This Blood Is Gonna Wake the Night
Fights over states
I'll admit that being locked up for nineteen years causes sexual frustration but I've never given in to it. So it wasn't any different when some royal asshole called Jay dared a woman a few years younger than me called India to come on to me. As much as we all care about each other and take care of each other, we need something to amuse ourselves, right? And, hey, how amusing must it be to try and taint the only 'sexually pure' grown man in your cell?
I was lying back on my bunk with a cigarette dangling from my lip when she clambered up there with me. There's nothing I have against India, she's blessed with incredible good looks, but I've just never found anyone attractive in this place. And if I did ever decide to stain my body, I'd want it to be with someone I thought special and not in a crowded cell or the crowded cell's bathroom with people watching or listening for entertainment.
"Hey, Gerard." She growled seductively.
"Hi, India."
She licked her lips and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes but I ignored her, calmly smoking my way through my cigarette. I deliberately played coy when I saw her staring hard at my lips, a seductive look in her eyes, and held out my cigarette box.
"Did you want one?"
Her eyebrows went straight up to her hairline and she wore a look that clearly stated that she thought I was some kind of retard. But she immediately forced a smile back into place and forced out a laugh.
"Thanks." She smiled falsely, taking one from the box.
I sat up properly with my lighter and lit it for her. She spluttered on it immediately, giving it away that she didn't smoke. An amused smirk spread over my lips as I watched her. While I inhaled the smoke and allowed it to swirl around inside me, she just kept it in her mouth for a second and then let it out again. She looked like a little teenage girl, desperate to fit in with her rebellious smoker friends.
"I didn't know you smoked."
"Well, nothing wrong with trying something new." She shrugged, putting it back between her lips as if she were already an expert smoker.
"You trying to get a point across?" I questioned innocently, twiddling a strand of hair.
"Maybe." She smirked, licking her lips again.
"And that would be?"
"C'mon, Gerard, you're not that dumb." She squealed.
"Maybe I'm not that innocent either."
"Oh, please," Jay smirked "Everyone in here knows that you're still a v."
"And what if I am?" I demanded "What business is it of yours?"
"Dude, it's embarrassing."
"It is?" I questioned, not that I was interested.
"Just thinking about it makes me cringe."
"Well, don't think about it, then."
"Dude, we're trying to help you here."
"Maybe I'm happy being a 'v', as you like to put it."
“Are you serious, man?”
I briefly tilted my head and refocused my gaze on the ceiling, concentrating on my cigarette. Grey smoke drifted lazily in the air as if it didn’t have a care in the world. Of course it didn’t. Smoke has no digestive system, so it can’t feel near-starvation. Smoke doesn’t have emotions, so it can’t be brought close to tears due to missing its family. Smoke doesn’t have a mind, so it can’t think wistfully of its next meal. Smoke has no pain threshold, so it can’t scream and writhe in agony as its convulsion arrives. Oh yes, smoke doesn’t realise how lucky it’s got it.
Would it make me insane to wish I was smoke? I just can’t help it. I’m restless. Keen to feel grass under my feet. Longing to feel the breeze on my forehead as it effortlessly whips my hair from my face. Desperate to feel rain falling down onto my skin as the sky above me weeps.
“Just leave the guy alone,” Tom snapped, jumping to my defence “If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to!”
“Dude, he’s twenty-seven and he’s still-“
“What the hell makes it your business?” I snapped, turning on him irritably.
Everyone in the room was staring at the both of us. I think they were waiting for the fight to erupt. And, believe me; I sure as hell wanted to give them a fight. There may not be a lot of me, but I will happily admit that I’m a tough thing.
I sat up and cracked my fingers, prepping myself for if he wanted a fight. He smirked.
“Problem?”
“Yeah, actually.”
“C’mon then, let’s have it out.”
“Sounds good to me.”
So I jumped down from my place on the bunk, landing almost silently. Yes, I can do it. It took years to learn to do it and I still can’t always do it these days. We stepped closer to each other, me scowling and him smirking arrogantly.
BANG
The door crashed open and we all turned to see who’d just burst in and disturbed the ‘suspense’. A muscular man with designer stubble on his head. He was beefy and looked like the type of guy who could break your neck with one hand.
“You!” He exclaimed, pointing at me “With me, now!”
“Wha-“
“Now.”
“Ok, ok, I’m coming.”
And I swept after him, following him out and watching him slam the heavy door shut. He then gestured for me to follow him down the white, echoing corridor.
I was lying back on my bunk with a cigarette dangling from my lip when she clambered up there with me. There's nothing I have against India, she's blessed with incredible good looks, but I've just never found anyone attractive in this place. And if I did ever decide to stain my body, I'd want it to be with someone I thought special and not in a crowded cell or the crowded cell's bathroom with people watching or listening for entertainment.
"Hey, Gerard." She growled seductively.
"Hi, India."
She licked her lips and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes but I ignored her, calmly smoking my way through my cigarette. I deliberately played coy when I saw her staring hard at my lips, a seductive look in her eyes, and held out my cigarette box.
"Did you want one?"
Her eyebrows went straight up to her hairline and she wore a look that clearly stated that she thought I was some kind of retard. But she immediately forced a smile back into place and forced out a laugh.
"Thanks." She smiled falsely, taking one from the box.
I sat up properly with my lighter and lit it for her. She spluttered on it immediately, giving it away that she didn't smoke. An amused smirk spread over my lips as I watched her. While I inhaled the smoke and allowed it to swirl around inside me, she just kept it in her mouth for a second and then let it out again. She looked like a little teenage girl, desperate to fit in with her rebellious smoker friends.
"I didn't know you smoked."
"Well, nothing wrong with trying something new." She shrugged, putting it back between her lips as if she were already an expert smoker.
"You trying to get a point across?" I questioned innocently, twiddling a strand of hair.
"Maybe." She smirked, licking her lips again.
"And that would be?"
"C'mon, Gerard, you're not that dumb." She squealed.
"Maybe I'm not that innocent either."
"Oh, please," Jay smirked "Everyone in here knows that you're still a v."
"And what if I am?" I demanded "What business is it of yours?"
"Dude, it's embarrassing."
"It is?" I questioned, not that I was interested.
"Just thinking about it makes me cringe."
"Well, don't think about it, then."
"Dude, we're trying to help you here."
"Maybe I'm happy being a 'v', as you like to put it."
“Are you serious, man?”
I briefly tilted my head and refocused my gaze on the ceiling, concentrating on my cigarette. Grey smoke drifted lazily in the air as if it didn’t have a care in the world. Of course it didn’t. Smoke has no digestive system, so it can’t feel near-starvation. Smoke doesn’t have emotions, so it can’t be brought close to tears due to missing its family. Smoke doesn’t have a mind, so it can’t think wistfully of its next meal. Smoke has no pain threshold, so it can’t scream and writhe in agony as its convulsion arrives. Oh yes, smoke doesn’t realise how lucky it’s got it.
Would it make me insane to wish I was smoke? I just can’t help it. I’m restless. Keen to feel grass under my feet. Longing to feel the breeze on my forehead as it effortlessly whips my hair from my face. Desperate to feel rain falling down onto my skin as the sky above me weeps.
“Just leave the guy alone,” Tom snapped, jumping to my defence “If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to!”
“Dude, he’s twenty-seven and he’s still-“
“What the hell makes it your business?” I snapped, turning on him irritably.
Everyone in the room was staring at the both of us. I think they were waiting for the fight to erupt. And, believe me; I sure as hell wanted to give them a fight. There may not be a lot of me, but I will happily admit that I’m a tough thing.
I sat up and cracked my fingers, prepping myself for if he wanted a fight. He smirked.
“Problem?”
“Yeah, actually.”
“C’mon then, let’s have it out.”
“Sounds good to me.”
So I jumped down from my place on the bunk, landing almost silently. Yes, I can do it. It took years to learn to do it and I still can’t always do it these days. We stepped closer to each other, me scowling and him smirking arrogantly.
BANG
The door crashed open and we all turned to see who’d just burst in and disturbed the ‘suspense’. A muscular man with designer stubble on his head. He was beefy and looked like the type of guy who could break your neck with one hand.
“You!” He exclaimed, pointing at me “With me, now!”
“Wha-“
“Now.”
“Ok, ok, I’m coming.”
And I swept after him, following him out and watching him slam the heavy door shut. He then gestured for me to follow him down the white, echoing corridor.