Earthquake
Emerson
This feeling never leaves you alone
Guilt. It's what haunts me. It's what controlled my life for four years. It's what is consuming me now. The guilt of my parent's death. The guilt of all the hurt I had caused Frank. The guilt of abandoning Angela.
I never should have come here. It was a mistake, just like my life. Mistake after mistake.
"Emerson," Angela called out, her voice pleading with me.
I turned around to face her.
"Listen. It wasn't your fault. It was the man driving the car that hit them. It was his fault, not yours."
No. She didn't understand. It was my fault too.
"If it wasn't for me, they never would have been on the road, Angela. It was my fault that they were there. It was my fault that they were the car to get hit by that driver," I whispered my words. Not wanting her to hear them. Not wanting her to blame me.
"What? No. Emerson," she began.
"Yes. Angela, it was my fault," I told her raising my voice.
"How?" Angela looked at me confused.
"I was at Frank's house and we got into a fight. It was so stupid."
Tears ran down my face as I recalled what had happened.
"Frank was jealous of some guy that I was hanging out with. I can't even remember his name. I told Frank to stop being so overprotective. I told him he cared too much. You can never care too much."
I looked at Angela sitting on the couch, eyes down, not looking at me. She didn't say anything so I continued.
"My car was being fixed, so I had to call Mom and Dad to come pick me up. I was so mad at Frank. That was when it happened, when they were driving me home from his house. I was in the back seat. That's the only reason I didn't die. The other car hit the front, not the back."
I looked away from Angela as I finished, wishing I hadn't told her. I didn't want her to hate me.
I felt arms wrap around me. I looked up. Angela was hugging me and smiling. She was teary eyed, but she was smiling.
"It's okay Emerson. Everything is okay," she said.
If only everything was okay.
Hiding in your safe place, hiding with your eyes shut
Guilt. It's what haunts me. It's what controlled my life for four years. It's what is consuming me now. The guilt of my parent's death. The guilt of all the hurt I had caused Frank. The guilt of abandoning Angela.
I never should have come here. It was a mistake, just like my life. Mistake after mistake.
"Emerson," Angela called out, her voice pleading with me.
I turned around to face her.
"Listen. It wasn't your fault. It was the man driving the car that hit them. It was his fault, not yours."
No. She didn't understand. It was my fault too.
"If it wasn't for me, they never would have been on the road, Angela. It was my fault that they were there. It was my fault that they were the car to get hit by that driver," I whispered my words. Not wanting her to hear them. Not wanting her to blame me.
"What? No. Emerson," she began.
"Yes. Angela, it was my fault," I told her raising my voice.
"How?" Angela looked at me confused.
"I was at Frank's house and we got into a fight. It was so stupid."
Tears ran down my face as I recalled what had happened.
"Frank was jealous of some guy that I was hanging out with. I can't even remember his name. I told Frank to stop being so overprotective. I told him he cared too much. You can never care too much."
I looked at Angela sitting on the couch, eyes down, not looking at me. She didn't say anything so I continued.
"My car was being fixed, so I had to call Mom and Dad to come pick me up. I was so mad at Frank. That was when it happened, when they were driving me home from his house. I was in the back seat. That's the only reason I didn't die. The other car hit the front, not the back."
I looked away from Angela as I finished, wishing I hadn't told her. I didn't want her to hate me.
I felt arms wrap around me. I looked up. Angela was hugging me and smiling. She was teary eyed, but she was smiling.
"It's okay Emerson. Everything is okay," she said.
If only everything was okay.
Hiding in your safe place, hiding with your eyes shut
♠ ♠ ♠
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