I'm Trying, I'm Trying To Let You Know How Much You Mean To Me

Some days later.
“Why did you do it?” My mom asked me about my new tattoo after I told her.
Frank and me got them yesterday
“Because I wanted. And I like it now. Mom, don’t worry. It’s small and noticeable only when I wear open shoes. If you don’t like, I can wear socks all the time I’m at home with you”, I said calming her down.
“I disgust any tattoos. Especially if they’re on my daughter”, my mom said firmly.
“But it’s done, mommy. I like it. There’s no way for you just to accept this fact”, I replied smiling mischievously.
“Yeah, you left me no choice”, he sighed and was about to walk out.
“Mommy, you’re nice and just the best! You’ll get used to my tattoo”, I exclaimed kissing her cheek and went out from the house for a walk in a joyful mood.
I was going to run somewhere. I wanted to have some physical exercises. My feet needed to be run by xD. So I was in my sport apparel. I pulled a hood on my head, switched on my iPod and run ahead listening Three Days Grace. After a half of an hour my mobile buzzed in the pocket of my hoodie. It was my friend Raquel. So I stopped and picked up.
“Hey! What ya doin’?” she greeted me.
“Running. It’s a sport day for me today”, I replied.
“Cool. We’re at school stadium. Wanna join? We have beer. And guitar. And beer. And so many things else!” she was exactly tipsy. “Oh, and Brendon asks you to come!”
“I don’t even doubt about it”, I said quietly smirking. “Sure, I’ll come. Don’t go away. I’ll be soon. Okay?” I replied.
“Oukaaay!” she yelled and giggled.
So I directed myself to the stadium running or walking fastly either. After some minutes my mobile buzzed again. It was Frank. I picked up.
“Hey, bro!” I greeted him without breaking running.
“Hey! How’s your tattoo? What did your mom said? She was angry?” he asked.
“A little. But it’s alright. And you?”
“Nobody noticed. You could guess. But I enjoy my look now. I’m cooler. Exactly”, he replied.
I laughed.
“Listen, I’m going to a school stadium now. Wanna with me? there are my friends. We’ll have fun”, I said running gasping a little.
“What you’re doing? Running?” he asked.
“Yeaah!” I gasped and stopped eventually.
I was tried a little.
“I have a weak wish to hang out with your friends, to be honest…”, Frank said.
“I promised we’d drink?” I asked.
“Yeah”, he answered.
“So, you have to go with me”, I said.
“Okay, where are you?” he asked.
“I think, I’m somewhere near your house”, I replied looking around. “Just go out at the main road”.
“Ok, I’ll call you”.
I put my mobile in the pocket back and kept walking. After some time Frank and me met each other and joined my friends. They had really much beer! xD firstly Frank acted a little shyly and spoke with a reluctance. After some glasses we all felt ourselves “great friends to death!” xD Frank and me, of course, perfomanced our tattoos. It even seemed to us to be a good toast to drink to xD. Then Frank played some nice songs. We all were singing along and had a really great fun. We made a big noise there and left much garbage. But being responsible and adult people we gathered it in one big package. And we left it there xD. After very much time and four my mom’s calls I decided to go home. So we all decided to go home. So I can say I was drunken. I mean I was understanding the world around me, but I was a little bit slow. When everybody found their own houses, there were only Frank and me keeping walking to our houses.
“You’ll have a night in my house?” I asked him.
We were going keeping, hugging and holding each other.
“If you want. Smashing night!” he looked up at a starry sky. “Where’s Polar Star?”
We stopped and looked up at the sky together. I found that star and showed him.
“Clear. I’m bad in astronomy”, he said.
“Let’s go ahead. Don’t forget about my mom”, I pulled him to go.
“Call her and tell you’re coming”, he said.
“You’re smart, I see”, I replied.
“What do you think, may be Gee’s looking at this sky too now? May be he’s watching it too now?” Frank said with beaming face.
His words seemed to me the worst thing I’d ever like to hear. In addition I was drunk and felt myself more freely. I decided I could do anything…
“Please, don’t tell me about your Gerard. I know enough. I’m sorry, I’m fucking sorry, but I can’t stand hearing about this person anymore! I understand you both love each other. It’s enough for me! it’s fucking enough! Don’t torture me by telling how much you fucking love each other! Don’t torture me”, my voice came to whisper with last words.
I ended and kissed his lips (his wanted lips) slightly for some seconds. He pushed me abruptly and looked madly. I kept silence. He looked away.
“I’ll go to my house. Be careful. You almost came”, he said.
Then I saw him turning around and going away. I stood for a while, then smiled licking my lips. “to think about Gerard is just a habit…a bad habit for me”, I thought and my smile disappeared. It dawned at me that I’d have to meet Frank tomorrow somehow and say something…What?..
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Well, he shouldn’t know my real feelings to him. At least he should know it’s dangerous to drink with me or to be with me drunken xD. I’ll lie. And it’ll be for good. What good? Some good for him and our friendly relationships I don’t wanna lose. But not for me, it’s exactly. But to say straight to him that I’m in love with him and that it was a reason of my kiss and words then is the stupidest thing. My story is that I remember nothing from last evening. We can continue our friendship.
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The next I tried to explain Frank my behavior. I found him in his hidden place at a break time. I came up to him with confident steps and look.
“Hi. What’re you doing?” I asked looking down at him.
He was sitting on a grass.
“Nothing”, he replied.
“Look, I don’t remember clearly, but I feel I made something wrong yesterday. You’ve looked at me strange today, I noticed. And now…Well, whatever I did and however I acted – just take it easy and forget. And please, don’t talk to me what I was doing. Just beer is a magic drink”, I said.
“you really don’t remember?” he asked. “I don’t think you were so drunken”.
“Frank, I swear, I say the truth. It’s all because of beer xD I made something awful? Sorry. It was not me”, I made the cutest smile.
He laughed, but a little bit nervously.
“Take it easy, Frankie, really. Let’s pass it by. I don’t think it’s so important. Am I right?” I was checking him.
“Yeah, you are right”, he spoke slowly.
“wonderful. You reached your house alright?”
“yeah. And you? How’s your mom?”
“I think she slept when I came. I awoke her and run upstairs to my room”, I replied.
“your sport day turned to be anti-sport”, he joked.
I laughed.
“I’ll try again today after lessons”, I said. “Wanna join? I mean, to run with me”.
“No, I’ll be busy”, he replied.
“Ok, so when I’ll see you?” I asked rumpling his hair.
“I don’t know”, he mumbled and then looked up at me. “you don’t pretend saying you don’t remember?”
“Fuck, of course. I have no clue what I was doing last night. Just answer, I made something awful? I hurted you?” I was playing very good xD.
He replied not at once.
“It was not so awful…and not so painful…”, he smiled. “But it’s wrong to be happened again”.
“No matter. it’s all the same I don’t remember. The whole way to the home was in a vague fog for me”, I replied.
“you think that wrong was happened there?” he looked at me suspiciously.
But I knew what to reply.
“I have feeling that was happened to two of us. We could be together at that part of the evening. In another time we were in the company. If something went wrong, they’d tell me today anyways. Am I right?” I tried to look simple and not very sure.
“Well, I don’t know”, he replied.
“Me too. Well, I apologize once again. Call me when you’ll be free”, I said. “guys liked your playing yesterday”.
He nodded. I waved farewell and walked away. On a school porch I gasped with a relief…