It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!

“Hello?” I answered my phone as if I didn’t know Carter was on the other line.

“Hey! What’s up?”

“I can’t answer that question,” I stated like a military personal being asked about some secretive mission.

“Why not? Are things not up?”

“I don’t know how to adequately respond to the question.”

“I hear ‘nothing’ is the usual answer,” even though I couldn’t see Carter I could tell he was rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but I don’t feel like nothing is enough so then I add something, and that just sounds stupid. And also, I don’t know how to continue that. You just sounds so weird so I usually ask how are you, but then the person asks how I am in return, and then I get more questions about well being than the other person! IT’S MADNESS I SAY!”

“Um okay than. This is a weird role reversal,” Carter thought out loud.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Usually I’m acting ridiculous.”

“Usually? You’re always ridiculous. Right now you just happen to be having a normal moment.”

“Well, I’m glad that was cleared up,” Carter heaved a sigh of sarcastic relief.

“Is there any specific reason you called?”

“Well, you are my girlfriend, and being such, I would like to know if you wanted to do anything?”

“I’m gad you should ask such a question because we’re going on a date with Carmen and Brian.”

“Oh well I’m glad you made plans without letting me know and such.”

“Good! Pick me up at Seven. The movie starts at eight. We’re meeting Carmen and Brain at Cinema World at seven thirty,” I spit out the details before hanging up. The best man slaves were the ones that were completely unaware that they were man slaves.

***

The doorbell rang at five of seven. Carter was becoming the best Man Slave ever. I let my mom open the door. Now that Carter and I were officially dating it was okay for them to shmooze. He needed to be on my mom’s good side so family parties would not be awkward.

“Ellis! Carter is here!” my mom called as I heard her open the door.

“Hey Mrs. Davis!”

“Hi Carter! Come in!”

“Thanks!”

I listened to the small talk my mom and Carter shared while I finished getting ready. I had to make sure I looked perfect. The key to a man slave was getting him hooked on my amazing looks and reeling him in for the long run with my winning personality.

“Where are you two off to tonight?”

“I believe we’re going to a movie with Carmen and Brian.”

“That sounds fun!”

“I’m ready!” I broke into the conversation as I bounded into the living room.

I saw Carter’s eyes light up as he laid his eyes on me dressed in a purple shirt/dress that hit my upper thigh, wearing no leggings. It was still too warm for that.

“You two kids have fun!” my mom left the room with her classic good bye. “Call me if you’re going to be late Ellis!”

“Don’t worry! I’ll get your daughter home on time!” Carter puffed out his chest and wrapped an arm around my waist.

“I know you will Carter,” my mom’s smile widened as his husband material status increased two fold.

“Don’t worry! I’ll get your daughter home on time,” I mimicked Carter once we had both gotten into his car.

“Shut up!” he leaned over and began to shower my neck with those suck-like kisses. “You look quite sexy!” he brought his head up to give me a once over like he was about to devour me whole.

“Thanks!” I smiled widely. He was falling right into my trap. “But we’re going to be late if we don’t get going.”

“Can’t we just skip this double date thing?”

“Carmen was just so excited. We can’t let her down.”

“Fine,” he sat back down in his seat, and put the car in drive. “What movie are we going to see anyway?”

“I believe the Twilight Movie!”

Carter groaned louder than a male hippopotamus who was trying to protect his territory.

“Why? Why God? WHY?”

“Oh come on. It can’t be that bad!”

“Says you!”

“Well, we’re going to see this so suck it up.”

“I hate you.”

“Feeling’s mutual.”

“Can’t we see something with a little less...sap?” Pleeasee?”

“Carmen and I have been waiting forever for this to come out!”

“But vampires don’t exist!”

“Neither does James Bond, but you’ve seen all those movies!”

Carter gasped and clutched his chest before huffing, “Don’t you ever take
James Bond’s name in vain in this car.”

“Oh please. You just wish you could be one eighth as cool as him. And stop arguing, we’re going to see Twilight.”

USE OTHER DOORS! A big red sign covered the six doors that stood in front of us.

“More walking!” I whined, staring across at the other sets of doors that were all the way on the other side of the movie theater.

“Not to worry!” Carter puffed out his chest and put his hands on his hips purposefully. “I’ll kick a door open for us!”

“Ummm, these doors are glass.”

“Well that just makes my job easier.”

“Stop trying to be James Bond. Let’s just walk around to the other side,” I sighed.

“Wait,” Carter began several minutes after we began the long and arduous trek to the other side of Cinema World. “What makes you think I’m not James Bond?”

“Well, Carter, there’s a simple explanation why. You’re not suave...at all, and James Bond needs lots of suaveness.”

“I don’t have suaveness? I’m the suavest of all the land!”

“You keep telling yourself that. Give me a piggy back ride!” I demanded.

“What do I look like? A pack mule?”

“A little around the nose area.”

“That’s really winning you a piggy back ride. Besides, we’re almost there!”

“Edward Cullen would give me a piggy back ride.”

“Well, apparently Vampires are push overs then.”

“Or maybe they just know how to keep women happier than ever.”

“Perhaps, but I guess it’s just a mystery that will never be solved.”

“It’s not a mystery at all! If you ask an-”

“A mystery,” Carter mused, interrupting my counter argument.

“I’M SO EXCITED!” Carmen screamed the minute Carter and I stepped into the movie theater.

“ME TOO!” Carmen and I interlocked hands, giggling and squealing over the movie we were about to watch.

Carter and Brain looked on with a look somewhere between horror, confusion, and intrigue. There was something about excited girls that brought out this reaction in men. It was like they were scared of the power of excited women, and that fear propelled them to stay and watch as we rapidly talked about whatever we were excited about. In this case, the Twilight movie. A horrible rendition of the book. It was going to be funny, but also we would finally get to see Edward Cullen become a person and wish that our boyfriends were him.
“We already got tickets!” Carmen flashed two tickets in front of my face.

“Okay! Let’s go buy ours!” I motioned to Carter as I walked over to the ticket counter.

“Can’t Carter and I just go see some other movie?” I heard Brian whine as Carter and I got our tickets.

“But we already bought tickets.”

“I can trade mine for a different movie. You and Ellis can go on a date, and Carter and I can go on a date. I’m sure Carter wouldn’t mind cuddling with me.”

“Yeah sure! I’m all for it.” Carter agreed. “Just no funny business Mr.!” he wagged his finger at Brian.

“Never you mind about that!” Brian assured Carter before grabbing his hand. “Come on date! Let’s go see something less girly.”

“Stop being ridiculous!” Carmen laughed. “Cuddling with me is way better. Carters bulky.”

“Bulky? Are you implying that I’m fat? That’s it, isn’t it? I’m just a whale!” he threw his head in his hands and pretended to sob.

“That’s exactly what she’s implying. Now let’s go. I want good seats.”

“I hope good seats mean the back row, which is where the standard blow job seats are!” Carter snapped his head up from his hands.

“Not while Edward Cullen is on the screen!” Carmen dashed Carter’s hopes and dreams.

“This movie is going to suck!” he whined as Brian groaned along with him.

“Who gives blow jobs in movie theaters anyways?” I thought aloud as we headed in to theater eight.