to the water, like I was, with a big goofy smile plastered on his face as he watched her. When she got to him she immediately sat on his lap and cradled herself into his chest. I became angry when I watched them and then I felt like a peeping tom watching them. But I didn’t want to look away, I had too many thoughts floating around in my head, mostly pertaining to her.

Soon though my gaze was averted, not of my own free will however, but because my dad sat next to me, and started talking to me. It was a great distraction; we walked to the bathrooms and did our business, while talking. We talked about a number of things like how hard I was playing and if I knew that there was a college scout at this game watching me and the Howling Wolves’ quarter back. I rolled my eyes every time my father mentioned his name.

It was a blast spending a good quality half hour with my dad. He wasn’t there very often, because of work. But when he was we did guy stuff together and we had a good relationship. My dad was the dad for people who didn’t have a dad, mostly some of my fatherless friends, like Lacey. He was the authoritative figure that governed the house, and my mom didn’t care because he didn’t govern her, and she was happy for that.

My dad was a business man, with a really high paying, job that had him at the office all the time, and on trips away from home. My mom and I only ever went to the good trips, like the ones in Vegas. My dad wasn’t that closet sleaze that normal men in his line of work are, and I have to thank my moms’ quirkiness for that.

I remember when he went away on a trip for a few weeks and my mom couldn’t get in contact with him at all, and she was distraught, and when he came back home he told her that he had almost cheated on her, and was too ashamed to talk to her, lest he tell her and she not forgive him. Well, that night I needed help on my homework and I couldn’t find my parents, mostly I was looking for my mom. I didn’t think about knocking when I entered my parents’ room, and that had been possibly one of the most awkward, unpleasant moments around my parents, because my mom was riding my father and he was screaming her name. I stood there for a good thirty seconds too shocked to move and my mind just absorbed what I was looking at.

It was like I was smacked with passion. Before then I had never seen people make love, sure I had seen people fuck before, and people have different kinds of sex, but never make love. When my feet finally moved I escaped the room and closed the door behind me. They didn’t even know I was there. I sat next to the door like a nasty boy and listened in a they finished and my dad made a joke about what he did, saying, “If that’s what I get as a welcome home, after a situation like what I had, maybe I should have that almost happen more often.”

To which my mother laughed a powerful laugh before replying, “Baby you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you cheated on me, you couldn’t even talk to me after almost cheating. But thank you for telling me, it made me scared at first but then it felt good knowing you cared enough to tell me, and baby that was a big turn on, but if you want more you’ll have to wait because we have a son, and I don’t thing he’ll want to hear this.” My mom opened the door and turned a slight shade of red as she saw me sitting next to the door with my homework in one hand and a pencil in the other.

“Dominic, you know if you want to you can just walk up to her and say hi.” My dad said as he caught me staring at Kylee. “She’s a very nice girl, your mother spoke to her. They had a very nice conversation about her hair.” He said with a slight chuckle.

“I’ve tried talking to her dad, like everyday. But she always shoots me down. It’s frustrating.” I said following my dad as he walked up the bleachers to where my mom was sitting with a group of women.

I heard my dad sigh as he saw them as well. “It never fails.” He said shaking his head. My mother had a nasty knack for attracting feminine attention wherever she went. She just had this friendly air about her.

“Dad be glad it’s women and not men.” I said giving him a light nudge with my shoulder, as we both chuckled and my dad rolled his eyes, remembering when that used to be a problem. He’d walk away to get her something and when he’d get back she’d be swarmed by men. But then she would politely ask them to leave because she needed alone time with her man. And they’d go!

I walked up to my mom and excused myself between the women and sat between my mothers legs and she began to stroke my dirty hair as I leaned against the bleacher she was perched upon, and closed my eyes as I waited for the long half hour of a half time break that we were given. Her fingers running through my hair let me forget about everything that was going on, about Kylee and Tristan, about Olga, and about Tracy. It was just my mom’s light words as she continued to chitchat while she absentmindedly stroked my dark locks.