I Wish You Would Step Back From That Ledge, My Friend...

Sophie’s eyes peeled open sometime around ten a.m., and she was alarmed to find herself restrained. It had been a while since she’d woken up like this and it didn’t click immediately that it wasn’t dangerous. Had she remembered falling asleep in Garrett’s arms, her heart wouldn’t have stopped for a split second and it wouldn’t have started pounding its way into her dry throat.

Sophie knew that Garrett was supposed to be her confidant; he was supposed to listen to everything that had happened and accept it sans judgment. She was well aware that she should be glad to wake up in his arms because it was comfortable and his embrace offered more security than she could find anywhere else. But she wasn’t.

She was torn. There was a feeling taking over her body that she didn’t entirely understand. Sophie had secrets. There were things she didn’t even tell Garrett, and that scared her. If she couldn’t tell Garrett then she couldn’t tell anybody. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell him; it was simply that he would hate her. She couldn’t think of a way to explain it without making herself seem like an idiot.

Garrett’s arms were a cross between a safe haven and a prison cell. It was torture to stay there, but if she tried to pull away she knew she’d wake him. The silence was eating away at her and had she been alone she’d be crying so hard that she wouldn’t be able to breathe. But she stayed in his arms, toying with and twirling the hairs at the nape of his neck as a distraction, admiring how soft and delicate they seemed.

A smile had briefly crossed her lips when he began to stir. Waking him hadn’t necessarily been her intention, and she was entirely unaware of how much her actions could really be disturbing him. The smile on her lips grew as he yawned, pulling her into him and nuzzling his way into the crook of her neck. Her cheeks flushed scarlet as he placed a soft kiss on her collar bone, slowly pulling away and unwrapping an arm from around her to push her hair from her face. “Morning.”

“Hey,” she smiled in reply, watching as he switched arms and propped his head up by his elbow. “I’m sorry I woke you.” He shook his head, eyes gleaming with an emotion she was still too naïve and broken to place.

“No reason to apologize.” She nodded, out of words to say. It was only then that she cast her eyes downward, becoming enthralled by her sheets. “You alright?” It took a moment of thought before she shook her head, recalling the consequences of one of the last times they’d shared her bed. “Hey,” he whispered, lifting her chin so she’d look at him, “what’s the matter?”

Again, it wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell him; it was that she couldn’t. It was torture to keep this to herself. The truth was ripping her apart. She was tired of lying and hiding everything. But if she told him she was afraid he’d hate her—or worse, tell her brothers. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just…nothing. Never mind.”

He was concerned by her reaction. He was used to the water works and the saturated eyelashes and the puppy dog eyes. It never crossed his mind that she was capable of hiding something from him, even if he may have known what it was. “Soph? Babe, it’ll be okay, just tell me. Is it about James? What’s goin’ on?”

Her lips were pressed into a straight line so her sobs couldn’t slip past. But it was pointless. Garrett could still feel her shaking; see the tears milliseconds away from cascading down her cheeks. “Babe? Soph, come on. It’s just me. I’m here, I promise. I promise, babe, talk to me. Did James do something to you? Did I do something wrong?” Her head shook back and forth, but she knew he wouldn’t stop. “Do you need me to go get Pat or Tim? Did you want to talk to Jared or John or Kenny? What do you want? I’ll get you whatever you want.”

“Garrett, shut up,” she whispered trying to end the conversation. Her tear ducts were producing fluid too quickly and it was spilling over. “One day, hun, one day when this whole thing blows over, then we’ll talk about it. Some day this whole thing won’t matter anymore and we can talk about what happened.” She squeezed her eyes shut, praying he’d just let it go. But he was going to say exactly what she didn’t want to hear.

“Sophie, open your eyes,” he cooed. “Soph,” his voice came as a hesitant whisper, “Sophie, look at me.” It was hard for her to do, looking him in the eye, but still, she did it. “Babe, I know. Okay?” Her heart stopped beating momentarily as she processed his statement.

“You know nothing,” she stated sternly. “You have no idea what happened.”

He tried to hold her as she shook, but she wouldn’t have it. She got crazy when he was holding her. It made her want to go back to those nights when nothing really mattered and she was just a normal sixteen year old girl. She wasn’t ready to be an adult. “I know,” he soothed. “I know, Soph.. But we can get through this.”

It was the last part that threw her off, because if he knew he’d know she couldn’t get through this. “How?” she croaked. “How do you know? What do you know?”

“I know,” he stopped to lick his lips. He was barely conscious and he wasn’t sure why he was telling her what he knew. She was going to have to tell him eventually anyway. “I know,” he paused again, inhaling sharply. “I know that you’re pregnant.” The words dropped from his lips like a bomb. “I-I know that you’re pregnant and I know that the baby is mine.”

Shock swam across her features as the words slipped from his lips and were processed by her brain. “You couldn’t be more wrong,” she whispered. “I’m not pregnant.” It wasn’t a lie. She wasn’t pregnant.

“But, I found the pregnancy test on the counter in your bathroom. It was positive.” She shook her head, trying to concoct some kind of lie. “And I know you’re having my baby, and I know that this whole thing with James and blaming yourself needs to end. Not for either of us, but for the baby.” Her eyes were wide, pupils dilated and her thoughts weren’t coherent. It wasn’t like her to be this confused. Usually she knew what was going on, but she was being overloaded and couldn’t help the truth gliding off of her tongue.

“Garrett?” she questioned, trying to get rid of the burn in her throat, “There is no baby—not anymore.”