I Kissed the Air

‘Let me in from the rain, don’t you let me go again.’ I mimed while walking through the empty wet streets.

The rain was cold, but not as cold as the wind that whipped around me. Either way it didn’t bother me anymore - I was far beyond here to realise or feel it. At the current moment I was like a shell, I felt nothing; I didn’t care about anything, I was just...there.

But not here at the same time, if that made any sense.

‘Let the water run down my face.’ I continued miming.

Sighing I pulled the wet strips of hair that stuck to my wet face. People were already staring at me for just walking openly in the rain from the buildings; I didn’t want any more attention. I wanted to be alone otherwise I might just crack. Not that my heart hasn’t already cracked into pieces.

How can the world turn update down in just a matter of moments? I just...didn’t understand it. I know even after a week I’m still in shock and just a shell of a person. I don’t know if I could or even wanted to snap out of it. The pain was there of course, no matter what, but it didn’t hit me as hard in one strike. I know that if the shock was to disappear right now, I’d fall to the ground and be in too much heartache to move.

I didn’t want that, at least not out here – where people were watching and in the rain. I may not care that much right now but I’m positive I wanted to keep all of my body parts.

He would have wanted me to stay in one piece...so I will. I just have to remember that and get home or where ever my feet were taking me. I not really paying that much attention, so I guess, at least I was going somewhere.

‘I’ll kiss the air, don’t waste your breath just fade away.’

Still miming that song, not really keeping the order of the lyrics I walked across the street and more rain pelted me. The drops were huge and had a good chance of actually hurting my skin, if I could actually feel it. I probably would later though, if I cared at all then.

I wish I could turn back time.

Not that would really change anything, he still had to go to work and that car would crash into him. I didn’t even see him that morning or the day before, I wish I did though. He was my best friend sure, but he was always the person I loved more than anything.

He was my rock, the person that didn’t have to do anything to make me smile, the person I could trust anything with unlike everyone else...he was just...always there. My angel of sorts, I guess he really is an angel now.

‘And well I'll pray that I'll be alright.’

Blinking I dragged myself out from where ever I was just enough to figure out where I was in reality, which happened to be at the gate out our house. Letting a deep breath go I opened the wooden gate and walked up to the front door. I grabbed the key almost automatically from the rafter in the porch and slide it into the lock.

The door fell open. I entered and shut the door quietly behind me. The water dropped from my clothes onto the ground. But I don’t care, it was only floorboards, if I don’t clean it up later it will dry eventually.

‘Well ok, I guess nothing good has happened yet.’

After showing and changing I laid down in our bed. I didn’t even bother going under the covers, if fact I didn’t even think of it. I just lied across it and looked up at the ceiling in the dark room.

It only took a matter of moments for those salty drops to fall. I didn’t push them, I didn’t sob nor did I try and stop them. They just ran down the sides of my face and onto the bed as I started at the ceiling.

‘You are so cold, I’m so alone.’

Slowly my vision started to blur and it looked like something was moving above me. But I didn’t move or blink. I just stayed staring.

‘Let me in from the rain, don't you let me go again.’

Even though my vision was so blurry I couldn’t make out the ceiling of the room. I could see...him. He was smiling at me and the love sparkled in his eyes like it did every morning when I first saw him after waking up.

‘I’ll kiss the air.’

I know that what I was seeing wasn’t real, just a fragment of my imagination. But honestly I don’t care. I could see him almost like he was actually here. So I sat up and moved my face closer to his. Looking into his eyes I placed my lips on his.

...though really all I did was kiss the air.