Faith Against Fate

9 Years Ago. Motel 8. Midlothian, Virginia.

The wind outside was cold, but with Sam asleep in the room we didn’t really have anywhere else to go. It was late, and the only places around here that were open required a quality fake ID. Some bouncer shredded ours in front of our faces back in Omaha, so we were up shit creek, so to speak.

“I’m gonna kill that guy Andy if we ever drop by his neck of the woods again. He said those things were fool-proof,” Dean shook his head and took a sip from a bottle of wine.

Just because we didn’t have ID’s anymore didn’t mean we still couldn’t get what we wanted, though. We staked out the liquor store for nearly an hour before I could convince a guy to buy us something, and even then he only came out with a single bottle of merlot. He kept the rest of the money we gave him, saying shit like, he shouldn’t have done it anyway, and who were we gonna tell? Dean punched him in the face, and I kicked him in the nuts, but we were only able to make it outta there with the wine before the store manager came out after us.

John always gave Dean money so we could eat, but since I usually went with him on his little “trips,” most of the time there was a good bit left over. Dean always saved whatever he didn’t use so we could go out and have some fun once Sam was asleep. We never went too far, and it made it easier since the places we usually crashed at were in seedy areas of town and there was almost always a bar next door.

Tonight was a rare opportunity for sure, since John had decided he didn’t need me on this particular trip. He’d only left a few hours ago, and said he wouldn’t be back until morning.

“How much did you pay Andy, again?” I asked.

“A hundred fucking bucks,” Dean slammed the bottle down on the cement table.

“Hey now! Easy with the goods,” I swiped it away from him, taking a long sip myself. “Woo,” I shuddered, “asshole couldn’t even get the good stuff.”

“Yeah, well that’s what we get for standing out there all day like idiots,” he took it back, taking an even longer drink than me.

“It worked didn’t it? At least we have something.”

“Yeah, when we could have had a bottle of Jack we end up with some shitty wine. Not sure I consider that working.”

“What the hell is the matter with you tonight? Jeez, you sound like a spoiled brat.”

“Name calling really gets me in a better mood too,” he replied, his voice thick with sarcasm, “so just keep at it. I dare you.”

I stood up, pissed. “If you’re gonna be an ass the whole night then I might as well go to bed…”

“No, Faith wait.” He grabbed my arm, “I’m sorry, okay?”
I looked from his hand holding my arm, back up to his face. “What is up with you?”

He pulled me down beside him on the bench. “Look, Dad just said something tonight that bothered me. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

I felt my stomach clench up. It certainly wasn’t anything good if it bothered Dean this much.

“What did he say?”

He sighed, “Right before Dad left he told me something. Something that he normally wouldn’t say.” He sat quietly for a minute, as if he were debating on whether to tell me or not.

“What is it?” I finally asked, getting more anxious by the second. He finally looked me in the eyes.

“He told me to watch you, Faith, and keep you close.” Dean then looked at his hands, clasped in his lap. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“He says stuff like that all the time Dean, don’t scare me like that. Why is it bothering you?”

He shrugged, “It was the way he said it I guess. It wasn’t like when he tells me to watch out for Sammy, you know? It was more like…like he was telling me not to let you escape or anything.”

“Oh,” I said, somewhat surprised. I had no doubt that that was what John meant, but the fact that he was attuned enough to realize I had thought about running away before bothered me. I found myself becoming anxious again.

“Talk about a sudden change of attitude,” Dean quipped. “Is that what you think too?”

I chose my words carefully. “Let’s just say I don’t envision myself doing this for the rest of my life, and John might not be too happy about that.”

“Oh come on. Dad doesn’t hold you captive here. You can come and go as you want, and you know that.”

“Then why did you immediately think that Dean? Why does it bother you?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged again, “maybe it was more the thought of you trying to leave.”

“Would you do what he says and make me stay?” I asked, “even if it was what I didn’t want?”

“I would try to make you stay, yes. But not necessarily because he told me to.”

“Then why?” I asked, drinking from the bottle of wine again. I was starting to feel light-headed and carefree, a very good combination. I drank it again to try and ebb the anxiety away.

“Maybe because Sammy needs a female figure around, like a mother.”

“I’m not a mother though, Dean. I’m sixteen.”

“Yeah, well maybe I need a female figure around,” he replied, taking the bottle from me.

“Oh really?” I laughed, “You mean those girls you shamelessly seduce at school aren’t enough?”

“Nah, they’re just practice,” he answered before taking another swig. I swatted his arm.

“You pig. Practice for what?”

“Practice for…for when I really like someone and I want to amaze them with my incredible kissing skills.”

“Haha!” I burst out laughing, hiccupping as I did. “You have amazing kissing skills? The last girl I talked to who you ‘seduced’ said kissing you was like kissing a puppy. All slobber and no skill.”

“Excuse me! When was that, like, a year ago? I’ve grown since then thank you very much.”

“According to her I certainly hope so,” I laughed.

“I…you…I’m not gonna sit here and take this. I can’t believe she talked about—”

“Relax!” I cut him off before he could get graphic, “I’m only messing with you, jeez,” I laughed. “Can’t you take a joke?”

“Not about that! My reputation is on the line here!”

“It’s okay, I won’t tell,” I batted my eyelashes, which seemed to infuriate him even more.

“That’s it,” he stood up while I laughed my ass off, “I’m gonna have to show you now.”

I stopped laughing.

“What?”

“I’m gonna show you. Come on.”

“Wha—no. No Dean, just no. I DO NOT need to see that part of you, I swear…”

“Oh my God, that isn’t what I meant!” he cut me off.

“Then what the hell are you talking about?” I asked, confused beyond words.

“The kissing thing!”

I was taken aback. “Seriously? You’re going to kiss me just because made fun of you?”

“I am going to demonstrate to you just how ‘skilled’ I am.”

“What the fuck would I compare it to? I’ve never had a guy kiss me before!”

Now it was Dean’s turn to be taken aback. “You haven’t?”

“No! When would I have had the opportunity? When I’m not at school I’m either with you or your dad.”

“Really? You’ve never dated a guy at school?”

“I don’t know Dean, have you ever know me to randomly go out at night with other guys?”

“No.”

“Then there you go.”

“Wow.” He rocked back on his heels. “That’s kind of…sad.”

“Oh my God,” I threw my arms up in the air, “thanks Dean. Just, thanks.” I stood up, fully intending to go back to the room and sleep. I was starting to get a headache.

“Wait, Faith,” he stopped me again, planting himself right in front of me. “I’m sorry. Again. I didn’t mean that you were sad, I just meant that it was sad you’ve…never enjoyed it before.” He said the last bit with a smirk on his face, and I didn’t know whether to slap him or laugh.

“Whatever,” I shook my head. “Apology…kind of accepted.”

“Only kind of?” He truly smiled this time, and his dumb grin was infectious.

I nodded, “Until you can make it up to me.”

“Somehow I don’t think you’re talking about a case of beer,” he was still smiling, but there was something else in his eyes that caught me off guard. For a second I thought it was just the haze in my mind from the alcohol playing tricks on me, but when he began leaning in closer that illusion was out the door in a flash.

He kissed me. Just a peck, but it was on the lips. I didn’t move, too stunned and too afraid I’d do something wrong. He didn’t pull back all the way, so when he spoke I felt his breath feather over my lips.

“Just say no, and I’ll never do it again,” he promised, his hand running up and down lazily on my arm. Despite the chill in the air I felt blazing hot.

On an impulse I leaned back in, essentially giving him an answer when I kissed him the same way. Just a light peck.

His eyes were wide when I pulled back, like he couldn’t believe I wouldn’t say no. I just stared back, my insides twisted into burning knots. I knew that I wanted him to do it again, but I couldn’t say the words. I let my eyes show it, and I parted my lips ever so slightly. We met in the middle this time, and he let me take the lead. It was just a series of light touches at first, our lips barely meeting.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, and one of his hands held my face as the other wrapped around my waist. I pressed my body against his as tightly as I could when the burning sensation grew, and in response he became more aggressive, first tugging at my lower lip and then grazing it gently with his teeth. I did the same to him, and a low sound came from his throat.

Before I knew it, my back was against the massive oak tree beside the benches, and my hands were searching for bare skin. I let go of his neck and slid my hands under his shirt, causing him to shudder. He did the same, and it was my turn to make a small, encouraging noise.
We were so wrapped up in our activities that we didn’t hear the car pull up in front of the motel, or the unmistakable sound of its engine being cut off. We did, however, hear the door being slammed forcefully against the Impala’s frame.

“DEAN!”

We broke apart quickly, and Dean put at least ten feet of space between us. I just stood by the tree, staring John down defiantly as he marched towards us, his steps heavy and loud on the gravel.

Dean started walking towards him, “Dad I’m sorr-,”

“You shut up and get your ass in that room! I’ll deal with you later!” John cut him off, yelling in his face.

“Yes sir,” Dean replied automatically, obediently. He left me there alone, without looking back once, and I felt betrayed. My eyes burned as I watched him go, and then I felt used.

I was disposable. I didn’t mean anything to him, and I wasn’t worth sticking up for.

“I thought I made it clear to you that my boys were off limits!” John turned his attention to me, and I whipped my head around to face him.

“Well maybe you should have said the same thing to him because I was not the one who started this!”

“You think I’m stupid? I know he probably started it, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t have said no!”

“So what? I’m his moral compass now?!”

“No, you’re an essential tool when it comes to finding the bastard demon that killed my wife, and not a damn thing more. You’re a hitchhiker I picked up on the way and decided to keep because you were useful.”

“I know exactly what I am to you, John. And now I know exactly what I am to Dean, so just shut the hell up already and leave me alone. You don’t have to worry about me going anywhere near your precious son again.”

I shoved myself off the tree and walked away from him and the motel, not really caring where I ended up. I just knew that I needed to get away. I didn’t need my clothes in the room, and I didn’t need money. John didn’t follow me, so I assumed he was too pissed to care that his “essential tool” was running away.

I started walking down the highway that ran in front of the motel and maintained a good pace. I kept myself warm by moving quickly, occasionally sticking my thumb out as the rare car or truck passed by. I was just a “hitchhiker” anyway. After all, I thought it was fitting to live up to my name.
No one stopped for me though, and I had been walking for at least an hour. My hands were starting to go numb, so I stuffed them into my pockets, but soon I was too tired to keep up my fast walk and I started to get cold all over. I could see my breath in the chilling air coming in short puffs as I started to shiver.

I kept walking though, the thought of going back not even an option in my current state of rage and misery. I thought about my parents, and cried just a little, but the tears made my face too cold and I forced myself to stop.

After another hour or so I was totally frozen, shivering like mad in just my hoodie and a pair of ripped jeans. So when I saw the headlights illuminate the ground in front of me from an oncoming car I almost threw myself onto the street, waving my arms like crazy.

I could have cried with relief when I saw the car slowing, but I quickly realized that it was definitely not the ride I was looking for.

The Impala slowed to a stop beside me, and I took off. I ran away from the road, across a ditch, and through an apartment complex.

“Faith!” I heard my pursuer call after me, but I just kept running. I had no idea where I was, so of course I finally ended up cornered between a fifteen-foot high fence and the two-story building. My only option was to climb the fence, so I latched myself onto it and began the arduous climb upward. I didn’t get far, however, before two hands grabbed my waist and began pulling me backwards.

“No!” I screamed, kicking out backwards. “Get off of me, I’m not going back!” But I had already lost the fight. I felt my foot connect with something solid, but they were able to yank me off soon afterwards. Two arms wrapped around my mid-section from behind, pinning my arms at my sides.

“Would you calm down! Damnit Faith, stop it!”

“Just let me go, please!” I begged, still fighting.

“No! You’re acting like a crazy person! What the hell were you thinking going off like that?!”

“Let me go!” I screamed again, struggling as hard as I could. Dean didn’t say anything else and just held on, waiting for me to wear myself out.

I finally went limp after a minute, too exhausted to keep fighting. My own legs were hardly supporting me anymore.

“I can’t do this anymore, Dean. I can’t!” I half-sobbed, attempting to wiggle my arms out in one last, desperate attempt. He let go this time, apparently satisfied that I couldn’t go anywhere. My legs promptly gave out as soon as his support was gone, and I crashed to my knees on the pavement, barely registering the pain.

“Jesus Faith!” he exclaimed, immediately there beside me, supporting my weight. “What the hell were you thinking with this stunt? You’re frozen!”

“I don’t care,” I answered, my voice bland. All of my energy was expended, and I had no choice. I knew I had to go back, and there were no two ways about it. The fight left me and I had nothing else left.

“I’ve gotta get you back so you can at least get warm. Are you gonna kick me in the face again if I try to carry you?”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to talk.

Dean took a chance and lifted me up anyway, carrying me all the way back to the Impala.

He was the obediant son and came after me, just like his father told him to. He took me back against my will, and I knew what he'd said earlier had been a lie. He'd abandoned me at the snap of John's fingers, and the puppy anaolgy from before suddenly seemed eerily accurate.