It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!

"OW!" I screamed after Carter had taken about a half of the flesh on my arm and twisted it.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?" he screamed back.

"I DUNNO! I WAS DESPERATE!"

Yes, we were panicking.

"I don't want to date you!"

"Hey the feeling is mutual buddy," I returned to what I had set out to do before Matthew made his morning appearance. Put my books in my bag.

"What will Caroline think?"

Caroline was the girl Carter wanted, but never had a chance with unless he got her so drunk she consented to sex in that gray area stage.

"That we're dating obviously."

"You. Are. Not. Funny!" he pushed me so I turned to face him.

The anger in his eyes was evident. I knew I had over stepped the best friend boundaries, by just assuming it was okay if I used him as an easy escape. The problem was I didn't care.

"Look. We just have to do this long enough to convince Matthew that we're actually dating so he can move on, and then we can break up and repress this memory."

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this," Carter put his hands on his hips and shook his head in disapproval.

"Don't worry. You'll be able to go back to pretending you have a chance with Caroline soon."
I slung my bag over my shoulders.

"Now walk me to homeroom. It's what couples do."

It was lunch. The place were a majority of the high school was congregated at once. It was also the best place to showcase a new relationship, Lunch was the time to talk about gossip and make gossip, and if there was one thing high schoolers at Saint Judas loved it was gossip.
"Who are you looking for?" Melissa asked, noticing that I had my eyes glued to the entrance and that I was only mildly interested on the run down of who did what with who over the summer.

"Oh. Um. No one. I MEAN. Carter."

"Carter?"

"Yeah. Um. We're dating."

"OH. MY. GOD. SINCE WHEN?" Melissa slammed her free hand down on the table while bits of her chewed sandwich spewed from her mouth.

When juicy gossip was afoot there was no need to use good manners.

"Since this morning. And please finish chewing before you do that again."

"Well don't surprise me like that. I always knew that you two were perfect for each other!"

I swore Melissa wiped a tear away from her eyes. It was definitely her job as school drama queen to get choked up about the two class cynics getting together.

"Who's perfect for each other?" Carter had grabbed the seat next to Melissa.

"AWWWWWW!" she cooed. "I'll leave you two alone!"

Melissa grabbed the remainder of her lunch, and sat down with another group girls who had just come into the cafeteria. Within minutes they were all staring at my table, giggling and squealing in delight.

My eyes lingered on the table of over excited girls before I suggested, "We should probably work on the story on how it all began. I think people will be asking soon."

"It's simple. You drugged me. Now don't lie to me. That's how you got Perkins."

"What drug would make him keep perusing me after I was done with him, dumb ass?"
"Something time release?"

Tears overflowed in Carter's eyes as he slammed the table with his hand repeatedly in a fit of laughter. Over zealous laughter, considering his joke was horrible.

"I should've chosen a smarter boyfriend."

Carter gasped for breath, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Beggars can't be choosers, and it's simple. We just tell everyone that I've liked you since forever and I only built up the courage to ask you out for senior year. We can just ad lib the rest. It's the classic best girl and guy friend dating scenario."

We continued to eat our lunch in silence, staring as lovingly as possible at each other. We had to make the relationship look realistic and that could tricky under the watchful observant eyes of Melissa. Some people work all of high school in order to be Valedictorian or MVP or most popular, but Melissa worked to know everything about everyone. She knew what everyone had for lunch each day, everyone’s weekend plan, and the blood type of every person in the entire school. I knew who to go to if I ever need a blood transfusion.

"Hey," Carter tilted his head towards me. "Your boyfriend is staring at us."

I turned to find Matthew eating his sandwich in hate, staring at Cater through narrow and threatening eyes.

"Perfect! Now if I know the male mind, which I don't, Matthew will begin the process of trying to figure out what you, a dorky mean kid, has over him."

"Okay one. I am not mean! Only to you because you can handle it. Two. So what?"

"Well soon he'll come to terms with the fact that he can never have me, and he'll have to move on!" I smiled so wide that it forced my eyes into a squint. It was the smile of the perfect plan.

"Yes. I'm sure that's exactly how it will go. He'll never try to win you back or anything. You know, considering the fact that once he sizes me up to him he'll realize that he's way better than me."

"Must you always ruin my fun?" I furrowed my brown in frustration.

"Yes. Yes I must."

"Shut up and let's hold hands."

I reached out for Carter's hand that lay inactive on the grimy lunch table. Good thing I kept hand sanitizer in my locker. If I could get into my locker.

"Don't touch me!" Carter pulled his hand away as if I could give him the ebola virus just by having my hand hovering his.

"I got my cooties shot it's okay."

"I'm more worried about the unknown disease that hand could carry. It must've stroked Matthew Perkins's penis."

"Ew and I wash my hands!"

"That wasn't a no!" a devious grin grew on Carter's face. "It was veiny wasn't it? I bet he doesn't even keep it clean."

"SHUT UP AND GIVE ME YOUR GOD DAMNED HAND!"

Several people turned and stared at my sudden out burst, while Carter let out another burst of laughter. Melissa caught my eye, cocking her eyebrow. Usually girlfriends didn't have to demand their boyfriend's hand.

"Fine. Jeez. No need to get the whole school involved."

Carter slipped his hand into mine. His hand was warm and enveloped my perfectly. If our hands were dating each other, they'd be a perfect match.